Effective Communication with Kids | Book Insights on The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
发布时间 2022-11-30 15:00:40 来源
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It's your 8-year-olds birthday. All the neighborhood children parents have descended on your house to celebrate the occasion. You're already feeling the pressure. The cupcakes you forgot to make, and then maniacally baked at 2 a.m. Definitely look more curmud than teenage mutant ninja turtle. The balloons you spent three hours blowing up seem to be bursting at an alarming rate. Then spills punch on your new couch, and you can hear glass smashing in another room. The yelling and running reaches fever pitch, and out of the corner of your eye, you see your 8-year-old fighting with their 6-year-old sibling for their turn on the trampoline. You snap and hear yourself yelling across the party. If you too don't calm down and stop showing off, there'll be no trampoline for either of you for the rest of the summer. Later, you feel terrible about the outburst.
今天是你8岁孩子的生日，街坊邻居们的家长们都聚集在你家庆祝这个特殊的日子。你已经感到压力山大了。你忘了做杯子蛋糕，然后在凌晨2点疯狂地烤了一下，看起来比青少年变异忍者龟还糟糕。你花了三个小时吹气球，但它们似乎以惊人的速度爆炸。接着果汁泼到了你的新沙发上，你可以听到另一个房间里玻璃摔碎的声音。唧唧喳喳的声音达到了高潮，你眼角的余光里看到你的8岁孩子正在与他们的6岁兄弟为在蹦床上轮流跳而争斗。你突然崩溃了，听到自己在派对上喊叫。如果你们还不冷静下来，不停止炫耀，整个夏天都不会有蹦床可以玩了。过后，你感到自己的发泄很糟糕。
Let's face it, parenting is hard. All parents go through situations that get the better of them. Sometimes children's behavior is just baffling and defies rationality, so it can be easy to just give up, or at the other extreme, impose your iron will. If you're struggling with parenting duties, the whole brainchild might be the game-changing book you need. You're entitled 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. It's more research-based than many parenting books, and is a fascinating read, even if you don't have kids.
让我们直面现实，育儿是很艰难的。所有的父母都会遇到让他们无法应对的情况。有时候孩子的行为让人困惑、无法理解，这就很容易放弃或过度控制。如果你正在为育儿的责任而苦苦挣扎，那么《整个大脑儿童》可能是你需要的改变游戏规则的书。你将获得12个革命性的策略，来培养孩子发展中的思维。这本书比许多育儿书籍更有研究基础，并且即使你没有孩子，也是一本有趣的读物。
Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine. He's the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, and is a significant name in the field of neuropsychiatry. Bryson is a child and teen psychotherapist based in Pasadena, California. Part of her doctoral research at the University of Southern California was focused on attachment therapy. Together, Bryson and Siegel have written five books together, including No Drama Discipline from 2016.
西格尔是加州大学洛杉矶分校医学院的临床精神病学教授。他是加州大学洛杉矶分校“正念意识研究中心”的创始联合主任，并且在神经精神病学领域具有重要影响力。布莱森则是位于加州帕萨迪纳的儿童和青少年心理治疗师。她在南加州大学攻读博士学位期间的一部分研究集中于附着疗法。布莱森和西格尔共同撰写了五本书，包括2016年的《无剧本管教》。
In this book insight, we'll explore the following four themes from the whole brainchild. First, the importance of integration of the various aspects of the brain. Second, the role of memories and mindsight in raising a healthy child. Third, the power of awareness of thoughts and emotions. And fourth, raising a whole brain family.
在这本书中，我们将探讨《全脑儿童》中以下四个主题。第一，脑的不同方面的整合的重要性。第二，记忆和视觉思维在养育健康孩子中的作用。第三，思维和情绪意识的力量。第四，如何养育一个全脑家庭。
Let's begin with the importance of integration. Siegel and Bryson believe that the opportunity to teach valuable life lessons to kids lies in everyday happenings, such as the fight at the birthday party. You might wonder how parents are supposed to have rational conversations with their kids when emotions are running high. Most parents just want to survive these moments. But Siegel and Bryson invite us to take a different view. These moments, they say, are opportunities, even gifts. Because a survived moment is also a thrive moment where the important, meaningful work of parenting takes place. To seek gifts and opportunities where before was chaos, we need integration.
让我们从整合的重要性开始谈起。Siegel和Bryson认为，教育孩子有价值的生活课程的机会隐藏在日常发生的事情中，如生日派对上的打斗。您可能会想知道，在情绪高涨的时候，父母们应该如何与孩子进行理性的对话。大多数父母只想在这些时刻生存下来。但是Siegel和Bryson邀请我们采取不同的观点。他们说，这些时刻是机会，甚至是礼物。因为一个幸存的时刻也是一个蓬勃发展的时刻，在这里进行着重要、有意义的家庭教育工作。要在以前是混乱的地方寻找礼物和机会，我们需要整合。
As we know, the human brain has two distinct hemispheres, the left, traditionally associated with logic, reason, and analytic thought, and the right, where creativity, intuition, and imagination are strongest. As the name implies, integration involves taking both sides of your brain and getting them to work together as a whole, hence the book's title, The Whole Brain Child. Siegel and Bryson identify different types of integration. One is horizontal integration between the left and the right side of the brain. The other is vertical, or integrating the upstairs and downstairs.
众所周知，人类大脑分为两个明显的半球。左脑传统上与逻辑、理性和分析思维相关，右脑则具有创造性、直觉和想象力等特点。整合意味着让两个大脑半球作为一个整体协同工作，这也是《全脑孩子》一书的主题。西格尔和布莱森发现了不同类型的整合。其中一种是横向整合，即将大脑的左右两侧整合在一起。另一种是纵向整合，即将大脑的“楼上楼下”整合在一起。
The downstairs brain comprises the brain stem and the limbic region at the base of the brain. These areas control functions such as breathing, muscle contraction, and flight or flight responses. Most of our fear or anger responses are orchestrated by a small, almond-shaped piece of the brain called the amygdala. In the upstairs part of the brain, there's the cerebral cortex. That's the part of the brain that does the thinking, planning, and analyzing for you. This is in contrast to your downstairs brain, which is largely driven by instinct.
下层大脑包括位于脑底的脑干和边缘区域的杏仁体区。这些区域控制呼吸、肌肉收缩和战斗或逃跑反应等功能。我们大部分的恐惧或愤怒反应都是由脑中一个小的、杏仁形状的部位——杏仁体所编排的。在上层大脑中，有大脑皮层。这是大脑为你思考、规划、分析的部分。相反，下层大脑主要受本能驱动。
Upstairs and downstairs is a simple and effective way to describe how the brain functions to children. They can imagine their brains as a house, with different parts of it having different functions.
楼上楼下是向孩子们描述大脑功能的简单而有效的方法。他们可以想象自己的大脑像一个房子，它的不同部分具有不同的功能。
Siegel uses the following example to illustrate how integration of the upstairs and downstairs brain might work in practice. He describes a situation where a 12-year-old girl had a fight with her best friend.
Siegel通过以下例子来说明楼上楼下大脑的整合在实践中如何运作。他描述了一个12岁的女孩与她最好的朋友争吵的情景。
When asked about it, her response was that she didn't care, and that they weren't really that close anyway. Her way of dealing with the hurt and vulnerability that she was experiencing was to retreat to the left, in other words, to the non-emotional, controllable part of her brain.
当被问及这件事时，她的回答是她并不在意，而且他们并没有真正那么亲近。她应对受伤和脆弱的方式是撤退到左脑，换句话说，到非情感、可控制的部分去。
Of course, Siegel didn't want to bluntly point out to the girl that she was hiding from herself and running away from her emotions, but it was important that she acknowledge and honor her feelings. Instead, he emphasized with how she was feeling, and so communicated from his right brain to her right brain.
当然，席格不想直接指出女孩正在隐瞒自己并逃避自己的情感，但重要的是她能够认识和尊重自己的感受。相反，他强调理解她的感受，从他的右脑到她的右脑进行沟通。
He mirrored her body language to help establish a sense of trust and connection. He asked her to retell the story about the fight, and to pause occasionally to observe the emotions she was feeling at that moment. Was she able to reintroduce her feelings in a constructive way?
他模仿她的身体语言以帮助建立信任和联系感。他要求她重新讲述打斗的故事，并在适当的时候暂停观察她当时的情绪。她能够以建设性的方式重新介绍她的感受吗？
Crucially, Siegel was getting her to use both parts of her brain together and in balance. The left, using words and a linear narrative, and the right, focusing on her emotions, bodily sensations and images. It's an example of the name it to tame it approach.
重要的是，西格尔让她同时使用大脑的两个部分并使它们保持平衡。左脑部分使用词语和线性叙述，右脑则专注于情感、身体感觉和图像。这是一种叫做“名称化来驯服它”的方法的例子。
No one wants their child to have to relive pain, but it's important that they don't just survive difficult times, but thrive by learning from their troubles and growing from them.
没有人希望自己的孩子重新经历痛苦，但关键是让他们不仅仅是度过困难时期，而是通过从挫折中学习和成长来茁壮成长。
We're taught to use logic to assess situations and problem-solve, but if your toddler is having a tantrum because they can't walk on ceilings like Spider-Man, has Bryson's son once did, then all logic has gone out the window. Though bear in mind that these feelings are acutely real for your child, and they can't be dismissed, however nonsensical they might be.
我们被教导使用逻辑来评估情况和解决问题，但如果你的幼儿因为不能像蜘蛛侠一样在天花板上行走而发脾气，就像Bryson的儿子一样，那么所有的逻辑都已经被抛弃了。然而要记住，这些感觉对你的孩子来说是非常真实的，他们无论多么荒谬也不能被忽视。
For this you need the Connect and Redirect approach. First, you appeal to the right side of your child's brain. Acknowledge their feelings and use physical touch to help calm and soothe them. Again, use your right brain for their right, which the authors call Attunement. Once you've established this right to right connection, it's easier to redirect their focus and reason with them left to left.
要做到这一点，你需要采用连接和重定向的方法。首先，你要针对孩子的右脑进行呼应。承认他们的感受，并通过身体接触来帮助平静和安抚他们。再次，用你的右脑来对应他们的右脑，这也被作者称为共鸣。一旦你建立了这种右对右的连接，再将他们的注意力转移并与他们的左脑进行理性沟通就更容易了。
It's an important insight, but in some ways an obvious one. You can't begin to talk logic with anyone until you first responded to their emotional needs. Here's Segal talking to the Tilt Parenting Podcast.
这是一个重要的启示，但在某些方面是显而易见的。在与任何人谈逻辑之前，您必须先满足他们的情感需求。这里是Segal与 Tilt Parenting Podcast 进行交谈。
So if you weren't integrated, you wouldn't be able to have the smooth and efficient way that we walk. You'd be, you know, hopping around or falling down and stumbling. So integration for walking involves the differentiation and linkage of the left and right leg.
如果你没有整合，你就不能像我们行走那样流畅高效。你可能会跳来跳去、摔倒绊倒。所以，走路的整合涉及到左腿和右腿的差异和联系。
Now, let's return to the upstairs downstairs vertical integration of the brain. Imagine you haven't allowed your daughter to buy a certain dress she really wants. To protest, she refuses to do her homework or help you in the kitchen. This is an upstairs tantrum because she's chosen to behave like this in order to manipulate you via her rational brain.
现在，让我们回到大脑的楼上楼下垂直整合。想象一下，你不允许你的女儿买她非常想要的某件衣服。为了抗议，她拒绝做家庭作业或在厨房帮助你。这是一种楼上的暴躁，因为她选择这样做是为了通过她理性的大脑来操纵你。
As a parent, you can tackle this kind of shenanigans by being polite but stern. You can tell her that if she doesn't finish her homework, she won't be allowed to sleep over at her friends place next week. Try this. I can see that you like that dress and really want it, but I don't appreciate how you've been behaving so far. If she continues to behave in the same manner, you should act on your warning. This sends the message that her strategy of manipulation doesn't work and she can't always have what she wants.
作为家长，你可以用礼貌但严厉的方式来解决这种无赖行为。你可以告诉她，如果她不完成作业，下周就不能去朋友家过夜了。试一试这个方法。我能看出你喜欢那条裙子，也很想要，但我不喜欢你至今所表现出的行为。如果她继续这种行为，你应该执行你的警告。这会传达一个信息：她的操纵策略行不通，她不能总是得到想要的东西。
The downstairs tantrum, however, is another thing altogether. That needs a different remedy. For example, if your kid completely loses his mind because his sister broke his favorite toy, then you're witnessing a downstairs tantrum that's deeply rooted in anger and fear responses. This isn't the time to reason with your child or send a warning. It's just not going to work.
楼下的发脾气，是另一回事。这需要用不同的方式来解决。例如，如果您的孩子完全失去理智，因为他的姐姐弄坏了他最喜欢的玩具，那么您正在目睹一个深深扎根于愤怒和恐惧反应的楼下发脾气。这不是理智沟通或发出警告的时候。这根本行不通。
Here the authors advocate the connect and redirect approach. That is emotional support first, logic second. The authors provide an interesting further tip here which goes by the name of move it or lose it. When your kid gets completely overwhelmed by emotion, it might help to get their body moving. Encourage them to run around outside or ride their bike. Physical activity can calm down the downstairs brain and help the upstairs brain to reassert itself and take the lead.
在这里，作者提倡连接和重定向的方法。即首先提供情感支持，其次是逻辑支持。作者在这里提供了一个有趣的进一步提示，名为"动起来，否则就失去了"。当你的孩子完全被情绪压倒时，让他们的身体动起来可能会有帮助。鼓励他们在外面跑步或骑自行车。身体活动可以平静下脑下部，帮助上层大脑重新肯定自我并发挥主导作用。
Let's take a break for now. Before we go, let's recap everything we've covered so far. We're covering The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Seagull and Tina Payne Bryson. We've looked at the way a child's brain works and how it can be divided into upstairs, downstairs, left and right. We explored a few techniques for integrating these aspects, including name it to tame it, connect and redirect and move it or lose it. Next we'll look at the role of memories and mind-sight in children. Then we'll look at the power of thoughts and emotions.
让我们现在休息一下。在离开之前，让我们回顾一下我们到目前为止所涉及的所有内容。我们正在学习丹尼尔·J·西格尔和蒂娜·佩恩·布赖森的《整个大脑孩子》。我们已经了解了儿童的大脑工作方式，以及它如何被分为上楼、下楼、左右等部分。我们也探讨了几种整合这些方面的技巧，包括“命名以驯服它”、“连接和引导”以及“动起来或放弃它”。接下来，我们将研究儿童记忆和心理视野的作用。然后，我们将探讨思想和情绪的力量。
Enjoying this episode of Book Insights? If so, people listening and learning. There's a collection of over a hundred titles you can read or listen to now at memodeapp.com slash insights.
喜欢这一集的图书解读吗？如果是，那么越来越多的人在聆听和学习。现在在memodeapp.com/insights上有一百多个标题的收藏，你可以阅读或倾听。
We're continuing our exploration into the best-selling child development book by experts Daniel J. Seagull and Tina Payne Bryson. It's called The Whole Brain Child, 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Previously, we've gone over the importance of integrating the different areas of a child's mind. Now, we'll look at memories and mind-sight. Then discuss the power of awareness of thought and feelings.
我们继续探索由专家丹尼尔·J·希高和蒂娜·佩恩·布莱森撰写的畅销儿童发育书籍。它被称为《全脑儿童》，涵盖了12个革命性的策略，以培养孩子不断发展的大脑。之前，我们已经讨论了整合孩子不同脑部区域的重要性。接下来，我们将探讨记忆和心灵视野，并讨论意识思想和感受的力量。
The authors talk about implicit and explicit memories and how they work. When you change your child's diaper, you're not thinking about the individual steps involved in the procedure. After some practice, you're doing it automatically. The neurons that are associated with the diaper changing process are getting fired, but you hardly realize it. This is implicit memory. In contrast, an explicit memory is one that you recall consciously. For example, the difficulty and emotions you faced when you were first trying to change a diaper.
作者谈论了隐含和明示记忆以及它们的工作原理。 当你给孩子换尿布时，你不会思考程序中涉及的单个步骤。 经过一些实践，你会自动地完成这项任务。 与换尿布过程相关的神经元被激活了，但你几乎没有意识到它。 这就是隐含记忆。 相反，明确记忆是你有意识地回忆起的记忆。 例如，你首次尝试更换尿布时遇到的困难和情感。
Here's Seagull talking with kids in the house. The feeling we have of running away from something can actually become associated, let's say, with writing a bike or going for a swimming lesson. When this happens, implicit memory can actually take over a child and make her not want to go swimming, not want to ride a bike. The thing to understand about implicit memory is that it leads us to make assumptions about how things work based on our own experience. For example, every time you go to the movies, you crave popcorn. Your implicit memories about enjoying popcorn while watching a movie have primed you for craving popcorn every time you enter a movie theater. You didn't think about or recall the last time you had popcorn. You just haven't apparently in a wish for it.
SeaGull正在和孩子们聊天。我们有时会有一种从某些事物逃避的感觉，比如骑自行车或去参加游泳课。当这种情况出现时，隐含记忆可能会控制孩子，使她不想去游泳，不想骑自行车。了解隐含记忆的一件事是，它会基于我们自己的经验让我们对事物的运作方式产生一些假设。例如，每次你去电影院，你都想吃爆米花。你对在看电影时享受爆米花的隐含记忆使你经常在进入电影院时渴望吃爆米花。你没有想过或回忆上次吃爆米花的情景，只是似乎因为想要它而产生了渴望。
Implicit memories exist for a reason. Their job is to help fast track our response to danger when there's no time to reflect on the individual action steps. We instantly know whether we like or don't like something, whether it's good or bad. But these kinds of reactions don't always serve us well. They must be integrated with explicit memories for our mental well-being.
隐性记忆存在有其原因。它们的职责是在没有时间去反思具体行动步骤时，帮助快速加速我们对危险的反应。我们立刻知道自己是否喜欢或不喜欢某件事，是否好或坏。但是这些反应并不总是对我们有益的。它们必须与显性记忆相结合，才能为我们的心理健康带来好处。
What do the two types of memory have to do with raising kids? To demonstrate how implicit memory works, Siegel provides the case study of David and his 10-year-old son, Ellie. Ellie refuses to participate in the Pinewood Derby car race that year. It shocks David because Ellie used to love the Derby, which involves kids racing unpowered toy wooden cars that they've built themselves. David realizes that a traumatic episode from the past is playing in Ellie's mind. The summer before, Ellie and his friend Ryan had been playing with the pocket knife in the park when it accidentally pierced Ryan's leg. Ryan had to get some stitches. Ellie had taken the knife to the park without his parents' knowledge. He was overcome with guilt and had also developed an irrational fear of woodworking tools. In his mind, the implicit memory of that accident had created a link between tools, injury, and the Derby.
这两种记忆与养育孩子有什么关系？为了说明隐性记忆的工作原理，西格尔提供了大卫和他10岁的儿子艾莉的案例研究。那年，艾莉拒绝参加Pinewood Derby赛车比赛。这使大卫感到震惊，因为艾莉曾经喜欢Derby，它涉及孩子们比赛使用自己建造的无动力玩具木车。大卫意识到，过去的一次创伤事件正在艾莉的脑海中重演。那个夏天，艾莉和他的朋友瑞安在公园里玩弄了口袋刀，它不小心刺入了瑞安的腿。瑞安必须缝合伤口。艾莉未经父母允许就带了刀去公园。他被内疚感所困扰，也产生了对木工工具的不合理恐惧。在他的脑海中，那次事故的隐性记忆在工具、伤害和Derby之间建立了联系。
David used what the authors called the replaying technique to get Ellie to open up. David decided to retell the story of what happened with the knife, and Ellie could say pause whenever he felt the story was getting too painful for him. The first time David told his son's story, Ellie said pause a lot. David persevered, retrieving the more painful portions of the story for Ellie. Eventually, father and son were able to run through all the traumatic details of the accident. Siegel and Price explained that by introducing them to the remote of the mind, which controls their internal DVD player, you make the storytelling process much less scary because you offer them some control over what they deal with.
David使用了作者称为“重播技术”的方法来让Ellie敞开心扉。David决定重新讲述刀具事件的故事，而Ellie可以在感到故事过于痛苦时说出“暂停”。第一次David讲述他儿子的故事时，Ellie频繁说出“暂停”。David坚持下去，为Ellie找回了更加痛苦的故事情节。最终，父亲和儿子能够通过所有的创伤细节。Siegel和Price解释说，通过介绍他们的内心DVD播放器所控制的心灵遥控器，你让讲述故事过程变得不那么可怕，因为你让他们有些控制权来处理他们所面对的问题。
Now, let's look at one of Siegel's key ideas, mind sight. He defines this as understanding our own mind, as well as understanding the mind of another. This he argues is the basis of all mental well-being.
现在，让我们来看一下西格尔的一个关键想法，即“心灵视角”。
他将其定义为理解自己的心灵，以及理解他人的心灵。他认为这是所有心理健康的基础。
Siegel recounts the story of Amber and her 11 year old son Josh to explain how mind sight works. Josh was the definition of a well-rounded child. He got stellar grades and excelled at sports and other activities. But despite being such a go-getter, he was consumed with self-doubt. He would fret over little mistakes at school and home. When Price and started to counsel Josh, she traced his drive for perfection to his parents divorce. Josh grew up blaming himself for his parents' rift. Being perfect became his way of atoning himself. He was afraid things would go wrong in his life if he wasn't perfect.
希格尔通过讲述Amber和她11岁的儿子乔希的故事，来解释心智视角的工作原理。乔希是一个全面发展的孩子。他在学校表现优异，同时在体育和其他活动中也很出色。然而，尽管他是一个积极主动的人，他却被自我怀疑所困扰。他会在学校和家里为一些小错误感到不安。当普莱斯开始给乔希咨询时，她追溯了他追求完美的动力到他父母离婚。乔希成长的过程中一直在责怪自己是造成父母离异的原因。对他来说，成为完美的人是他赎罪的方式。如果他不能完美，他就害怕自己的生活会出现问题。
Price and used mind sight to help Josh. Think of mind sight as a wheel of awareness. There's a central area called the hub, surrounded by spokes and the outer rim. The rim consists of elements such as feelings, thoughts, memories, and perceptions. The hub is the control center of the wheel. The hub's job is to keep track of feelings, memories, thoughts, and perceptions. In the context of neuroscience, it's the prefrontal cortex.
价格使用了心灵视野来帮助乔希。将心灵视野比作一个认知之轮。它具有一个中心区域，叫做轴心，被轮辐和外边缘所包围。外边缘包括感觉、思想、记忆和感知等要素。轴心是认知之轮的控制中心，其职责是跟踪感受、记忆、思考和感知。在神经科学的背景下，这是前额皮质的职责。
When Josh learned about the wheel of awareness, he was able to realize that his thoughts and feelings had been controlling him and making him anxious. But after Price and taught him about the wheel, he realized that thoughts and feelings were just part of the rim and that his hub could tackle them. He taught him to redirect his attention to other rim points, such as his musical prowess that were positive in nature. He also began focusing on aspects of his personality that weren't competitive. For example, Josh began to remind himself that he really enjoyed playing the saxophone and he didn't have to worry about getting every note right.
当乔希了解关于意识之轮的知识后，他意识到自己的思维和感觉一直在控制着他，让他感到焦虑。但是，布赖斯教他关于意识之轮后，他认识到思维和感觉只是轮辋的一部分，他的轴心可以解决它们。他教导他将注意力转向其他轮辋点，例如他积极的音乐才能。他还开始专注于个性中不具有竞争性的方面。例如，乔希开始提醒自己他真的很享受吹萨克斯管，他不必担心每个音符都准确无误。
There are many ways parents can instill mind sight into their children's lives. Try the whole brain strategy called Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By. As parents, it's your duty to teach your children that feelings are important, but temporary. You feel sad. You aren't a sad person.
有许多方式可以让家长们注入孩子生活中的心灵视野。试试整脑策略，叫做让情绪之云自由漂流。作为父母，您有责任教育孩子感受很重要，但也是暂时的。你感到悲伤，而你并不是悲伤的人。
Moreover, it's essential for kids to learn to be aware of what's going on in their brains and their bodies. Segal recommends the sift technique, sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts. First, teach them to pay attention to their physical sensations. For example, anxiety is often accompanied by strange grumblings in the stomach. So when you notice a little grumbling in the belly, you know it's anxiety. For some kids, a heaviness in their shoulders is a marker for sadness.
此外，孩子们学会关注他们大脑和身体中发生的事情是非常重要的。Segal建议采用筛选技术，即感觉、形象、情感和思想。首先，教给他们注意自己的身体感觉。例如，焦虑经常伴随着肚子里的奇怪的咕咕声。所以当你注意到肚子有点咕咕声时，你就知道那是焦虑。对于一些孩子来说，肩膀的沉重是悲伤的标志。
After body cues, get children to focus on images and the knowledge that memories from the past can resurface as images. For example, a child who is bullied at school by a big, rowdy kid will see images of the bully every time he enters a new school. Similarly, teach children to become aware of the range of their feelings and thoughts.
在介绍身体信号之后，让孩子们专注于图像及记忆中的形象可能会再次浮现。例如，一个在学校被大而吵闹的孩子欺负的孩子，每次进入新学校时都会看到恶霸的形象。同样，教孩子们意识到他们的感觉和思维的范围。
Let's say you ask your daughter how she is feeling after she performs badly on a test. If she replies, I'm okay. Ask her to be a little more specific. Is she disappointed? Is she mad at herself? Is she envious of her best friend scoring better? Gently encourage her to explore the full spectrum, her own wheel of awareness. If a girl falls on stage during a school dance performance, she might come home and berate herself. Wow, everyone's going to think I'm so stupid. But once she learns to be aware of her thoughts, she can acknowledge that negative thought, then step out and redirect her attention to the facts.
假设你问你的女儿考试表现不好后她的感受。如果她回答说：“我还好。”请让她再具体一些。她是失望吗？她对自己感到生气吗？她嫉妒她最好的朋友得分更高吗？温柔地鼓励她探索全方位，她自己的意识轮。如果一个女孩在学校舞蹈表演中跌倒了，她可能会回家自我责备。哇，每个人都会认为我很愚蠢。但是一旦她学会了意识到她的想法，她就可以承认这种消极的想法，然后走出来，把注意力转向事实。
For example, she could say to herself, well, it's not the first time someone's fallen during a show. Something similar happened to Bella last year and she barely remembers it now, even though she was so embarrassed. She can also attract her attention to something positive, like how well she finished the routine. Once you're aware of the various experiences your body and mind is going through, you can return to the hub and try to change how you feel or what you think.
例如，她可以对自己说：“嗯，这不是第一次有人在演出中摔倒了。去年Bella也遇到过类似的事情，虽然当时感到非常尴尬，但现在她几乎不记得了。”她也可以注意到一些积极的事情，比如她完成动作的好表现。一旦你意识到身体和心理正在经历的各种经历，你就可以回到中心，尝试改变自己的感受或想法。
For example, you can ask your child to lie down on a couch and look around the room, encouraging them to notice little things like the lamp, the desk, and books. Then ask them to close their eyes and observe the sounds around them. The plane buzzing past in the sky. The dogs barking, or the sound of water trickling from the kitchen tap. Ask them to focus on their breathing and the various steps involved in the breathing process. Inhalation, exhalation, and their chest lifting up and down. Your kids can practice this exercise every time they are feeling a little nervous.
举个例子，你可以要求孩子躺在沙发上，四处看看房间，鼓励他们注意小细节，例如灯，书桌和书籍。然后要求他们闭上眼睛，观察周围的声音，比如从天空中飞过的飞机、狗的吠声或厨房水龙头滴水的声音。让他们集中注意力呼吸的感觉，关注呼吸过程中的吸气、呼气以及胸部的上下振动。孩子们可以在感到有些紧张时随时练习这项运动。
It's also important for kids to learn to emphasize with others, to recognize others' state of mind, to take into account others' perspective, and to understand how their actions affect others. Humans are social beings and our brain is a social organ. It's wired to form connections with other minds. And seemingly minor experiences, a handshake, a conversation over dinner with an old pal, change the circuitry of the brain.
让孩子学会同情他人、认识他人的心境、考虑他人的视角以及了解他们的行为如何影响他人也非常重要。人类是社交性生物，我们的大脑是一个社交器官。它的联系被编织到其他人的大脑中。看似微小的经历，比如握手、与老朋友共进晚餐的谈话，都会改变大脑回路。
A key factor in well-being is devoting one's attention and passions to the benefit of others instead of focusing on the individual, separate concerns of a private self, says Siegel. Siegel and Bryson delve a little into attachment theory here and draw parallels with their theory of mind-sight. According to attachment theory, if a child isn't neglected by their primary caregivers, they'll develop an insecure attachment with them.
Siegel指出，提高幸福感的一个关键因素是将自己的注意力和热情投入到造福于他人的事业中，而不是仅仅关注个人的私人问题。Siegel和Bryson在这里略微探讨了依恋理论，并与他们的“心灵视角”理论进行了类比。根据依恋理论，如果一个孩子没有被主要看护者忽视，他们就会与他们建立不安全的依恋关系。
When parents aren't available emotionally for their children, the child learns to fend for themselves, remaining detached from their parents. Even into adulthood, some of these individuals demonstrate a lack of empathy for others, too. Kids can also develop an insecure attachment if their parents are overprotective. These kids can grow up to be very anxious adults.
当父母在情感上不能为他们的孩子提供支持时，孩子就会学会独立自主，与父母保持疏离。即使到了成年，其中一些人也会表现出对他人缺乏同情心。如果父母过分保护，孩子也会产生不安全的依恋关系。这些孩子长大后可能变成非常焦虑的成年人。
On the other hand, when parents treat their children with kindness and compassion during their anxious moments, connecting to the left and right brains, children develop a secure attachment. Of course, children don't choose who their parents are. What they can do is articulate their thoughts and feelings so that they are not consumed by anxiety or hopelessness. The ability to get more objective about thoughts and emotions provides a toolkit that children can use throughout their lives. As adults, they will have developed skills to articulate what's on their minds, which will improve their relationships and overall well-being.
另一方面，当父母在孩子焦虑的时刻对他们表现出友善和同情，让左右脑连接，孩子就会培养出安全的依恋。当然，孩子不能选择其父母。他们能做的是表达自己的思想和感受，以使自己不被焦虑和绝望所吞噬。能够更客观地看待思想和情感，为孩子提供了一种工具箱，他们可以在自己的一生中使用。作为成年人，他们将发展出表达自己的技能，这将改善他们的人际关系和整体福祉。
Let's take one last break before we wrap up our book insight on the whole brain child. We looked at implicit and explicit memories and how they might impact our child's behavior. We unpacked the author's definitions of mind-sight and the wheel of awareness. We'll conclude our discussion next time by looking at what the whole brain family looks like. One will end with reactions, criticisms, and the book's impact.
在我们结束对《全脑儿童》的书本洞察之前，让我们再休息一下。我们探讨了内隐和外显记忆及其如何影响我们孩子的行为。我们解析了作者对“心灵视力”和“意识之轮”的定义。下次我们将通过探讨“全脑家庭”来结束我们的讨论，并分享读后反应、批评和这本书的影响。
Enjoying this episode of Book Insights? If so, keep listening and learning. There's a collection of over 100 titles you can read or listen to now at memodeapp.com slash insights.
喜欢这期《读书洞见》的内容吗？如果是，继续倾听和学习。现在在memodeapp.com/insights上有100多本书可以阅读或听取。
We're concluding our look into the whole brain child, 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. It's written by psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel and child psychotherapist Tina Payne-Bricin. This time we went over the role of memories and mind-sight in children. Then we covered the power of thoughts and emotions. Now we'll look at how the entire family can work as a whole brain unit. Then we'll end by reflecting on the book's impact.
我们结束了对于《全脑孩子》的探索，这本书提出了12个革命性的策略来培养孩子发展的大脑。这本书是由精神病医师Daniel J. Siegel和儿童心理治疗师Tina Payne-Bricin所写。这一次，我们讨论了记忆和心灵视野在儿童中的作用。然后，我们介绍了思想和情感的力量。接下来，我们将看看整个家庭如何成为一个整体的大脑单元。最后，我们会对这本书的影响进行反思。
Siegel and Bryson's goal for parents is to raise children that balance out their personal awareness skills with interpersonal ability. They explain. As we don't want our kids to be only right-brained or only left-brained, we also don't want them to be only individualistic, leaving them selfish and isolated, or only relational, leaving them needy and vulnerable.
Siegel和Bryson为父母制定的目标是培养孩子们平衡个人意识技能与人际能力。他们解释说：我们不希望孩子只有右脑或只有左脑，同样地，我们也不希望他们只注重个人主义，让他们变得自私和孤立，或者只注重人际关系，让他们变得需要别人且脆弱。
For this purpose, they recommend a whole brain strategy that involves making family life fun. Parents can sometimes get so caught up in teaching kids manners and helping them with homework that they forget to have fun as a family. Parents are right to let the guard down once in a while and be a little frivolous in front of your kids.
为达此目的，他们建议采用整体性的大脑策略，使家庭生活变得有趣。有时家长会过分强调教育孩子礼仪和做作业等任务，而忘记了一家人一起快乐的重要性。家长有时应该放松警惕，偶尔在孩子面前表现得有点不那么严肃。
Here's Siegel, talking with the Tilt Parenting Podcast. For sure, but you need empathy, which includes understanding the mind of another, taking their perspective, but also feeling happy for their happiness and really concern when they're not well. What's called compassionate, empathy or compassionate concern. If kids enjoy their family time, they'll become primed for fulfilling and meaningful relationships in the future. It's important for parents to set the precedent.
这是Siegel与Tilt Parenting Podcast交谈时的发言。当然，你需要同理心，包括理解他人的思想、从他们的角度出发，同时也能感到幸福，当他们不好的时候感到真正的关心。这就是所谓的同情心、同情和关切。如果孩子们享受家庭时间，他们将为未来充实而有意义的人际关系做好准备。父母设置先例很重要。
The authors recommend a fun dinner table activity that's a variation of improv comedy. Performers try to weave a story from hints given by the audience. For the family version, one person can start off the story with a sentence. Jack was walking back home from school, a spring in his step. Another person can take the story forward with a second sentence. And then suddenly he heard a creaking sound. And the third person steps in and so on.
作者推荐一项有趣的餐桌活动，这是即兴喜剧的变体。表演者试图从观众给出的线索中编织一个故事。对于家庭版本，一个人可以用一句话开始故事。杰克（Jack）从学校走回家，步伐轻盈。另一个人可以用第二个句子继续故事。突然他听到一声嘎吱声。第三个人加入，并且如此类推。
As well as encouraging fun and enjoying others' company, it's also important to prepare children for conflicts in relationships. If they're going to engage with the people around them and form meaningful relationships with them, conflict is inevitable.
除了鼓励孩子们享受玩乐和与他人共度时光，准备他们应对人际关系中的冲突也非常重要。如果他们要与周围的人交往并建立有意义的关系，冲突是不可避免的。
For example, if your daughter comes home from school one day and starts to complain that her best friend's snap data, try to emphasize with her. Keep in mind the connect and redirect approach here. Once she is calmer, ask her if her friend might be going through a difficult time herself. Or ask her to consider if she might have done anything lately to hurt her friend.
例如，如果你的女儿有一天放学回家开始抱怨她最好的朋友的Snapchat数据，尝试与她产生共鸣。记住连接和重定向的方法。一旦她平静下来，问问她，她的朋友是否正在经历一段困难时期。或者让她考虑最近是否做过什么伤害她的朋友的事情。
Kids aren't as adept as adults at reading nonverbal cues. That's a skill developed through experience. For example, if your daughter is quieter than usual and eating very slowly, you're likely to know right away something is up with her. However, your 10-year-old son might not notice these signs. So perhaps later, you could point it out to him that his sister didn't seem herself and that maybe something's happened at school. By doing this, you're equipping your son with skills that will enable him to decode other people's states of mind.
孩子不像成年人一样善于读懂非语言的线索。这是通过经验发展起来的一种技能。例如，如果您的女儿比平时安静，吃得很慢，那么您很可能立刻就能注意到她出了问题。然而，您10岁的儿子可能不会注意到这些迹象。因此，也许稍后您可以指出给他，告诉他他的姐姐看起来不太对劲，也许在学校发生了什么事情。通过这样做，您正在为您的儿子提供一种技能，使他能够解码其他人的心理状态。
You should also encourage kids to apologize and make amends if they do something to hurt another person. It's important to drive home the point that just apologizing isn't enough, although it's a necessary starting point. What can you do after that? If your kid broke his friend's toy, you can ask him to help the friend repair it.
你还应该鼓励孩子道歉并赔偿，如果他们做了伤害他人的事情。重要的是要强调道歉不足以，尽管它是必要的起点。那之后该怎么做呢？如果你的孩子打破了他朋友的玩具，你可以要求他帮朋友修理它。
Siegel and Bryson also recommend some empathy-related exercises you can easily integrate into the family's daily routine. You can ask your kids questions about the emotional states of others. For example, at the toy store, you could ask your 10-year-old, why do you think that boy's mother yelled at him? Do you think she was mad at him? Or while flipping through a novel together, you could ask your kid, how do you think Cheryl felt after her dog died?
席格尔和布莱森还推荐了一些关于同理心的练习，您可以轻松地将其融入到家庭日常生活中。您可以询问孩子有关他人情绪状态的问题。例如，在玩具店，您可以问您10岁的孩子，为什么你认为那个男孩的母亲对他叫喊？你觉得她是生他的气吗？或者一起翻读小说时，您可以问孩子，你觉得谢尔会在她的狗死后感受到什么？
Your children will learn to navigate complex social situations if they also have a nuanced understanding of ethical dilemmas and moral questions. You can help them exercise their moral instincts by asking hypothetical questions such as this. What would you do if the school bully was arousing another kid when no one except you was watching? Such rhetorical questions can really help develop your kid's compassion and empathy. These are important qualities in and of themselves, but they also allow your child to navigate complex social situations.
如果你的孩子对伦理困境和道德问题有深入的理解，他们也将学会如何应对复杂的社交场景。你可以通过问一些假设性问题来帮助他们锻炼道德本能，比如：如果在没有其他人的情况下，校园恶霸欺负另一个孩子，你会怎么做？这种修辞性问题确实可以帮助培养孩子的同情心和移情能力。这些品质本身就非常重要，而且还可以让你的孩子在复杂的社交场合中应对自如。
Before we conclude, let's have a quick recap of the ideas and strategies that we've covered in this book insight on the whole brain child. We began by looking at the brain itself, how it can be divided into upstairs and downstairs and left and right, and how these dimensions can be integrated. We explored a few techniques for integrating these aspects, including name it to tame it, connect and redirect, and move it or lose it. We looked at implicit and explicit memories and how they might impact our child's behavior. We unpacked the author's definitions of mind-sight and the wheel of awareness, and finally, looked at some whole brain techniques that can be adopted by the whole family.
在我们结束之前，让我们简要回顾一下这本《全脑孩子》的思想和策略。我们从大脑本身开始，了解了大脑是如何分为上楼和下楼、左右两侧，并且这些维度如何被整合。我们探索了一些整合这些方面的技巧，包括“命名以驯服它”、“连接和重定向”以及“运动或失去它”。我们看了看隐含和显性记忆，以及它们可能对我们孩子的行为产生的影响。我们解开了作者对“心智视角”和“意识力量轮”的定义，并最后看了一些全脑技巧，可以被全家采用。
Readers who explored the literature on emotional intelligence will especially appreciate Segal and Bryson's book. Its ideas and techniques suggest that the earlier we equip our children with the ability to handle and direct their emotions. To more able, they're prepared to navigate the inevitable challenges of teen years and early adulthood. While the book's scientific explanations of the brain and its functions are spot on, Segal and Bryson don't mention any large-scale studies to provide evidence in favor of their strategies. They rely mainly on case studies from their own practices to prove their effectiveness. Testability of a theory is one of the key factors in determining its validity, but there seems no way to disconfirm their ideas or really test them in an empirical way.
那些研究情商的读者特别会欣赏塞格尔和布莱森的书。他们的想法和技巧表明，我们越早为孩子们提供处理和引导情绪的能力，他们就越能够准备好应对青少年时期和早期成年时期不可避免的挑战。虽然该书对大脑及其功能的科学解释准确无误，但塞格尔和布莱森并未提及任何大规模研究以支持他们的策略。他们主要依靠自己实践的案例研究来证明其有效性。理论的可测试性是确定其有效性的关键因素之一，但似乎没有办法反驳他们的想法，或以实证的方式真正测试它们。
That said, for most people, the whole brainchild is an enlightening, engaging, and practical guide to raising and looking after children, and many parents swear by its effectiveness. Bryson and Segal come across as balanced and unpatronizing. Their core message that as a parent, you can survive and thrive is positive and encouraging. Despite all the dramas and tears, you can come out on the other side with happy, well-adjusted kids who can make their own way in the world.
尽管如此，对于大多数人而言，整个育儿计划是一本富有启发性、引人入胜且实用的指南，许多父母都发誓其效果显著。Bryson和Segal表现得均衡而不愠不火，核心信息是：作为父母，你可以生存和发展，这是积极而鼓舞人心的。尽管有所有戏剧性和泪水，但你可以在另一侧拥有快乐、适应得当的孩子，他们可以在世界上独立地追求自己的道路。
The authors remind us that even the hard times you go through with your kids, the mistakes you make are opportunities to help your children grow, learn, and develop into people who are happy, healthy, and fully themselves. That is what precisely every parent wants.
作者提醒我们，即使是带着孩子度过的困难时刻和犯的错误，也是帮助孩子成长、学习和发展成为快乐、健康和完全自我实现的机会。而这正是每个家长想要的。
Thank you for listening to Book Insights.
感谢您收听“图书洞察”。
Check out the rest of our content at memo.com.
请查看我们在memo.com上所有的内容。
Please keep in mind that the information provided in or through our book insights episodes is for educational and informational purposes only.
请记住，在我们的“书籍洞察力”节目中提供的信息仅供教育和信息目的。
It's not intended to be a substitute for advice given by qualified professionals and should not be relied upon to disregard or delay seeking professional advice.
这并不是用来替代专业人士所给予的建议的，不能依靠它来忽视或推迟寻求专业建议。