Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Morgan Haussel. Morgan Haussel is a partner at the Collaborative Fund and an expert in private wealth generation and management. He is also the author of the spectacularly best-selling book, The Psychology of Money. Today we talk about the psychology of money. We talk about how money can change your psychology. We talk about how most people tend to lie at the extremes of either saving too much money or spending too much money. We talk about how most people get it completely wrong when it comes to framing in our minds what money is, what its real value is, in its ability to generate happiness within us.
And no, I am not going to tell you, and Morgan is not going to tell you, that beyond a certain dollar amount you don't increase your happiness. Because as we all know, money cannot buy happiness, but it can buffer stress. We acknowledge that from the outset. And then Morgan goes on to explain that really what we're seeking when we talk about seeking wealth or money is freedom. Freedom is really about independence and that if we are constantly in pursuit of wealth, well then we are not truly free or independent. So today's discussion is as much about being happy, being free, feeling independent, feeling free of stress as it is about this thing that we call money.
So in other words, Morgan explains not just how to generate and manage monetary wealth, he explains that, but he also explains how to organize your life in and around this thing that we call career, the pursuit of wealth and happiness. And I can think of few topics as important as today's topic. I read Morgan's book, The Psychology of Money, and I loved it. I also love today's discussion because I'm certain that after it's done, you will realize that you've probably been thinking about wealth and money incorrectly in a number of ways. And you've probably been pursuing it incorrectly in a number of ways. But by asking yourself certain probe questions that Morgan raises today and answering those questions, you can arrive in a place where your relationship to money and your pursuit of it really clearly matches your particular goals.
也就是说,Morgan 不仅解释了如何创造和管理金钱财富,他还阐述了如何在我们称之为职业、财富和幸福追求的过程中,组织我们的生活。我认为,很少有话题像今天的话题一样重要。我读了 Morgan 的书《金钱心理学》,我很喜欢。我也喜欢今天的讨论,因为我相信在讨论结束后,你会意识到自己可能在很多方面对财富和金钱的思考是错误的,并且在追求财富的过程中也可能存在问题。但是,通过问自己几个 Morgan 今天提出的探讨性问题,并回答这些问题,你可以让自己与金钱的关系以及对财富的追求与个人目标更加一致。
Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to consumer information about science and science related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is Wealthfront. I've been using Wealthfront for nearly a decade as my high yield cash account and I absolutely love it. Personally, I'm sometimes hesitant to invest money given the risks involved, so I often prefer to keep it in my Wealthfront cash account where I'm able to earn 4.25% annual percentage yield on my deposits and you can as well. With Wealthfront, you can earn 4.25% APY on your cash through partner banks until you're ready to either spend that money or invest it.
With Wealthfront, you also get free same day withdrawals to eligible accounts every day, even on weekends and holidays. The 4.25% APY is not a promotional rate. There's no limit to what you can deposit and earn, and you can even get protection of up to $8 million through FDIC insurance provided through Wealthfront's partner banks. For same day withdrawals, just start your withdrawal as late as 9pm Eastern to one of over 550 eligible banks and credit unions to get it the same day. And it takes just a few minutes to transfer your cash from the cash account to any of Wealthfront's automated investing accounts when you're ready. There are already over a million people using Wealthfront to save more, earn more, and build long-term wealth. Earn 4.25% APY on your cash today. If you'd like to try Wealthfront, go to Wealthfront.com.com.com to receive a free $50 bonus with a $500 deposit into your first cash account.
That's Wealthfront.com.com.com to get started now. This has been a paid testimonial of Wealthfront. Wealthfront brokerage isn't a bank. The APY is subject to change. For more information, see the episode description.
Today's episode is also brought to us by BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers professional therapy with a licensed therapist carried out entirely online. I've been doing weekly therapy for well over 30 years. Initially, I don't have a choice. It was a condition of being allowed to stay in school. But pretty soon I realized that therapy is an extremely important component to overall health.
Now, there are essentially three things that great therapy provides. First of all, it provides good rapport with somebody that you can trust and talk to about any and all issues you want to. Second of all, it can provide support in the form of emotional support or directed guidance. And third, expert therapy can provide useful insights. With BetterHelp, they make it very easy for you to find an expert therapist who you resonate with and can provide you those benefits that come through expert therapy.
Also, because BetterHelp allows for therapy to be done entirely online, it's very time efficient. It's very easy to fit into a busy schedule with no commuting to your therapist's office or sitting in a waiting room or looking for parking. None of that. It's all done online. If you'd like to try BetterHelp, go to betterhelp.com slash Huberman to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Huberman.
And now for my discussion with Morgan Haussel. Morgan Haussel, welcome. Thanks so much for having me. Happy to be here. I'm excited that you have a new book coming out next year about the art of spending money. Is that right? That's right. You got it. Today, I want to talk about how to think about money. What is it? How do we frame it within our historical context, meaning our personal historical context? Because I think we all, and each think about money a little bit differently. And then talk about what is the best use or in some cases, not use of money. This is a topic that could go in any number of different directions. But my goal here is that people will get a better understanding of what money is, why they work for it. And really how to make it a true asset to their lives as opposed to something that is forever out of reach in terms of a mount or what they expected to bring them. Right. Looking forward to it.
Great. So your book starts off with this notion that people are not crazy. It's in fact the title of the chapter. Does that mean that people are rational about money? Oh, I think it's very different. What I meant by no one is crazy is that it is so easy for people to look around at society and how other people are spending their money and saving their money and investing their money and say, why the hell would anybody do that? Why would you waste your money on this? Why would you hoard your money like that? And I actually think if you peel back the onion layer and say, what's going on in those people's lives, no one is really that crazy with how they spend their money or save their money.
It makes sense to them in that moment. My brother-in-law is a social worker. He works with very disadvantaged kids, kids who are abused at home, who don't have homes. And a lot of those kids, not surprisingly, do very poorly at school. They just behave, they get in fights, they don't go to school. And it is so common for those kids that the teacher will look at those kids and say, why are you acting like this? Why don't you do the right thing? It's so obvious. And he says, there's a phrase in social work, all behavior makes sense with enough information. That if you look at what those kids are dealing with in life, it would all make sense to you, why they are misbehaving at school.
And I think that's a powerful idea for a lot of things in life that all behavior makes sense with enough information. And you can really apply it to money too, that you could easily tie how I spend my money today and save my money today based off of the experience that I've had in life, how I was raised, where I was raised, how old I am, the generation I was born into, all things that are outside of my control. And it is very common to look at people who are spending a ton of money. Well, there's a story behind that. They're spending a ton of money because they want some, you know, for a lot of them, they want some sort of attention. They're trying to get people's attention. Maybe some times they're trying to cover up a hole.
Maybe they are actually all really enjoying it. People who are hoarding a lot of money. There's a story there too. They experience something that's causing them to do that. And I think that this is really important for two reasons. One, it forces you to realize that there is not one right way to manage money, to save it, to spend it. You've got to figure out what works for you and what works for me might not work for you. There's not one answer. And it's not like math. Like in math, 2 plus 2 equals 4 for everybody. And in money, it's like you've got to figure out it for yourself. It's almost like you're tasting food or you taste the music. Like, just find out what you like and do that. The other thing is I think you become less cynical about other people's decisions. And you don't spend all your day saying, look at that idiot spending their money in a stupid way. He's like, no, it's just you've got to figure it out for yourself. I think you become happier when you're a little less cynical about how other people are doing it.
For most people, including myself, the whole notion of money and safety are very closely linked. You know, do we have enough resources to take care of ourselves plus a bit extra of one hopes? I guess I would include in taking care of oneself, buffering one's anxiety about not having enough money. That's part of the psychological care and also taking care of others that we might be responsible for or simply want to take care of. That's very closely linked to notions of how much and what type of education to get. I mean, I think everyone, presumably at some point, goes through the mental gymnastics of is it worth it to get an advanced degree? What major should I focus on? Are there any jobs there when I went to school to be a neuroscientist?
A cardiologist, a friend of our family said, why would you go into neuroscience? There are no jobs in that. There are plenty of jobs in neuroscience and still are. I wouldn't say that most of them are high paying jobs. So, you know, we know that higher education doesn't always scale with higher income. As we grow up and move into the world, you know, we're thinking about how to integrate all these different things, what we want to do because it's interesting versus what will make us money. In your experience and observation, and in writing your book, is there some sort of mental path to cut through these different considerations? I mean, when we talk about money and wealth, you know, what should we really take into consideration? Is there some sort of checklist? I mean, it becomes a pretty vast space.
I believe that you get the best workout of yourself in terms of going after things you're really interested in. But, you know, there may not be money in things that are highly interesting to somebody. I asked Daniel Kahneman a very similar question about 10 years ago. Kahneman is a world-renowned psychologist, won the Nobel Prize in Economics, passed away a year or two ago. And he said, the trait that you need to do well with money over time, no matter who you are, is a well-calibrated sense of your future regret. What are you going to end up regretting in the past? I think at the highest level, that's how you should base all of your financial decisions, is will I regret spending this or not spending this? Will I regret making or not making this investment? Now, much easier said than done.
I think most people do not fully understand their own sense of regret, what they're likely to look back and say, I wish I had not have done this. The other thing is that it changes over the course of your life. I'll give you a perfect example. I'm a big saver, have been for my entire adult life. If heaven forbid, if I were on my deathbed tomorrow, would I regret the vacations I didn't take, the cars I didn't buy, the answer right now is absolutely not. I would feel so good knowing that my wife and kids are going to be okay. So I would take so much pleasure in knowing that I did not spend that money. I saved it for their protection.
Will I still feel that way if I'm 80 years old? Then maybe I will look back and say, I should have lived a little bit more. I should have given my money away while I could have seen it being given away. So it changes throughout the course of your life. But I think if you're always thinking through the lens of, what am I going to regret? It's never about YOLO or about like, oh, you know, save today, so you can have it for tomorrow. I think that's too simple to think about it. You have to know what you're going to regret in the future and look back. And back to everyone's different. What I will regret might be very different from what you will regret.
Very interesting story from Jeff Bezos. He talked about when he started Amazon back and I think it was 1994. The reason he started it and he knew that there was very little chance it was going to work when he first started it. But he said, if I do not try this, I will regret it. And if I try it and it fails, I won't regret that. That's an amazing story that talks about his entrepreneurial spirit. The other thing when I first heard that story is, bless him for thinking that. I do not have that personality. If I devoted my entire life and my family's money and my parents' money to a startup and it failed, I might regret that. I admire and I'm grateful for the people who do not have that vision as he does, made the world better.
But everyone's sense of regret is going to be a little bit different. And sometimes this sense of what one is likely to regret, if we have access to it at all, because it sounds like we're not very good at anticipating this, as Kahneman pointed out. Most people lack a well calibrated sense of future regret. That's going to change over time, so it's dynamic. And here we're talking about investing in two year or four year degrees. We're talking about investing in one's time, that is, in a particular profession.
And I think we come up with all these explanations post hoc about, well, you know, I went to that company. I went into that line of work. I spent 10 years there, or the startup failed, but I learned a valuable lesson that then really supported me in a future endeavor. And so we rationalize our poor choices from the past in ways that allow us to connect the dots to sort of steal from the famous Steve Jobs speech. And yet all of this really says that we are very poor at placing our current experience and our past experience into any kind of future projection of ourselves. You talk a little bit about this in your book, and this really sunk in for me in a major way that we don't really know or anticipate how we are likely to change as we get older.
Right, so this thing is psychology called the end of history illusion, which means that you are very aware of how much you've changed in the last 20 years. You are smarter, wiser, you have your beliefs about things in life have evolved. And that's true for most people, but most people, if you actually dig into it, they think if you say, who will you be in 20 years from now? They think they'll roughly be the same person there today. It's always this belief that I have grown so much in the past, but I'm done growing because it's hard to project how you're going to be different in the future.
A lot of that is if I tell myself 20 years from now, I'll have very different beliefs about politics, whatever it might be. What I'm effectively admitting is what I believe today is wrong, and you don't want to believe that. Everyone wants to wake up and look in the mirror and say what I believe today is the right thing. It's just like a self justification of your own beliefs to mix it easier to go about the days. What I believe right now is the right thing. And maybe you have a little bit of doubt around the edges, but most of it is what I believe is true. So you don't want to believe that you're going to adjust and adapt those beliefs over time. So it becomes difficult to take a truly long-term view and make a decision today that is going to be something that you're not going to regret in the future. As I've always framed this, I think the only antidote to this of trying to get around this problem is avoiding the extreme ends of financial planning. And a lot of people are on the extreme ends.
On one end, you have the fire movement. The people who save 90% of their income and they want to retire at 28, kind of that kind of thing. On the other hand, you have the yellow crypto traders who are like, doesn't matter. Just throw it all down and let's see what happens. Those extreme ends are what you are most likely to regret at some point in the future. And the crypto, look, I think a lot of those people are young and they have time to make up for their mistakes. I did a lot of really dumb things with my money in my teens and twenties. But I think a lot of them, that's where they are most likely to look back. You know, it's one thing to lose a lot of money in your twenties and say, ah, it doesn't really matter. But then when you're 48 and trying to put your kids through college, that's when you're going to look back. I wish I hadn't done something like that. So those extreme ends are like, have the highest odds of future regret.
In order to, as I described it before, carve a path through this for people, wondering if people generally fall into either one or the other category of, as you described with Bezos, you know, not wanting to regret not having done something. Okay. So I think of that in sort of pseudo neurobiological terms as being drawn toward the possible dopaminergic or other rewards of having succeeded. Really, that's what he's envisioning presumably is the pain of having not had been given himself the opportunity to succeed. Yeah. Okay. That's one way to put it. And then the other path would be just avoiding the pain of loss. And there are a lot of studies, I think, condimented. Some of them, in fact, that people work a lot harder to avoid the pain of loss than to gain something.
But in thinking about the people I know of cross various wealth scales and different ages, it seems that some people are just more motivated to try new things because they like doing new things. They like the sense of reward that can come from doing those things. And so it really is painful for them to stay in the same place financially or otherwise. Other people, they like the sure thing. They like reliability. And you can see this in a lot of domains of their life. I mean, I don't want to extrapolate this to all aspects of their life. But some people like dogs that the entire breed is known for rarely ever having bitten somebody. Other people like to raise King Corzos. And while I'm sure there's some really nice loving King Corzos out there, they occasionally bite it when they bite it serious. So are we really talking about a propensity for risk versus safety? And do you think that people fall into more or less two camps on that? I think it's true that some people would go nuts if they took the safe path. And even if they're doing it in the name of like, I don't want to regret this, but they need some sort of variability in their life. They need to go out and do things.
The other element is we don't know the path that we didn't take. And I'll give you a personal example of this. 20 years ago, I was enrolled in Pepperdine. But I didn't go. I was enrolled in just at the last second I transferred. So I never actually attended, but I was all enrolled. And of course, I think, what would my life have been if I had gone there? Because the school that I transferred to, I met my wife, started my career there. And it's easy for me to say, God, I'm so glad I did not go there. Because my life would not be what it is today. But the truth is, maybe it would have been fine. It would have been better. You never know the path that you didn't take where they're going to end up.
So Dr. Kahneman's point, a well-calibrated sense of your future regret, but nobody knows the path that they didn't take and where those would go. So it just makes it very difficult to have any idea of which path you should be on in that end. So I think just avoiding those two camps of the extreme ends of it. But again, as I said earlier, I think that is actually more than half of people are on some sort of extreme end of spending way more than they can or saving way more than they need to. There's a fat tail distribution in how people manage their money. And so that's quite a few people. And I think that's why, I think it's one of the reasons why we live in a society that is richer than it's ever been by far. Not just at the top, but at the median level. The average family is richer than they've ever been. But because we manage it in such extreme ways, is it making people happier? Are we happier today than we were 40 years ago or 100 years ago? That there's not a ton of evidence for. Because managing it in a way that's actually going to make you happier and reduce your regret and live a more meaningful life is much harder than earning it and accumulating it over time.
When I was growing up, you would see a mixture of newer cars, including some very nice cars, as well as a lot of older kind of beaten up cars driving around. Nowadays, of course, this varies by area. It's actually rare to see really old beat up cars. You see some really nice old cars that have been restored, but that's a different thing altogether. And I assume this is because of credit that people can now buy things on credit. How has the ability to purchase things on credit changed the way that we think about money generally? I know people who have tremendous credit card debt. And I think are now at the point where they figure that they're never going to pay it off. They're just going to probably not live long enough to pay it off. And they're sort of comfortable with that, which is kind of scary to see. And some of them aren't even particularly big spenders. They just accrued this debt early enough and they can't seem to get out from the trap of that. I know other people who, like myself, pay off my credit card bill every month. I'm like, I hate the whatever it is, 18 plus percent interest. Even if I'm one day late, I'm like, ah, you know. And at the same time, I'm not somebody who likes to purchase many things. I'm not a things guy. I own one or two watches, one truck. Like I'm just not a things guy. But I certainly have my own psychological relationship with money that after talking to you today, I'm going to realize is not optimized either. Right? So it's easy to point fingers at people in these different groups. But going back to this issue of credit, how has the ability to own and use things that we don't really truly own, basically to exceed our income level in terms of the number and type of luxuries that we can enjoy, change the way that people think about money and use money? Because today's discussion in your book, we're talking about money as if it's something that we have, but credit basically is living outside your means. I think the knee jerk response would be, oh, it helps you pull your consumption forward so you can have more toys that you would not have had in a different era. And I actually think for a lot of people, it's the opposite.
That there are a lot of people that have holes in their life, challenges in their life. And a very easy answer if you're not happy with your life and you have a hole you're trying to fill is, well, if I had more money, this problem would go away. And in previous generations, previous decades, you could not just go out and have a ton of more money. You earned your money from your paycheck. That was what you had. Today it makes it easier to try to fill that hole in your life with money. And so you can keep on getting more and more and more. And for a lot of people, they will wake up and say, oh, if only I had that car, my life would be better.
And they go buy that car and they still feel the same. So it's like, ah, you know what? If I had that car and that watch, then I'd feel better. They get the watch, they feel the same. Ah, you know what's missing? A house. I got to go get that fancy. It's just continuous, so spiral. And since you can finance all of that, it makes it easier and easier to go on that spiral. Will Smith made this incredible realization I loved from his biography. He said, when he was, ah, poor and depressed, he had hope because he could tell himself, one day I'm going to have money and all these problems will go away.
And then when he was rich and depressed, he was still depressed and he lost all of his hope because he had more money than he could ever spend. So he could not tell himself if only I had more money, these problems would go away. And so for a lot of people, the availability of credit is giving them, I think, a false sense of hope that's keeping them on this hamster wheel of if only I had this bigger house, this nicer car, all these problems that I wake up with every morning would go away and it keeps you on that path, which I think if you actually don't have access to that much money, you're more likely to wake up and say, what is this hole? I need to fix it in a different way.
It's health, it's relationships, it's purpose, whatever it might be, rather than trying to put a band-aid of credit over it. So interesting. I sometimes think about the phrase, money can't buy happiness. And my immediate impulse is to respond with, well, somebody with a lot of money probably said that, not because I think money can buy happiness, but money can buffer stress. I have friends who've had children recently who have night nurses, they're looking a lot more rested than the ones that don't because they can't afford them. And on and on, if you have a medical issue, there's this whole world within hospitals that we won't talk about in this episode, but there's this whole world about wealth and how one is actually even treated as a person in a hospital.
There's a lot of knowledge behind the scenes about people's income level when they come into a hospital, people are going to go wide-eyed when they hear this. They'll get shuttled to different rooms, different conditions that allow them to sleep better, recover better, health outcomes depend on this. And on and on. So money can't buy happiness, but it certainly can buffer stress and it can drive outcomes. So how should we frame that, especially if we are in the pursuit of acquiring more money, more wealth? Because a lot of people are. Money absolutely can buy happiness. It's often though an indirect path. And what I mean by that is, will a big fancy house make you happier? And the answer is probably yes. But the reason it might is because it'll make it easier to host friends and family. And that's what's actually making you happy. It's those extra connections with those people.
Does going on a nice vacation make you happy? An expensive vacation, yes. Because you're going to form memories with your kids, with your spouse, with your friends, why you're there. That's what's making you happy. So you can't say that money doesn't make people happy. It does. It obviously does. The other thing that's important is what really makes people happy in their core is some sense of purpose. There's a great quote from the movie Boiler Room where he says, people who say money doesn't buy happiness don't have any. I think there's a lot of truth to that. The people who become richer say, of course, I was happier now than I was when I was poor. Of course, I would never want to go back there. But often what's happening is the reason that you are happier when you're rich is because the reason you got rich is because you found some sort of purpose.
You built a business, you were successful in your career. And that gave you a good sense of purpose and identity. And where you see the opposite of that are lottery winners who become rich, but not because they made a good investment, not because they built a business, not because they're successful and their peers liked them and whatnot. There's got lucky. And those are the people so many studies that winning the lottery will not make you happy. It might for a very short period of time, but over time it doesn't because you didn't get any added purpose.
You can't wake up in the morning and say, I built this business. I did it. I'm so successful. I got my PhD. I did. There's none of that. You just got lucky. And so that's not going to bring you much happiness. So money does make you happier. I think it can for everybody if you learn how to spend it in your personality and whatnot. Spending a lot of it, spending a ton of money can make you happier. I think there's almost no limit to it, but it's different for everybody. And it's often a roundabout way.
I think a lot about this when if I go on an expensive vacation with my kids, let's say that's a 10. That's a 10 out of 10 in terms of just happiness, memories and whatnot. But actually what was making me happy was spending uninterrupted time with my kids. So staying home and playing Legos on the living room floor with them, that might be like an 8 and a half because that's what's making me happy. You just have to figure out the actual purpose. I think a good formula for a pretty good life at the simplest level is independence plus purpose.
You need to have a purpose that is bigger than yourself, that you are chasing. Family, religion, work, whatever it might be, different for everybody. And you need to have the independence to make sure you can do it on your own terms rather than chasing somebody else's goal. It's like the highest level of psychological well-being, independence and purpose. And money is not one of those things. But you can easily see how money can help those things. Money brings you independence. It can allow you to find your purpose in a bigger way. You're not chasing, you're not at your boss's whim. You can do whatever you want, you're independent.
So using money as a tool can make you happier. Spending money can make you happier. But it's not the thing that is making you happier. It's just a tool to do other things and acquire other things that are actually making you happy. I'd like to take a quick break and acknowledge our sponsor, AG1. By now, many of you have heard me say that if I could take just one supplement, that supplement would be AG1. The reason for that is AG1 is the highest quality and most complete of the foundational nutritional supplements available. What that means is that it contains not just vitamins and minerals, but also probiotics, prebiotics and adaptogens to cover any gaps you may have in your diet and provide support for a demanding life. For me, even if I eat mostly whole foods and minimally processed foods, which I do for most of my food intake, it's very difficult for me to get enough fruits and vegetables, vitamins and minerals, micronutrients and adaptogens from food alone. For that reason, I've been taking AG1 daily since 2012. When I do that, it clearly bolsters my energy, my immune system and my gut microbiome. These are all critical to brain function, mood, physical performance and much more. If you'd like to try AG1, you can go to drinkag1.com slash Huberman to claim their special offer. Right now, they're giving away five retravel packs plus a year supply of vitamin D3K2. Again, that's drinkag1.com slash Huberman to claim that special offer. Today's episode is also brought to us by ROCA. ROCA makes eyeglasses and sunglasses that are of the absolute highest quality. I'm excited to share that ROCA and I have teamed up to create a new style of red lens glasses. These red lens glasses are meant to be worn in the evening after the sun goes down. They filter out short wavelength light that comes from screens and from LED lights. The sorts of LED lights that are most commonly used as overhead and frankly lamp lighting nowadays. I want to emphasize ROCA red lens glasses are not traditional blue blockers. They're not designed to be worn during the day and to filter out blue light from screen light. They're designed to prevent the full range of wavelengths that suppress melatonin secretion at night and that can alter your sleep. So by wearing ROCA red lens glasses, they help you calm down and they improve your transition to sleep. Most nights I stay up until about 10 p.m. or even midnight and I wake up between 5 and 7 a.m. depending on when I went to sleep. Now I put my ROCA red lens glasses on as soon as it gets dark outside and I've noticed a much easier transition to sleep which makes sense based on everything we know about how filtering out short wavelength of light can allow your brain to function correctly. ROCA red lens glasses also look cool frankly. You can wear them out to dinner or to concerts or out with friends. So it turns out it is indeed possible to support your biology to be scientific about it and to remain social after all. If you'd like to try ROCA, go to roca.com. That's ROKA.com and enter the code Huberman to save 20% off your first order. Again, that's ROKA.com and enter the code Huberman at checkout.
I love the story about spending time with your kids on vacation as unstructured time with them playing Legos at home. My graduate advisor sadly passed away very young of cancer. She was 50 and I knew her kids really when they were in the womb because she was pregnant with the first one and I attended the memorial service there and it was an incredible thing because people gave up and gave their speeches and her kids got up and by then they were I think about 8 and 11 or so. I'm sure they had a great many thoughts and feelings that they didn't share but I think that they didn't share but the one thing that really stood out is they appreciated how much unstructured time their mom had spent with them. It wasn't this big event or something. It was all the unstructured time that she had spent with them and that was very inherent to the kind of person she was and so that really stuck with me and God willing you live a very long time but I think for anyone listening to this and because of the statement that Conman made where that we are not well calibrated to sense a future regret, the unstructured time is perhaps one of the most valuable things that we can give our relationships both the people we engage in them with and ourselves and I don't think it's I don't think it's discussed enough.
There's a gerontologist named Carl Pillimer who wrote a great book called 30 Lessons for Living and what he did is he interviewed about a hundred centenarians and he just said tell me about your life what you know what advice do you have for the rest of us and there's a section of his book about money and he says of the of the thousand people it's a thousand people he interviewed of the one thousand centenarians he interviewed not a single one of them looking back at their lives said I wish I earned more money not a one but virtually every one of them said I wish I spent more time with my kids I wish I was nicer to people I wish I spent more time with my friends my family that was universal but earn more money was not in there whatsoever that stuck with me and as you point out however earning money allows for the opportunity to spend time with kids and loved ones of all kinds it can but I think there are a lot of people from it's the opposite if you are a partner at a law firm you're earning a ton of money congratulations great and you have a big house in a nice car you're also probably working a hundred hours a week and the things that might fill your soul it's different for everybody this is not universal but what might actually make you happy spending time with your friends your family exercising sleeping late is not available to you so that's why it's independence plus purpose and I think there are a lot of people who make millions of dollars per year and have no independence whatsoever they are completely tied to their bosses whims to their work to their employer they might love it I'm not saying you shouldn't do that but they have no independence at all I think there are billionaires who have no independence because they are so tied to doing things whether they like it or not and that's I think a lot of people go crazy in that situation because they're like I'm making five million dollars a year but it's not making me any happier it's like yeah what would make you happier is independence and you are pushing yourself away from that you're probably more independent when you were fifteen and had no money then you are at forty making millions of dollars a year
So then in an ideal world which of course doesn't exist one would find a vocation or a pursuit that they found really meaningful would work really really hard would make enough money to then I guess retire and spend unstructured time with the people you love and then simply stop working in this model that clearly is an artificial model that I'm creating here because it seems like after a certain point provided you earned that money through an effort that you felt was meaningful presumably with people you enjoy or even if it wasn't you found it meaningful you make that money then it seems that it's all about human interactions at that point yeah and what's true is that that scenario that you know dream scenario might be true for one percent of the people that they can earn enough money to retire young and then pursue whatever they want.
There's an entrepreneur named Felix Dennis who wrote a book many years ago called How to Get Rich and there's a quote in that book he says he was at the time maybe in his seventies and worth about a billion dollars something like that and he said if I knew what I knew now and I could do life over again I would make as much money as I could retire at age thirty five and plant trees and write poetry and he's like looking back that's what I should have done is do but let's leave aside that of course not everybody can do that what do you do he kept working he kept working even though we didn't need more money absolutely this is interesting because people who do achieve a high degree of wealth at a young age seem to keep going and we could make all sorts of assumptions about why it is that they do that expectations that they from others that their ego literally their sense of self in some way or perhaps entirely is tied to the sense that they're still in pursuit that it's somehow a failure to opt out at that point.
I mean we can speculate all day but what this guy Felix said really rings true it seems like once people reach a number and it for everyone it's going to be different it's not going to be a billion dollars for everybody once they have enough resources for themselves and the people they need to take care of maybe a little bit more as a buffer it makes no sense to continue on that path well I think there are a lot of people I think you're one of them and I'm one of them who enjoy what they do and if you and I got to a point where we're completely financially independent all the money will need for the rest of our life I would still be a writer you would still do your research because because we enjoy it yeah so it's not it's not just right and I think if actually if you are the kind of person who says once I hit my number I'm done you probably don't love your work at all almost by definition you don't I think what's dangerous so is when the money itself is part of your identity I like being a writer I like the process of writing but if I were to say I have to keep writing books because I need to make more money I just I have to have a higher net worth particularly if I'm past the point of taking care of my family then at that point I think money is actually like a liability it's a financial asset and a psychological liability it's taking control over what you're doing in life if you're saying I have to have more of it I mean if there's anything in life where you're like I have to have more and even when I get more my satiation point goes higher and higher what is that it's an addiction and that's it's controlling you at that point.
So there are a lot of people for whom money is a financial asset and a psychological liability and I think that's actually true for some of the richest people in society that the more like it it grows exponentially over time the richer you become the more addicted to having more grows on you in the backdrop of everything we've talked about thus far is the biology of dopamine reward dopamine of course being a molecule that people associate with reward but it's really about the pursuit of reward it's about more it's about and it's it's no coincidence that dopamine is involved in generating movement in the body this is why people with Parkinson's who are depleted in dopamine can't generate movement and it's also involved in generating cognitive movement and pursuit paying attention to things there is this idea that I've been pushing for a few years now that kind of throws its arms around a big literature on dopamine that says that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure but your definition is actually much better I realize addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure and or safety or a sense of safety right because here we're not talking about making more money to enjoy things more we're talking about making more money to avoid the sense that pain is coming or that we are vulnerable
and for a lot of people that pain is a social pain that they're not going to climb high enough on the social ladder that their peers are earning more than them that their neighbors have a bigger house whatever it might be that's the pain that they're trying to avoid and that is a game that cannot be won because gratefully thankfully there are a lot of very wealthy people in this world and no matter how much money you're making there's always somebody out there who's earning more living better and has a bigger house in an nicer car that's always the case so if you are on that path of I need to earn more to climb that ladder so I can have more than the next guy I mean that's that's a game that you cannot win and I think that game of comparison too also grows the wealthier you are that you are the billionaires are more likely to compare themselves to other billionaires than the minimum wage worker is to compare themselves to somebody making ten dollars an hour or whatever it's you are more likely to compare your lifestyle the richer you become
and since that comparison to other people is what gives you a feeling of inadequacy there's this irony it's hard to wrap your head around it and come to terms with it but some of the most money insecure people you'll ever meet are the richest people you'll ever meet people who live in a 15,000 square foot mansion yeah but he's got a 17,000 square foot mansion things that ordinary people would never consider that just consumes their life and again that's the point where money is like the psychological debt it's psychological liability it's controlling their it becomes an integral part of their identity they wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and they see a person who makes money that's their identity who are you I'm a person who makes money and that's when like your process of chasing it just becomes like a detriment to your happiness over time you're not using it as a tool to live a better life you're using it as a yardstick to measure yourself against others by I fundamentally believe that all forms of addiction all forms of addiction are fundamentally a fear of death they're a way of shrinking our aperture on time perception so that we're in pursuit of something
and for people that can place their addiction within work it has this feedback of being quote-unquote functional as opposed to dysfunctional this is also true for people that are continually seeking awards within their profession I mean they're these professions academia included but other professions where people are constantly pinning awards on one another and it gives this illusion of progress when in fact there's a whole world of things happening now these people often have quite healthy families and relationships so they're not mutually exclusive but I think I know a few billionaires not not many but I know some that are very happy they tend to be the people that are still working and in pursuit of new things avid learners but perhaps by virtue of the work that I do which is focused on science but also health you know the modern billionaires that I'm aware of seem to be very focused on not just making money but also trying to secure their place on the planet for a very long time not through legacy although I think many of them like to provide for the next generations in their family surely not so much by putting their names on the sides of buildings anymore this used to be the way it was done but rather trying to secure their health status because the one thing that money can buy sort of is better health care but money can't buy you more years of your life.
Except by virtue of the things that you are willing to not do and do behaviorally you still have to exercise you still have to get your sleep you have to avoid certain things and so the modern billionaires often are talking about what they're doing for their health as opposed to their yacht their car etc this has now become the kind of metric for comparison blood profiles become a sort of point of bragging for people it's pretty interesting especially given that you just look back about 50 or even 100 years and and further back and the more wealthy people were the less physical labor they were doing now they're doing more physical labor to try and live longer so what are your thoughts on the on the relationship between physical health and and money I mean obviously there's a there's a sweet spot there but there's no pill that people can purchase to live longer right
I view it in the negative sense of the people who work to get money so hard that it takes a physical toll on their body and that is so incredibly common and that's another form of debt that you can very easily you can easily measure your net worth and your income you can put a number on it very clean to measure how do you it's much harder to measure your health and it's I think it's easier for people to say yes I'm only sleeping five hours a night and I'm getting I'm on my third divorce and I'm overweight but I'm making a lot of money this year because one is very easy to measure and the others are much harder your happiness your health well not it's harder to measure that and I do think too that if you are very wealthy particularly the very very wealthy you get so accustomed towards I can snap my fingers and literally get anything a Gulfstream jet a mansion whatever I can get it right now
Health is like this last elusive thing that's gonna that by and large you cannot purchase and I think that drives a lot of people crazy and that's why if you can have anything in the world by snapping your fingers and getting it then you eventually move towards what's the thing that you don't have and that's immortality and I think that's there's a long history of that going back to the robber barons uh jaundy rocker feller was obsessed with it and your carnegate was obsessed with it if you can have everything material in the world you're still gonna have desire and ordinary people can sit around and dream and say one day I'm gonna have the mansion we're not even a mansion one day I'm gonna have a house of my own I'm gonna have a car I'm gonna send my kids to college everybody wants to dream so if all that is a given you have all the money you could ever spend you still want to dream so what do you dream about your dream about immortality and so I think that's that's been the case for a very long period of time
健康就像是那种最后的、难以捉摸的东西,大体上你无法通过购买来获得,这常常让人感到困扰。这也是为什么,如果你可以通过打个响指就得到世上的任何东西,你最终会追求那些你没有的东西,比如永生。我认为,这种追求自古以来就存在,比如大亨们,像约翰·D·洛克菲勒(John D. Rockefeller)和安德鲁·卡内基(Andrew Carnegie)都对此非常执着。如果你已经拥有世上一切物质财富,你仍然会有渴望。普通人可能会梦想着有一天能拥有一栋大房子,或者更实际点,拥有自己的房子、车子,能送孩子上大学,每个人都有自己的梦想。所以,即便你拥有了可以用不完的钱,你还是会去追寻梦想。那么,你会梦想什么呢?你会梦想永生。所以,我认为这种追求已经持续了很长时间。
What's interesting too is that there was a there was a historian who looked back at the british peerage he got a lot of data on how long people lived in in various points of the UK economy and what he found was until about I think it was 1750 the richest members of the UK had among the shortest lives the poorest people were some of them who were living the longest and he dug into it so how could this be the richest people die the fastest and what he found is the richest people were the only ones who could afford all the quack medicines and the sham doctors who were just poisoning them they're poisoning them to the back in the day when we knew nothing about medicine so I think the idea of
of I want a better life and I should be able to buy that like there's a long history of that backfiring on people as well yeah there's a lot of excitement right now about stem cells and treatments that currently are not available in the United States that are are available out of country and I get asked about these a lot most of them don't have FDA approval yet some of them probably never will have FDA approval we'll probably talk about stem cells another time do you think you see this though where the wealthiest people are spending money on treatments that you either know are not going to work or are very questionable yeah work all the time and then my backfire on you that might make you less healthy oh absolutely I mean I'll just point out
I don't have anything against stem cell therapies I think they hold great potential but there is a true story about a stem cell clinic down in Florida prior to the FDA you know bringing the gavel down on them of injecting stem cells into the eyes of wealthy people who could afford the treatment these people had certain markers for macular degeneration and other things that can cause blindness and guess what happened to these people they all went blind right so that brought the gavel down on stem cell therapies generally in this country a lot of people are getting infusions of stem cells and related things out of country they're coming back and they're walking and talking so and they're calling me and they're asking what my thoughts are and I have a lot of thoughts I mean I think that the basics of longevity are clear right I mean you want to avoid you know head trauma and environmental toxins those things are real and and if you have certain mutations like brachamutations you know you need to be more careful about cancer and avoid smoking all this stuff right alcohol turns out to be pro-cancerous and things of that sort but then it's you know it's physical activity it's nutrition it's social connection it's sleep it's sunlight is you know it's all the things that I've talked about in this podcast and that other people talk about as well but yes very wealthy people are looking for that edge to live longer and it is true that when you start to layer in all the basics of do's and don'ts all the behaviors and then you start to augment that with a few extra things you get the sense of more vigor that sort of suggests they may live longer but we still don't know right we still don't know with the exception of exercise that we absolutely know can enrich mitochondrial density give people more energy and vigor etc you know most most of this is still a big question mark
see I could see a very wealthy person using their money if you are very sick and you have a rare cancer to throw the kitchen sink at it every excellent those those million-dollar therapies will not absolutely I think it's a different animal if you are already pretty healthy to say I'm going to throw my money at trying to become immortal or close to it whatever it might be that's that's that's a different thing I totally agree and I think what we're talking about here is as you said it fairly quickly but I think I want to highlight it because I think it's really important that even people who have billions of dollars still have a sense of of yearning for something that's missing or that they don't have and in some cases that's the sustaining factor to their well-being you say it's also good to be in pursuit right maybe that's with dopamine too right we always want more it's it's the pursuit of more and if you're wealthy enough to have everything you still have a set a part of your brain say yeah but I want more I want more I want more and if you've exhausted the physical part of the world that material part of the world and let's leave aside the billionaires even the average ordinary American family that owns a modest house owns a car that functions well owns nice clothes will send their kids to a state school by a lot of historical definitions they have everything they have everything you would ever need but you're always yearning for more it's always this pursuit of well what else don't I have
and I think nothing you what you want more than anything in life is what you want and cannot have that's what you're going to chase with all of your effort is the thing that you want and cannot have and I think that that that's where health comes in for a lot of these people as long as you think that there's a possibility you could get it the the dopamine circuit loves you want what you feel is just out of your reach but might be possible to achieve I mean this is why people throw so much money away gambling but maybe with social media it makes it seem so that there are virtually anything is within your reach because it used to be before social media that your view of the world was mostly your neighbors and your coworkers and your siblings and now everybody's view of the world is a curated highlight real of the most extreme events in the world so if you are a 15 year old scrolling through instagram then what is within your reach what looks within your reach is a Ferrari and a private jet and a mansion in a way that didn't exist when you and I were kids and I think it it makes the aspiration level that much harder and real examples of people who went from nothing to immensely popular or wealthy etc I mean gosh I would say about once a month somebody walks right up to me and says just watch someday I'm gonna have the top podcast in the world on blank and they're trying to see this thing that they've seen on social media which are examples of people you know kind of you used to be called rags to riches but you know the parallels in different universes but there's a famous musician I think his name is Ed Sheeran who there's still a video of him early on saying like he knew he was gonna make it if you watch the Conor McGregor documentary it's amazing I think it's called notorious on Netflix even if people aren't into to MMA they should they should at least watch the first part he was videotaping himself very early on and he made this prediction that he was gonna be a world champion and then he ends up being a world champion right um this is great anecdote that Kanye West used to practice his Grammy speech when he was walking to the train because he couldn't afford the car like when he was an absolute nobody he was practicing his Grammy acceptance speech of just like absolute ambition of where you're going
yeah and I don't know if this anecdote is true but there's the the anecdote that I heard that you know Matt Damon and um Ben Affleck practicing their Academy Awards acceptance speech on the school in the schoolyard when they were kids and then they gave their speech and they were you know laughing about that I grew up skateboarding so the when I first got into it the Tony Hawks and the Mike McGills and Steve Caballero's these were the names of the time where like these these luminaries right
the gap between us and them was so huge by the time I was a junior in high school my best friend at the time Paul Zuwan it sent in a videotape of himself to a company called Planet Earth he got sponsored next thing you know we're in the shop watching him skateboard and within a year or two he had his own pro model yeah so you I think social media gives us not just a sense of what's out there but it gives us very salient examples of people that went from completely unknown to extremely known just this last year there's the you know the so-called hawk to a girl you know it's interviewed outside of bars and like she now has a very popular podcast she has sponsors she's known literally became one of the most famous people in the country right
and and it has a financial stream now of of income through her podcast and so this raises the the sort of idea in people's minds or that the possibility however remote that if somebody puts a camera in front of you by virtue of one thing that you say you could suddenly be a internationally known person and potentially go from quote unquote rags to riches if you look at the studies when you ask teenagers what is your preferred career what do you want to be when you grow up it used to be astronaut used to be doctor used to be entrepreneur now it's influencer by far that's what people want to be it seems like the quickest path to fame and wealth and for a lot of people it is
my sister-in-law is a kindergarten teacher she has a girl in her class who has over a million followers on youtube as a kindergartener like that that didn't exist when you and i were kids or it was so rare but now like like enough people know stories like that even if there are a few of them enough people know stories to give you the sense of hope of like well if they could do it i could do it too well i'll tell everyone out there that um if you think that uh fame is what you want um fame restricts your freedom it does not increase your freedom there's a great quote from devol where he says which you want to be is rich and anonymous that's a sweet spot that you want to be the opposite you are poor and famous uh and that's that's the hardest spot to be in but if you can be rich and anonymous because i think there's a really important concept with money that i call social debt which is when the money that you have influences it changes how other people think of you and even maybe maybe how you think about yourself and you can measure your asset it's not it's not actually debt like it's not like debt you repay the bank but it is very much a debt in terms of it is an anchor on your happiness that you have to repay and fame is the ultimate social debt and for a lot of people there social debt of fame is more than the money that they made from whatever made them famous to begin with
and there's this anecdote from tiger woods where he said he loves scuba diving because when he's 100 feet under the ocean is the only time in the world where people aren't taking pictures of him and asking things of him and gawking at him like that's that sucks that's not that you have a lot of sympathy for somebody like that but it does suck like you can measure his net worth very quickly what's your net worth just show me the number how do you measure the liability of feeling like you have no privacy unless you are scuba diving that's a that's a hard thing and at various levels a lot of people have that even if you are earn a modest income and all of a sudden your friends your family start saying hey i can you know i heard you got a raise i could i could use a little bit myself that's a social debt they want you to pay at dinner and whatnot and for maybe you're happy to do that you're happy to share it but let's not pretend that there's not a little bit of social debt and liability that comes with every added amount of income that you have i mean so much of social media is just by definition in terms of the the number of followers being displayed etc number of likes and comments being displayed is is designed to set up these metrics of comparison
yeah the smartest minds of the generation work at facebook and instagram and twitter to figure out how to give you fomo how to generate a little bit more dopamine and they're very good at it i'd like to take a quick break and thank one of our sponsors function i recently became a function member after searching for the most comprehensive approach to lab testing while i've long been a fan of blood testing i really wanted to find a more in-depth program for analyzing blood urine and saliva to get a full picture of my heart health my hormone status my immune system regulation my metabolic function my vitamin and mineral status and other critical areas of my overall health and vitality function not only provides testing of over a hundred biomarkers key to physical and mental health but it also analyzes these results and provides insights from talk doctors on your results for example in one of my first tests with function i learned that i had two high levels of mercury in my blood this was totally surprising to me i had no idea prior to taking the test function not only helped me detect this but offered medical doctor informed insights on how to best reduce those mercury levels which included limiting my tuna consumption because i'd been eating a lot of tuna while also making an effort to eat more leafy greens and supplementing with nak and acetyl cysteine both of which can support glutathione production and detoxification and worked to reduce my mercury levels comprehensive lab testing like this is so important for health and while i've been doing it for years i've always found it to be overly complicated and expensive i've been so impressed by function both at the level of ease of use that is getting the test done as well as how comprehensive and how actionable the tests are that i recently joined their advisory board and i'm thrilled that they're sponsoring the podcast if you'd like to try function go to function health dot com slash huberman function currently has a wait list of over 250 000 people but they're offering early access to huberman lab listeners again that's function health dot com slash huberman to get early access to function
One thing that um I wish somebody would do maybe it's been done is you mentioned earlier this uh not typical but I guess semi-common thing of an article will come out and say you know that the five things that um people say on their deathbed or that they and they look back and they mentioned that they wish they'd spent less time at work they wish they'd spend more time with their kids or more time in nature perhaps has anyone ever just asked people directly um what were the things that they are most proud of or the things that they really feel brought them tremendous meaning then and as they're passing away uh because it's it's it's related but it's kind of the inverse of the same question yeah warm buffet brought this up one time he said a good way to think about life is it's it's kind of grim but he said write what you want your obituary to say and then work backwards to live up to it and in that situation if you were to write like what do you want your obituary to say most people would say oh i i hope it says morgan was a good father he was a good husband he helped his community he was admired by his co-workers that's what i wanted to say and for a lot of people it's different for everyone but it would be something like that and why buffet said it was important is because nobody who's writing their preferred obituary would say uh would uh include the size of their house how many horsepower their their car had how nice their clothes were because everybody knows it doesn't matter and it's like uh i forget who made this idea there's a thing between resume virtues and eulogy virtues that was uh david brooks said that thank you resume virtues are you know how much money you make uh your degrees everything eulogy virtues is he was a great father he was a great friend he helped his community he was funny and i think most people really aspire to have eulogy virtues but they spend all their day chasing resume virtues resume virtues can be great i want a good education i want a good income but what you're really trying to chase is to use those things to gain more resume virtues at the end of the day so i think if you think about it through that lens a lot of these things become clear and that's why like i said going on a great vacation with my kids if that's a 10 what's really fun about that is is spending time with them when i'm detached from work i'm not checking my phone every seven seconds i'm just spending hours with my kids giving them my full attention that's what made me happy the view was great on the beach cool but that's what made me happy and i can do that at home can i and so that's that's the difference between like going to maui is a resume virtue spending time with your kids is the eulogy virtue
Why is it do you think that even though we've perhaps all heard by now that you know compounding interest is great right you put in let's say a smaller amount of money into even just a savings account that's accruing a couple percent you know it varies year by year and with the economy of course or into the markets that over time if you quote unquote set it and forget it just kind of like put it there and walk away that you're likely to make x percent over time and you can look at the plot you can you can look at that line upward into the right it almost always is jagged line drifting upward to the right and even just scroll over and see okay at age whatever i'm going to have x number of dollars and that value is often very high relative to where one's current wealth is even if they're a student or they have very little put away we all hear this we can see it you can run the models it's almost trivial and yet people don't do that even if they have the income to save is it that hard for us to project our emotional state and the sorts of things that we integrate in terms of life meaning and value into the future that most people just don't do that and why do you think that is i mean i'm not asking you to play neurobiologist here i mean i think we both agree that that time perception is a complicated thing but you would think that people would just sort of get it but we're not rational most people aren't rational in that way they don't say if they don't invest and they don't compound interest and so they end up with a lot less money than they could have and a lot more regret.
yeah i think there's two ways to think about this one is uh my friend michael baton i could uh phrased it this way he said if i ask you what is eight plus eight plus eight plus eight you figure that out in five seconds that's an easy one if i said what is eight times eight times eight times eight times eight even if you're a math nerd that's it's it's too hard you can't figure it out we're not wired for exponential thinking you just can't do it and therefore a lot of even if you show you the numbers hey invest a small amount retire with a million dollars i think it's so counterintuitive and that most people see that and you're like okay that doesn't doesn't really seem right doesn't really pass a sniff test how big the numbers can get how quickly the numbers can get big the other thing is if you tell a young person hey you have 50 years in front of you to invest that's great times on your side when you're when you're 70 years old you're gonna have 10 million dollars 50 years from now might as well be 10,000 years from now you're talking about people who are new who don't know what they're gonna eat for dinner tonight and you're talking about like hey let's let's talk about the year 2077 like it's so far out of there even if that's the right way to think about it it's it's a tough way to think about it and time perception you mentioned is so difficult for people if i said you're gonna get punched in the face in 10 seconds like that's a fear and you're like oh i don't but if i said someone's gonna punch you in the face 50 years from now i'm like i'll deal with it when i get there it's so easy to put out a side out of mind and so and the other thing is Warren Buffett talked about this a lot he said actually it was Charlie Munger who said this he said when teaching finance to young people people either understand it instantly or never it's like some people are just wired to get it and some people aren't and that's always been the case Munger and Ois often said all the time he said the iron rule of math is only 1% of people can end up in the top 1% and that's why for a lot of people yes you should save and invest for 50 years let's not pretend that that is easy or that everybody is psychologically able to do it some people are wired definitely of course that's the case as they are with health and intelligence and lots of other things.
so i do think there's a thing for financial education with getting people to understand what is possible but i don't think we'll ever live in a world where everyone gets it and does it i don't think that world has never existed and i think will never exist because it's not math it's not a spreadsheet it's behavior and we now live in a world where we understand the dangers of smoking and highly processed foods and whatever it might be but even if we know it people still do it because it's behavioral it's not intelligence so showing people the numbers and getting them to do it is night and day do you know how they got people to stop smoking in particular young people it wasn't by scaring them about their health turns out the most effective campaign to get especially young people to stop smoking was to hijack the inherent rebellion of youth and to display ads of wealthy older people in rooms full of smoke so it became a us as the youth rebelling against them the older generation that are trying to take our money had. nothing to do with health i love that and it absolutely worked yeah and uh i friends that work on this sort of thing in the context of public health as it relates to all sorts of public health initiatives and the effective way to change human behavior as it relates to health is to incentivize aesthetics to incentivize fear or to hijack fear of dying but even fear of dying is not sufficient as compared to hijacking these cross-generational let's just call them frictions that exist so i found that to be interesting
used a math example of eight plus eight plus eight versus eight times eight times eight times eight and you said that that human brain is not capable of exponential thinking or most people's brains are not capable of exponential thinking i think um you either intentionally or inadvertently hit on something really important i don't know that the dopamine reward system which is the fundamental currency of pursuit and reward across all time scales it's kind of wild right one neuromodulator and there other things involved that modulate that modulator but one neuromodulator is involved in reward pursuit across all time scales whether or not we're playing let's say we're both competitive enough to play a game of chess or checkers dopamine is motivating the pursuit for the win or a four-year degree or an eight-year degree or why you would want maybe your kids to win a soccer game like now you're like a third-personing dopamine right it's across all time scales all scenarios it's incredible and across many species
so it makes me wonder and i'll have to ask some of my colleagues that work on these dopamine reward schedules uh for a living whether or not the dopamine reward system actually can do exponential math it might not be able to do exponential math it might be that the pursuit of water the pursuit of mates the pursuit of food the pursuit of shelter which is what these dopamine circuits evolved under the constraints of whether or not they are even capable of doing exponential thinking or if it's like the marshmallow test which got misconstrued in many ways but it's like yeah would would you rather have one right now or two in the future it's i think for a lot of people it's it's just like there there are some people for whom like they're wired so differently for this so you hear stories about like the old the old very wealthy people the old billionaires of them when they were 20 years old they would not get a haircut because they knew that three-dollar haircut would compound into a hundred dollars by time they're older
they were just so wired from birth to understand this and to have a very long perception of time to do it by definition that's the rarity most people are not like that and i i don't know if they should be either i don't know if you should be the kind of person your entire life who is always saving for a future and and never enjoying what you have too like that could lead to a lot of regret as well and there are those people so let's parse the marshmallow test the marshmallow test i think initially done at stanford um i think it was a being nursery school or something like that or maybe somewhere at stanford if i'm wrong someone will correct me in the comments of course for those that don't know is you they brought these really cute kids into rooms and they put the marshmallow in front of them and they told them they could eat it now or they could wait and they could get two marshmallows later and then they videotape them and the the videos are absolutely delightful of the kids you know like distracting themselves or having the marshmallows talk or taking little piece of the marshmallows i mean it reveals as much variation on human self-constraint behavior as you could possibly imagine and they're really interesting
As you know I would like to know whether the children that were able to wait and therefore get two marshmallows were trying to resist the temptation or whether or not they were being pulled forward by the anticipation of two marshmallows. My understanding and maybe this is not complete but my understanding at least part of it was neither of those two things. The kids who did the best and resisted it were the ones who distracted themselves. They weren't even thinking about the marshmallow. They would sing a song, they would start playing with their shoes, they'd play with another kid. The ones who could not resist are the ones who just sat there staring at the one marshmallow that was tempting them. That's too hard to resist, almost everybody will resist that. It was like the environment that they put themselves in, but they weren't thinking into the future about how great it would be to have two marshmallows. I don't think so. I think they were they were so because their kids are so distracted. They have the memory of a goldfish. They they wanted they wanted to just go do something. They'd sing a song, they'd play with their shoes, they'd play their friends, and then by didn't of doing that all of a sudden they had waited long enough to get the two marshmallows. I think that was at least part of it and I think there's the truth for a lot of people too.
Take about think about the stock market where uh so much temptation to always watch it and see what it's doing because we have CNBC and there's the ticker and the lights are green and red and whatnot. For a lot of people it's impossible to watch that or even worse robin hood you get a push notification on your phone that's too hard to resist. But you know where you see very good investing behavior where people do a really good job is when you invest automatically every paycheck into your 401k and you forgot your password because that environment is is against temptation there's there's nothing to do you forgot your password but if you're just bombarding yourself with stimulus of what to do most people cannot resist that. My way of dealing with social media i would say compulsion not addiction is I now one could take an old phone um i actually gotten a phone specifically for social media so i have instagram and x on that phone. I don't even recall the number of that phone. I airdrop things onto it if i want to post, and i i do what uh rogan calls post and ghost yeah. so you post and then it goes into a box because otherwise I'm just absolutely blown away by how much time can be sucked away all of it. Um you tell yourself I'm gonna just look at social media for a moment and then you're pulled down some rabbit hole it's just incredible the way they've designed these algorithms to they get you and of course i like social media I teach on social media this conversation will probably be you know fragments of it will be on social media but um i think that people don't realize how compulsion inducing the dopamine circuitry is and once you start getting pulled down it you're you're a different organism altogether and uh you know it's not a coincidence that the people who have the largest social media accounts spend very little time on social media this is this is much it just gets overwhelming. Well you're spending time doing things like commenting and liking and and there's a liability to some of that but there's a reward to it too an immediate reward what you're not doing is going and doing the thing that you bring to social media that brings you more followers and views now so I always think of social media as uh the last point in a funnel where I go do things in real life like research papers talk to people um learn and then organize that learning into a format that I think people can benefit from and then put it on social media but that's the the end point. Yeah and so if I stay too long there um then I'm not getting more material it's almost like if if I were a farmer um you know this is like you know that once the crops ship you know I'm not gonna stand there just like looking at the road as the as the truck away field yeah you got to get back and plant more seeds and plow the field I mean that made it so I like to think about these things in these very basic terms because I feel that the dopamine circuitry hasn't evolved right but we have new new technologies that have hijacked it to some extent.
Jerry Seinfeld said one of the reason he quit his show in the 1990s was because what made it so good and so funny is that he and Larry David would go like sit in a deli and watch people order and make a joke and sort of got their content from was observing the world but they got so busy and so famous that they couldn't do that anymore. He knew that it was going to come at the detriment of the show that it wasn't like the ultimate reward of like how big was the season how many people watch the show which money do we make what made them great was going out and living and doing their. thing and once it came at the expense of that it it didn't work anymore well this raises a really key point for people uh including myself which is in an ideal world one can make a living that is sufficient for their needs doing something that you truly enjoy doing or i would say to be realistic where 75 percent of the activities are pleasurable yeah maybe 15 percent are kind of neutral and then the remainder there's some punishing features there are punishing features in every profession yes jeffy as i said if you can enjoy half that's pretty good okay all right so i'm a little more stringent with my with my yeah more of an optimist than Bezos hey i don't
but then again he's Bezos um yeah where i mean you want to be able to enjoy your work not all aspects of it are are going to be pleasurable but ideally that's the case because what we're talking about here is effort that precedes dopamine yeah and i'm a big believer that dopamine that is not preceded by effort is very dangerous it's not just things that are addictive but by way of example methamphetamine cocaine dramatically and quickly spiked dopamine levels with no effort put in with no effort put in and then of course we know from the beautiful work of my colleague analemki and others that then the the dopamine profile is that then the higher the peak and the faster the rise to peak then the more drop below baseline and the more time it takes to return to baseline and typically what people do is when they're below baseline in terms of their dopamine that's when they really start hitting the hammer with whatever behavior or substance and all it does is drive that baseline further and further and further down maybe that's a good analogy for the lottery winner who gets a lot of money a lot of dopamine in this example but then put anything into it you didn't build a business you didn't work at your career you just got lucky so it doesn't feel as good there's no effort put into to like base it against compared against what you were talking about before which is time that's unstructured with your kids playing legos it's almost it sounds effortless it's not like you're like oh i gotta go play with my boys legos i'm sure that you're like yes like this is fun this is this is the good stuff as they say and so there are forms of reward it seems that are not preceded by effort although you had to raise those kids and you know your wife had to do stuff
yeah give birth to those kids and it's work but it but in terms of what's happening in in that limited time frame it's just so seamless right it's just sheer pleasure and yet that kind of pleasure is enriching is it this has me very perplexed as a biologist i still don't know the underlying mechanisms but clearly we have multiple paths to pleasure but i think we have only one path for motivation and that's dopamine but i think there are multiple forms of pleasure and i'm certain that dopamine that is high levels of dopamine that are not preceded by effort are not just bad they are downright dangerous i feel like so much of it too with parenting this is a slightly different topic but it's the things that you're not trying to have fun with that build the biggest memories and for me it's when i travel with my son he's nine so we go on a lot of trips now what's fun is not the event we're going to whether it's skiing or football game that's not the best part of the trip the best part of the trip is flying with him renting a car with him going out to dinner with him that's where you get all the memories it's like it's a process of doing it that's good that you're really enjoying that's going to build all the memories not necessarily the final destination where you're going yeah i just want to hover on that for a second because i can think of numerous examples in my life where the best parts of a relationship we're like a drive home with someone where like you know i'm asleep for part of the time they're asleep for part of the time and you get back and like you really you feel like you really did something there's something bonding about about traveling with people
yeah it's even in the absence of external input like you're you're just uh what is that it must be something fundamental some fundamental circuit about about journeying with with other members of our business going through a challenge with someone going through going through a journey of like we did this together we went through it together i think there's so much of that if you go on you go on a long hike with somebody at the top like you want to hug each other like we just did that together and it's not it's not even up being at the top it's like the journey you did with each other it's so cliche but i think it's true for a lot of things and what's that movie with the meal hirsch where he um it's a true story uh but the guy that goes out into the elaskan wilderness and lives on that bus and sadly he passes away there i just spoiled it for you um but he has i think it's called into the wild into the wild where he's obsessed with this notion of bonding with nature but then in his journal a real journal of a guy that really died out there um he gets to the realization that the the fundamental uh pursuit in life is to experience things with other people people absolutely yeah and this is why solitary confinement is such a torture
the extreme end of it brutal right brutal on the other end of the spectrum there's freedom so let's talk about freedom yeah it means different things to different people but certainly one does not want to be enslaved by anything including their own pursuit of work so they're i think at least two forms of anti-freedom one would be the type that exists within our head we have to continue on this track because i'm afraid of failure or i'm in pursuit of something and we are actually enslaved in a way that we uh sort of create for ourselves in the in the act of pursuit the other is the job where you know it's providing resources but we really don't need to be there and yeah people don't hop off the train yeah you know they could they could escape the the dreaded boss or the dreaded circumstance you know i remember a time when all i wanted was a window at work that opened for fresh air that's all i wanted i just i just wanted a window that opened i even tried to find one of these like little saws to saw that but then the maintenance people or the whatever the facilities people told me i'd get in trouble um we we yearn for freedom we hate we hate enslavement right for all the obvious reasons in your observation what is the best way to frame this need for freedom and i have to imagine that people listening are at various points along their their careers um what have you observed here in yourself and with other people you talk to yeah wealthy not wealthy what is freedom how do how do we get real freedom i think there's a there's an anecdote that i love which was from uh frickland roosevelt when he was a kid i think he was like five years old he complained to his mother one day he said my entire life is rules and schedules and i hate it so his mom said okay franky tomorrow you can do whatever you want do the day is yours anything you want and his mom sir roosevelt wrote in her diary that night he said that day that he could do anything he went back to his normal schedule he did everything on schedule like he was supposed to do but he was much happier because nobody was telling him to do it and i think that's what's true for a lot of people freedom does not mean you do nothing it doesn't necessarily mean you retire doesn't mean you quit working i want to be free and independent which means i want to wake up every morning and say i can do whatever the hell i want today even if most mornings what i want to do is work and be productive and put myself to use so i think a lot of people misconstrued freedom as i'm gonna i'm gonna ride off into the sunset and do nothing
Now it's like no i think people have an inherent drive to want to be productive and social and do things but there's a big difference between your boss telling you to do it and doing it on your own terms when i was a junior in college like a lot of young men i wanted to be an investment banker that's what looked like power and prestige so i got this investment banking internship and it was absolutely miserable uh they had this saying that i it is so funny in hindsight they said if you don't come to work on saturday don't bother coming back on sunday like just the culture of it was work as work 100 hours a week just just go nuts with it and i hated i hated every single second man and i had to leave but it wasn't because i was not into hard work i think i was absolutely willing to work hard i didn't want anyone to tell me to do it and so when i became um you know not necessarily financially independent but i could have a job it was it was more entrepreneurial it was like oh i will work very hard and sometimes i might work as hard as an investment banker i might work 80 hours a week but it's on my terms and i think everyone is way more willing to do that than they are to be told what to do i think that is an inherent human driver and if you can use your money for independence to where you can wake up and say i have the financial flexibility to work where i want live where i want retire what i want take a different job move to a different department even if it's going to pay less that giving yourself independence and autonomy i think for most people is what's going to drive that's that's that's the highest tool that you can use with money and what's important about that is where do you get independence with money it's the things you don't spend money on it's the car you didn't buy it's the house you didn't buy and most people will view that as like idle money you're saving up money it's just sitting in the bank doing nothing no no it's giving you independence and what's you view is like every dollar that you don't spend is money that you are actually spending on independence it's not idle it's giving you a it's giving you marginal more independence than you had the day before then i think that's that to me that's why i save money i'm not saving money because i'm a i'm a pessimist i think it's all got to come collapsing down i'm saving money because i want to be independent because that's what i think is going to give me the most fulfillment the most happiness and that's where the savings comes from wow i think this is a super important concept
Paragraph 1:
how should the person who is let's just say early mid-career who likes what they're doing but thinks that this is probably not the thing for them i hear about this all the time i think it's this like yeah like it's it's good but it's a ton of work it's unclear how it's going to turn out but they feel like they're already on the conveyor belt yeah there's always this question of do you do you stay in investment banking another year to make a bunch of money and then you get out so that you then have the freedom to pursue something where you have more freedom you know people are always playing this kind of mental math and i don't think there's a a clear answer unless of course you're lucky enough that like you fall in love with science i mean i did not become a neuroscientist to make money and lord knows i didn't i mean i made some i may living but if people heard what i was making as a tenured forty five-year-old professor at a one of the premier universities in the world where the salaries are relatively high they would be shocked just shocked at post tax income is quite low by bay area standards right but did you feel like you had independence you can teach what you want say what you want there was a level of independence absolutely oh and i loved it and and um you know and i still teach there and you know it's one of these things where i wouldn't trade it for anything right
Paragraph 2:
i also in terms of intellectual stimulation in terms of being able to look to my left or look to my right and and realize that most of the people at samford students include are just phenomenal like that their level of intellect their drive their excitement for what they're doing They know when it ends up there by accident right so that was and remains extremely exciting um but i think a lot of people unless they they find a profession that they really love or there's some feature of that profession that that keeps them you know looped in in a way that that feels satisfying you know the people etc most people are kind of thinking like all right how do i work to make a living and then you know like what what's the exit ramp people think a lot about exit ramps and sometimes it's a dollar amount but also it's the idea that maybe you know go work on their real love which might be like gardening they want to you hear about these these sort of hobby interests right i'll go i'll write poetry or all you know. go you know what ceramics or something like that um the things that they truly enjoy doing how how should people optimize along those must versus want to versus sort of aspirational goals two things come to mind here one is like if most people understand inherently the dangers of communism or something if the government's telling you what to do one to do it what to say that's a bad thing that's going to erode society but a lot of those people work at a at a job where their boss tells them what time to come in what to wear what to say how to act what not it's so they they they really understand it fundamentally at one level but they're actually doing some version
Paragraph 1:
now companies have to manage their employees whatnot it's it's not a a knock against that but i think what's really true for independence and people if when they if they eventually move on to writing poetry and playing in their garden whatever it might be is that you eventually is that you leave on your own terms that whatever your exit from your career was was because you wanted to do it on your own terms so the thing in psychology called the peak end rule where uh to simplify it minimalize it a lot of how you remember any endeavor that you did in life a career vacation whatever it is is how you felt at the very end and for a lot of people if you have a great career you enjoyed your career you helped people you made money your colleagues appreciated you but then you got fired or your boss came to you and said you're too old to keep doing this that's bad that's that's you you'll never recover from that and you compare that to the people who quit on their own terms they said look i'm proud of my career but that's enough i'm going to take a step back and pass the baton to another generation those are the people who even if they didn't really enjoy their career that much will look back at it fondly because it gets back to freedom and autonomy and control do you leave on your own terms or you forced out on somebody else's schedule and so i think maximum wherever you go in life whatever you're doing even if you're not an entrepreneur maximizing for independence and autonomy and doing it on your own terms on your own calendar is absolutely vital in anything you're doing i mean most people are not necessarily particularly as they get older or not necessarily scared of death they're scared of a death not on their own terms with that that's going to sneak up on them where they're not going to have a chance to say goodbye so i think that's a good analogy for a lot of these things we're we're we're not scared of the ultimate outcome we're scared of not being able to do it on our own terms
Paragraph 2:
i once heard Ray Dalio say something along the lines of you know the first third of your life is spent trying to learn how to function in the world then there's a kind of middle third where you are acquiring resources to be able to take care of yourself and people close to you and then in the final third of your life you want to take your knowledge take what you gleaned in terms of financial and other types of wealth because of course there are other types of wealth and put back you know for subsequent generations is a beautiful model if you think about it as very different as that when you get older you either become an elder or elderly you get to choose which one you want to be an elder and help other people or elderly you're just going to disintegrate over time you got to choose which one nowadays we have both the benefit and the problem of people living longer and maintaining vigor longer and therefore working longer this is certainly true in academia people don't like to retire they really do not like to retire and i don't think it's just so they can make more money i think it's so they can stay intellectually active people getting into science typically because they like learning or academics generally they have a campus office where they go to and you know it makes them feel socially connected so you can understand all the reasons why these people in their late 60s 70s and even 80s sometimes even 90s continue to continue to go to work it's rare for these older generations of people that stay in various professions to continue to glean resources but it happens i mean i how old is buffet 93 maybe
Paragraph 1:
yeah he's still investing yeah oh yeah full time okay and i'm presumably he's going to use that money for what either philanthropy or generational wealth within his family is that the plan he's already given away i think about 100 billion and the plan is to give away the the vast majority i think he announced recently that he was going to leave each of his kids a billion dollars for philanthropy not for their personal use but for philanthropy and the rest is all is all given away oh yeah the the children of the ultra rich that inherit all their wealth i don't know what the numbers are there i know a great number of them squander it yes but i also know a few examples of something that really make good on those and those incredible assets that they inherited and are you know very thoughtful hardworking people it does happen there are a couple of families i think of all the big robber baron families of 150 years ago the Rockefellers probably did it the best the Rockefellers still have a lot of wealth the Vanderbilts by far did it the worst they just squandered it in a couple generations
Paragraph 1:
and this is fairly well known now but it's pretty interesting the first Vanderbil air who did not get a trust fund for whom all the money was was dried up the first person who didn't get any money was Anderson Cooper of cnn his mother Gloria Vanderbil was the last Vanderbilt who got a big trust fund and Cooper i think not coincidentally is the most successful and probably the happiest Vanderbilt air in 150 years and he's talked about this he was like i was the first person my family who had to make a name for himself the fact that his last name's not Vanderbilts Cooper and he didn't get any money he was like i had to go out and find my own way and find my own identity whereas all of his ancestors their identity was you're rich from birth that's your identity you don't need to go out and make a name for yourself you don't need to work hard you don't need to create anything all you need to do is sit here and spend your money and it made them miserable and Cooper was the first person look this is this is very anecdotal and that's how it's going to work for everyone but the first person who had to make a name for himself and work for himself was the one who was the most successful and probably the happiest super important concept again incredibly important i think because people often will think that they because they were born into families that didn't have a lot of money that somehow they were given the short end of the stick and in some sense they were right i mean it's one thing to grow up in a in a world with assets and another world where you don't have assets um but we don't often hear about the the downside it's hard to have sympathy for a vanderbelt heir who inherited four hundred million dollars on their 18th birthday well they can have a lot of sympathy for that right well this shows succession right you know it's all about the the horrible interpersonal dynamics of people that have a lot of wealth because it's never enough and they they self-destruct essentially i think the situation is you don't have sympathy for them but you should also realize that if you were in their shoes you would probably self-destruct as well it's very difficult to do once in a while you see someone who is completely motivated irrespective of money you know marx zuckerberg was offered a billion dollars cash for facebook when i think he was 22 and he said no i don't want it i'm going to keep going that's a ridiculously rare personality and i think you know most people if i inherited a billion dollars in my 18th birthday i probably would have no motivation but if musk did if you all must didn't wouldn't slow them down whatsoever
Paragraph 1:
jeff basil stid marx zuckerberg did those are very rare people who have motivation that is so detached from money i wonder if it's the excesses of wealth that um destroy people or if it's the fact that the excesses take them away from the pursuit of what delivered the wealth in the first place for a lot of those people it's the pursuit of solving the problem that's that's doing it and i've i've a good friend patrick o' shaughnessy who phrased it this way i'm going to paraphrase somebody said if you had to describe the the mindset of those very successful entrepreneurs it's not driven it's not motivated it's tortured that they wake up every morning tortured by the problems that they're not fixing and the the opportunities that they have not yet uh uh found and there's a famous ela musk interview i think it was on lex friedman where he was like you think you want to be me the richest man in the world but you don't and he was like it's a storm up here it's a mess up here i think that's true for a lot of people
Paragraph 2:
my friend david center i was a great podcast i love such a good guy he's one of the best guys in the world i've ever met but he said of of all the 350 founders that he's profiled uh only one of them has he actually said i i would want that guy's life it was ed thorp but put that aside of the other 349 i think you read their biography and you can say i'm so glad that they existed by most most of the time they did a lot of good in the world they created products and make us better off and never in a million years what i want is life it seems miserable because most of the time that the simple answer is their financial and career success came the reason they're so successful is because they devoted every waking second of their entire life to this one problem this one endeavor and that came at the expense of their family life of their health of their mental health their physical health and if you get a full view of their
Paragraph 3:
it's easy to look at musk and say oh rich man in the world that would wouldn't that be fun yeah but it came because he's had this life of a singular devotion to well in in his case two or three different companies um and i think if you take that full picture it's less glamorous than it would then it would seem and it's too tempting in life to have envy of someone and say oh well i want their money and i want their career and their relationship or their humor you know you're picking little bits and pieces from their life but it's not how it works you got to take the full package and when you look at the full package of those people who you might envy if you actually take a complete view of their life maybe some of them you would say no that is a great life like ed thorp but i i think for a lot of them if you got the full view
Paragraph 4:
you would look at it and say oh it's actually a lot different than i thought i framed this one way if you look at this is flagr flagrally anecdotal but among the 10 richest men in the world there are accumulative 15 divorces among them so it's very easy particularly for young people to say oh that's like i'm jealous of that person i envy that person i want to be that person but i think for a lot of them if you actually got a full view of their life it's not nearly as good as you would think i think people like Elon Musk people like Mark Zuckerberg they represent these you know incredibly extreme examples that obviously most people can't even including me can't fathom what a day in their life must be like you know met zuc he was on this this podcast and it seems that he really enjoys doing what he's
Paragraph 5:
doing but i think for me and for most people it's just like so far out of the stratosphere of understanding is similar to the amount of wealth that they've acquired it just sort of like what do you even do with all of that and people go well i'd figure it out yeah i'm sure you would but you know it's just it's so astronomically outside the scale of one's normal and of dopamine reward schedules that you it's hard to imagine and what are you gonna do by a by a plane as big as a state you know you know so um but there's a place in between struggling to quote-unquote make it and being at that at that extreme where people hit that sweet spot and i think a lot of your work is really aimed at at least shining light on the possibility of a sweet spot yeah where you're doing something that you find meaningful making sufficient income that your anxiety is buffered um you have meaningful relationships in and out of work and you've essentially built a quote-unquote good life right i mean i think
Paragraph 1:
uh i heard nival say something recently where he said you know you want resources in the along the dimensions i just mentioned a healthy fit body a calm mind and a home full of love yeah i think it's pretty awesome list right there and it's a lot of work though right in with just to you know check off even one of those four boxes a lot of work right i think because money is so tangible of counting it is so easy and so tangible that even if people know that they're gonna put an inordinate amount of effort towards making more money at the expense of their relationships their health their children their friends their family and it comes at the expense because if i were to say you know how do i increase my income by 10 percent that's like i can wrap my head around that i can give you a number of what that would be and how i might be able to do it but if i said how do i get my kids to love me 10 percent more like i i i've no idea how to measure that or how to even pursue it so even if i want that because it's hard it's not tangible it's much easier to ignore and just pursue the thing that you can count which is money
Paragraph 2:
do you have a dog i do golden retriever i was gonna say you want them a lovely 10 percent more get them a puppy but but sounds like you already did that i'm just i'm only half kidding um i would say that you know dogs are not only unconditional love but uh they have the ability to to give on it on a you know daily basis multiple times per day in a way that i mean they give love as as readily as they receive love right it's just it's like this perfect reciprocal loop and they're constantly in the moment they're just living right there this is great cartoon a lot of people have probably seen it it's uh a guy and a dog sitting on a lake and the guy's thought bubble coming out of his head is he's thinking about money he's thinking about work he thinks he's thinking about stocks the dog's thought bubble is a picture of them sitting on the lake they're just they're he's the dog just right in the moment just enjoying what he's doing right there i think that's like that's my jealousy of when of my dog when i look at her 24 hours a day everyone will there's a dog who recognize this
Paragraph 3:
they're just in the moment they just enjoy what they're doing whatever they're doing and everyone including me is either uh worrying about the past or dreaming about the future i love that what's your dog's name if i may lucy the golden retrievers are an amazing breed because they also are universally loving yeah they they love the person that you know they their owner the most uh but they also love people that stop and meet them on the street yes not all dogs are like that the worst guard dogs in the world you can break in your house the golden retrievers come up and wag its tail and like yeah i love it um let's talk about this social comparison thing um i'm trying to make this practical for people that are both partnered and not partnered seems to me that a lot of what i've observed in terms of people who are on the on the conveyor belt work work work work work have a picture in their mind of kind of where that's all going when enough is enough and when they plan to hop off or stay on or how late to stay in large part based on yeah they're upbringing
Paragraph 4:
yeah kind of who they are but also the messages that they're getting from typically the one other person that has the greatest degree of input right like you could create a picture where the spouse in either direction is saying like we need more right that changes the picture completely right um where the spouse just says like i would just like to see you more i don't need any more stuff i just want to see you more we want to see you more these are the sorts of at-home dynamics that i think drive a lot of decisions about career not just what careers to pursue but how long to stay in whether or not you try and make partner in a firm whether or not your social media account needs x number more followers or not i think to me this is as important as the social comparison of of your peers at work or online yeah the messages that we received by the people closest to us about what to be afraid of what the needs are and i don't know that people have really parsed how to you know how to resolve all that but i'm guessing you probably have some thoughts about this
Paragraph 1:
well i think it's it's the balance between it is so difficult because for a lot of people who have families and are working very hard at the core if you said why are you working so hard well to make more money why do you want more money to take care of my family like it's for very good intentions but it's coming at the expense of time with your family and whatnot so a lot of things it's it's not that you're making a terrible decision you're you're doing what you think is right and then if you said well how much is enough to take care of your family by and large it's a game of comparison the way that people lived a hundred years ago at what is a good life a hundred years ago is in completely inadequate life today not even 100 years ago you back to go back to our parents generation and say in the 1950s there is a nostalgia for the 1950s of oh life was so good then and so great and the white picket fence and the dog and the stay at home on that gives it's a good picture but what was the definition of a good life back then uh a good middle-class life was an 800 square foot house with one bathroom for four people and camping for your annual vacation
Paragraph 2:
you would describe a life that most people would say that's inadequate today that's not my definition of a good life today so that is shifting all the time and therefore you're out where you're you're saying like well how much money do you need to be happy the truth is i need more money than than the next family than the next person it's this continuous chain and i think a lot of that is just evolution it's a competition for resources and it doesn't matter how much money you have what matters is that you have more money than the next person that's the that's the sad truth for a lot of this and therefore you can easily imagine a world in which my grandkids are earning on average way more money than we are today and have way better resources better health better technologies and they're no happier for it and they don't feel any more relieved for it they don't feel like they can scale back and work less for it because they're going to be competing with other people
Paragraph 3:
that have all those things john made her canes a great economist very famously predicted a world where people would be working 20 hours a week because technology was going to make it so we didn't need to work and that's not how it works whatsoever we are working less than we did back when everybody was a farmer but not nearly as as as little as we could be if we still had the expectations of a nineteen fifty's family living in eight eight hundred square foot house if we had those expectations people could be working way less but it's all a competition between other people so even if a hundred years from now a middle class family is living in a five thousand square foot house with a spaceship in their backyard if that becomes the norm you don't take you don't appreciate it any of it i mean if you took someone a hundred years ago if you took john rocker feller the richest man in the world a hundred years ago and brought him to today and showed him a middle class family in america he would say what is this thing advil you take a pill that makes your headache go away what do you hear you have sunscreen you just rub this on the face you don't get some hurt he would his jaw would be on the floor but nobody appreciates that today like he would because it's just commonplace you expect your your definition of a good life is i expect to have that so it's always going to be the case that the reason we're working hard is to take care of our family and what we feel like is an adequate amount is a growing level of our time i should also say that that is by and large a great thing the reason society progresses is because most people wake up in the morning feeling a little bit inadequate whatever i have today is not enough and i need to go work harder to get more
Paragraph 1:
that's why we have good technology and economic growth over time so at the macro level it's a great thing that's what pushes society forward and better medical technologies but all better technologies but the individual level it creates this hamster wheel of a constant feeling of inadequacy that we try to compensate for by working harder and working harder even when it comes at the expense of things that should be more dear to us like our friends and family in health and with social media we now have access to millions if not billions of comparison points whereas just 30 years ago even 20 years ago we only had access to local comparison points like the people in your neighborhood drove certain types of cars now online you can see people that you went to high school with that have certain lives and their vacations that are spectacular relative to the ones that you know one typically has
Paragraph 2:
i'd like to talk about this notion of social comparison as as a function of place we can touch on some major cities we were doing this before we started recording it's kind of fun to do like in the Bay Area and Silicon Valley area where i grew up it seems like there's a high there's a high value placed on the people who managed to do things that wick out to the entire world the building of companies or technologies that go everywhere it's not just because of facebook and instagram it's also because of biotech it's because of all sorts of things apple right i mean there's a whole history of that um what would you say for like New York City what like what is the dominant message that's being pumped into the psyche of New Yorkers um and by the way i love New York City but it'd be fun to play this game a little bit as an example and then we'll then wick it out to to people regardless of where they live in the world this is one of those things where what is so good and beneficial for society is what makes individuals miserable so i think what is the message here in los angeles or in New York or or any other big city San Francisco the message is waking up in the morning and feeling inadequate because you are surrounded by people who at least look like they're doing better than you and you say i have to i have to chase that person i have to get what they have that is great for society that's where we get new technologies new innovations and growth the individual level it's very difficult
Paragraph 1:
i grew up out in the woods in like tahoe and in that region if you are a dentist let's say you are on top of the world you are the richest guy in town everybody looked up to you you had the nicest house the nicest car if you are a family dentist here in los angeles you don't stick out whatsoever you might you might feel like you are so far behind because you're surrounded by legitimate billionaires and so i think it's interesting to ask is a dentist happier in like tahoe or here i think it's probably in like tahoe because your comparison group is so much less especially back in the pre-social media days
Paragraph 2:
the states that are statistically the happiest in the united states it's not it's not for cities it's not los angeles it's not new york it tends to be in the midwest where wonderful places whatnot but less competitive than the grind of the big cities and so but that's where you know at the individual where you happiest it's where you have less comparison but for society what is better it's when you have a huge competition for getting ahead so i don't know i don't know where i come down on that of like where i would want to be of course i want to be happy as an individual but i want to live in a society that is moving ahead and the reason it's moving ahead is because most people wake up feeling inadequate you grew up in tahoe yeah um i love like tahoe but can i ask you did you grow up being competitive or thinking about how well people skied or snowboarded yes absolutely it was also i lived in tahoe pre pre-tech money it's very different now because so much bay area tech money just flooded into it it's its own little hamptons now but back in the day it was i felt like when i grew up normal people drove old pickup trucks and rich people drove new pickup trucks that was the difference between rich and poor
Paragraph 3:
both in a city like los angeles in new york and in a social media world especially it's normal people drive honda civics and rich people have private jets like the the stratification between them is is just blown so far out of proportion i see this with my nine-year-old son who like a lot of kids watches mr beast i think is great i think is a awesome awesome guy but it's completely warped my son's sense of money because mr beast will be like oh keep your hand on the table and the last person with their hand wins a million dollars it's like if that's your sense of money it's completely warped and and skewed and so look i it's it's a it's a tough way to live and i think the more of that angst that people have of i'm inadequate i need to get ahead the better society is going to be the more technology we're going to have a great example of this is what decades were the most technologically innovative by far it's not even close it was the 1930s the great depression and the 1940s world war two when society was on fire that's when every business every scientist every entrepreneur woke up every morning and said i need to figure this out right now today immediately during the great depression if you're a business owner it was if i don't figure out a way to become more efficient i'm bankrupt tomorrow so that was the birth of a lot of the assembly lines it was a birth of the grocery store the birth of laundromat every business got more more uh just better at at at what they do and the ones that didn't went out of business immediately world war two was if we don't figure out new technologies uh we're we're gonna lose everything hiller's gonna control the planet so that was nuclear energy radar jets go on down the list of things that we benefit from today happen because of that social angst that we had back then and so i think there's so much evidence that society progresses when things are a little bit on fire not too much on fire because then you just get overwhelmed with it but if you have a little bit of angst of i need to wake up i need to do this
Paragraph 1:
and when societies become fat and happy and decadent or when companies do this companies that just are minting money and there's no pressure on it they have more money than they know what to do with that's the downfall of a lot of companies seers i bm intel bowing who are either not around or our shells or their former selves i think you can tie a lot of that to the success that they had in the past when there was no pressure to innovate and get it and get ahead it was just a culture of we have so much lying around here that we can do anything that we want i had a guy tell me one time who said every business should have a little bit of debt because it keeps you in check keeps your ambitions in line of waking up being like no i i have to succeed this year because we have debt to pay off and when you have too much freedom and a little bit too much autonomy you have a higher chance of just letting it slip away what made you great when you were young and poor and broke and hungry slips away when the wealthier you become tell me what you think of this mental exercise as you're describing this to me i'm thinking about um how at different stages of my career first academic science and i still teach but i'm shut down my animal lab still involved in some human research but mainly focused on the podcast these days um i can look to different things around me that were the the forces pulling on me i like to think in terms of carrot and stick you know those that don't know what that is because we have a lot of listeners from outside the u.s. carrot you know carrot is the thing you're working towards the the enticing thing the reward stick is the is the punishment carrot and stick because frankly that's how the brain works carrot and stick right um
career. And a lot of what we're talking about today is carrot and sticks of different sizes, different types, etc for every stage of my career: graduate student, postdoc, professor before ten year, professor after getting ten years. Kind of interesting concept. People think of his job for life, but it's really academic freedom and you're still on the fundraising treadmill.
Or even as a podcaster, you know, like what the force was inside me and not trying to make this about me. I just can I know that there are different people that I'm trying to satisfy and of course satisfy my own curiosity and intellect but there, there are forces. There's the I'm part of a group, I'm part of a team here. I can't let them down. So it doesn't matter how well I slept last night. I slept happened to sleep pretty well last night, but it doesn't matter. I got to show up right? Got sued up and show up as they say.
Do you think it's worthwhile for people to stop wherever they are in their life arc and just think about like where are these these forces pulling us? The carrots and the sticks because I think therein lies a lot of information. Are you working for an expectation that you need to fulfill because you did it before? I sometimes think about professional athletes. They sometimes have a shorter professional life than in other careers because just physical capabilities give way. But you know, like what drives them?
I often want to know like what pulls them. Like where do they feel obligated? When you know not just you know what what the drive is but where do they feel obligated? Where do they feel like kind of pulled? Is it to the general public? Is that their parents? Is that their bank account? Is it the fear that they're going to have to retire at some point? Do you ever think about this kind of stuff? I think a lot of is tied to your identity of just who do you see in the mirror when you wake up every morning.
And if your identity is I'm a professional athlete for identity is I'm a podcaster, I am a rich person whatever it might be then that's that's what's pulling you. It's that source of identity. So this gets back to the Paul Graham idea of keep your identity small. I think he met it in mainly in the context of politics. Politics can just poison your identity and it really affects your thinking but keeping your identity small for a lot of things I think is a great point of view.
The more you look in the mirror and say I am a blank, doesn't matter what that is I'm a professor, I'm an author whatever it is, it's hard to give that up because part of your identity. I saw this with my own with my own dad who was uh, he was a doctor and he retired and he went back to work a year later because I think at least part of it was when he looked in the mirror he had to say I am a doctor. That was his identity and when he retired he couldn't say that anymore and it drove him crazy. I think it's true for a lot of people. Now that could be great for him it was great and I think for me my identity I think my core identity is I'm a father, I'm a husband, I hope to be a friend but then maybe it's I'm an author and if I had to give that up it might sting a little bit.
It's not maybe the core of my identity but it's right there and I think for a lot of people if you're successful cord of their identity is I'm a person who makes a lot of money, I'm a person who makes x dollars per year and they're unable to give that up and that's that again. I think if we're talking about money that's when money becomes a liability is when it's ingrained in your identity and it's controlling you. You're not using it as a tool it's using you as it's a little marionette doll to control you every day and I I think that's that's when a lot of people go astray with their happiness with money is when it starts controlling them because it's so core to who they see in the mirror every day.
Yeah. That's like that cartoon of the person standing with a little cage in front of their face like they're they're giving out freedom by virtue of some mental construct. I wonder if perhaps even better than Paul's idea of shrinking one's identity to make it operational and make it verb based because it's one thing to say I'm going to not use my professional title of podcaster, professor, author, doctor but if one gets to the verb function that drove the pursuit of things in the first place. I enjoy doing this, I'm a curious person. Yeah. Like you know I have the I seem to mention them all the time and I'm just going to do it because it's my podcast Rick Ruben's a close friend and I feel so lucky for that friendship.
Of course, I love the music he's produced but that's not why I love the friendship. I happen to just really Rick's a great guy, but because he's so verb and action-based it's about almost everything Rick talks about in terms of creativity and productivity is about discarding with titles and concepts of who you were before and just being in the verb state of wherever you happen to be at that point in your career. life and creating offerings and he actually likes to remove the concept of an audience he actually talks about this is your offering to god and the audience may or may not like it but that in his words are the way is the way to frame it because otherwise you end up trying to satisfy people and then you're no longer in the process of of exploring your curiosity or creativity so yeah i've decided at this moment and i'll make it a i'll put it on record that i'm not going to think of myself as a podcaster i mean i did a lot of things i did you know pursue skateboarding pursued tropical fish tanks pursued you know science and and research science teaching which you know in this public education and podcasting i fully expect that in five to ten years i'll be doing something completely different but it'll still be attached to the verb state that drove every single one of those professions yeah wherever every single one of those pursuits because as rick's taught me it's the energy that you need to continue to tap into that is self-rewarding the feelings of delight of friction and then release when you solve a problem it's not really about the profession or the title or even the the resources that come from that but that in fact the greatest resources in particular financial resources coming from identifying the verb state of being in pursuit of something that's truly unique to you and that changes over time i'm always amazed at these examples like the Warren Buffet's and these people have been investing their whole life you pointed this out in your book that one of the the fundamental things about Buffet being so successful is that he's had a lot of time investing in doing business years eleven years ninety three right doesn't seem like he needs another venue it seems like he's got it dialed that's his venue if he were if you were golfer he'd be dolphin at ninety three yeah he's he's doing it because he loves to do it i think i think it's for me as a writer what's always been the case one of this i don't think this might might really apply to your own career i've always written for an audience of one which is myself i just want to write things that i think are interesting i want to write stories that i find appealing i want to write it in a style that i would enjoy reading and i don't i don't care that much about the audience who might read it of course i want them to read it and maybe buy the books and enjoy it but i'm writing for myself and i think you always do your best work when you do that if you're writing or producing a podcast for an audience of one which is you and so i i think if you're doing it otherwise it's performative and and people do much worse work they're much less creative they're much less enjoyable when it's when it's performative when you're start off by asking what does the audience want to appear or see and that never works that but that's what most people do and even what is every writing 101 teacher teaches their students know your audience i don't i don't think it's good it's good advice because know your audience very quickly becomes pander to your audience not just as writers but in any form of work that you do pandering to your boss pandering to your quarterly metrics whatever they might be you're always going to do your best work if you have the independence in the autonomy to have an audience of one which is yourself
brian Chesky of airbnb talks about this he's like don't build a product that a thousand people like build a product that a hundred people love or that one person you love and use it that's when you're going to do always do your best work you're not trying to manage a product or a book or a podcast towards some metric or goal you're doing it because you love doing it much easier said than done for a lot of careers because if you're working for a company you you do have metrics you have to follow you do have formulas and policies you have to follow so it's not that everyone can do this but it's it's unavoidable that you're always going to do your best work when it's yours and you're doing it for yourself not because you're trying to reach some metric i guess the phrase you know be a lifer i used to think that meant if you were a musician stay a musician if you're in finance stay in finance but i think now i'm going to revise that to one wants to be a lifer at tapping into the energy of pursuing things that are really meaningful to them in that moment yeah in that phase of life because it's so different
i mean when i was a kid i was obsessed with fish tanks and tropical birds and then skateboarding punk rock means it and it changed i mean the venue changed but we don't really change as in in terms of identity very much right these professions and the these bank accounts and we don't actually we're not fundamentally changed by them it's really a bunch of verb states that that drive all this and i actually hope that in 20 years i'm doing something different that i'm not writing about the same topic so maybe i maybe i hope i'm still writing and thinking and reading and learning but if you're always doing the same thing i think someone like buffett is an incredibly oddball rare bird who's been doing the same thing for 80 years and loves it like i want to grow and adapt and evolve in in what i'm doing but if something becomes courtier identity then it's hard to release that and let go you feel like you have to keep doing it even when it's not that fun anymore and you're not getting the the dopamine rush of trying something new you're attached to something you keep being a lawyer whatever it might be because that's your identity even when you don't like it anymore
Paragraph 1:
think about michael jordan playing baseball she did for a little while he wanted to play professional baseball yeah so he gave himself the shot i think it's awesome even though it didn't turn out as well as a basketball turned out for him it's just because it just reflected his inherently competitive you know high performance nature i think you're doing something or bizarre so i keep bringing up but you build the biggest most successful company in the world amazon what do you do in your retirement you start a rocket company kind of thing it's like you you like maybe he did i don't know that's an one put words in his mouth maybe he did get a little bit bored with amazon and it was he needed to do something else but he's not going to retire he's not going to play golf he's not going to sit on his boat he's going to build another company i always have to be doing something even if it's growing and adapting
Paragraph 2:
you're working on a new book and i eagerly anticipate the release of that new book when's it coming out september 2025 okay so we got a little while to wait yeah um are you willing to share a few things that you're thinking about or that um you know we might expect to see in that book yeah i think there there are pieces of the book that you and i have talked about today uh the book is called the art of spending money and i make a point of the book is not called the science of spending money because spending money is not a science it's not something where you can say here's the formula works for everybody it's an art and what is an art it is different for everybody it's subjective it's often contradictory and that's i think that's what appropriate way to spend money should be so at no point in the book do i say here's how you should spend your money because i don't think anybody can accurately do that for a broad audience it's a look at the psychology of envy of keeping up with the jones's of social aspiration of identity that we've been talking about managing money and kids of being jealous of other people have wanted to get attention for yourself it's a look at the psychology of that without offering any firm concrete advice which i would say a lot of people don't like that a lot of people are like well just tell me what to do but i'm i try to make a point in the beginning same with my first book psychology of money of i can't tell you what to do because i don't know you and what's what's right for you is going to be maybe not right for me you have to figure it out for yourself but i can tell you what's probably going through your head as you're going on that journey i can tell you about what the psychological pitfalls and challenges and advice of that is that is psychological it's not what you should do but here's how most people and why most people fall for envy and why if you understand the mechanics of envy how silly it can be that's that's what the book dives into
Paragraph 1:
yeah in a lot of ways what sounds like you're describing is um kind of identifying the sources of self-seduction yeah where we we by virtue of social media or just by virtue of being human we compare what we have to see if it really is what it is uh you would think that we would be pretty good as a species at just experiencing things kind of like the dog sitting next to the lake given that we can understand that we have this propensity to you know compare and um to regret things of past but not be able to anticipate future regret you'd think we would be we would be better at that but clearly we're not well this i guess this gets back to basic evolution evolution doesn't care if you're happy it cares that you reproduce and you grow over time that's that's what it's maximizing for doesn't really care whether you have a good time during the process make more of yourself and take care of the young and then you're dispensable keep going Louisiana case says more of me that's that's what we're trying to do and and and whether you're happy or not doesn't doesn't really play into the situation and actually might reward the person who is gaining a ton of resources even if they're miserable in the process who's making a ton of money in the process even if they wake up miserable every morning they're getting a lot of resources that might increase their their fitness over time happiness doesn't play much of a role
Paragraph 1:
do you think birth rates are going down because um people feel that they have to use more of what they earn for themselves or that it's harder to establish a relationship to money and resources that makes them feel capable of taking care of others i think it's it's so complex it doesn't lead to simple answers but i think there is a lot of evidence that what happens why societies all over the world this has always been the case have fewer kids when they become wealthier is because their expectations for those kids go up so if you're living in a in a poor society poor economy or during a poor era you could have 10 kids because you knew all 10 of those kids or at least the ones who survived we're going to become farmers that's what they were going to do and uh that was that was their only hope that was all they could do and you didn't need to provide a lot of resources for them if i give them basic food and shelter and clothes that's all they need to become a farmer and i think if you fast forward to today's economy the expectations are so much so much higher you want your kid to become a phd to become an astronaut become a hedge fund whatever it might be and there because of that you need to provide so much more resources for that kid i need to foster their growth and development from the time that they are infants and provide them tutors and after school activity is and maybe send them to private school and definitely send them to a college which is going to cost a fortune because the expectations for what you need to provide are so much higher you feel like you can only provide that to maybe one maybe two kids which would have been a couple generations ago three or four kids and a couple generations before that 10 kids there's also a very grim statistic about it used to be why do people used to have 10 kids because six of them died before they were five and so if you needed those hands on the farm you needed to have a lot of kids make sure you had a lot of teenagers who could help you one day and so i think we're blessed to now live in a world where thankfully the infant mortality rate has collapsed so much that we don't need to play that lottery game that we used to what are you teaching your kids about money and at what age should we start to do that and for those listening who don't have kids i suppose it's never too late to learn
i think one of the points i always make, that i've learned the hard way parenting, is that i don't think you need to sit your kids down and teach them about money because they're paying attention. whether you know it or not, kids are so incredibly good at learning. they're better at learning than adults are, particularly for things like language. but you don't need to sit your kids down and say "this is how much we spend" and "this is what we value" and "this is why". i say they're paying attention, they're figuring it out. every time they hear you say "i can't afford this", every time we're at the store and they say "oh look, this is on sale, let's get two of these", they're making a mental note of everything. every time they hear you bicker about work, every time they hear you talk about a raise, even if it's just in the next room, they're piecing it all together.
And i don't think they even know it, but they're so good at learning that they're building a mental model. and so, even if you never sit your kids down and teach them, by the time they're teenagers, they know a lot about money. and maybe some of those things are good moves, and some are bad, but they're paying attention. and so, i think the only thing you can do as a kid, or as a parent, I should say, is to lead by example. because we talked about this earlier, the propensity to rebel as a kid, as a teenager. you talked about the smoking ads where they just wanted to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. i think particularly for teenagers, which i don't have yet, but if you sit them down and say "this is what you should do, you should always do this, you should never do that", their propensity to rebel is enormous.
so i think it can backfire if you try to teach them. i think the best you can do, the only thing you can do, is lead by example. with people, one thing that a lot of not just very wealthy people, but moderately wealthy people, will say is, or ask is, "how do I teach my kids about money without spoiling?" and "how do I use my money to help my kids without spoiling them?" that's a big topic for a lot of people, even if you're like a middle class family. how do i, you know, leave a small inheritance, or help my kids? should i buy them a new car, or should i help them through college? i think a big thing that is easy to overlook these two things. you might think, as a parent, that you are teaching your kid grit and independence by withholding resources from them.
and you're doing it with very well intentioned "you need to earn your money, and this is mine, you gotta go figure out your own." i think it is very easy to overlook that you are not teaching your kid independence and grit. you're teaching them to resent you. and i have a good friend, chris davis, who told the story. you know, he's an extreme example. chris davis' grandfather is shelby davis, who is a billionaire investor, one of the greatest investors of all time. and chris tells a story that when he was a kid, and his grandfather took him skiing, his grandfather would say "if you want me to buy you a lift ticket, you need to hike up the hill first and ski down. hike to the top, and if you do that, then I'll buy you a lift ticket." and chris said the lesson that they learned from that was not grit, and independence, and hard work. the lesson they learned from it was "grandpa's kind of a jerk sometimes." and it's, i think that's an extreme example, but you see that a lot with kids. one like very practical takeaway from this is that, i think as a parent, you have to live the same lifestyle as your kids. it's very difficult to say "mom and dad fly first class, but you're back in coach." does anyone actually do that? oh, absolutely. maybe that's still a very extreme example, but what you think as a parent, that the kid is learning, is "oh, if i work as hard as mom and dad, one day i'll be sitting up there", and they don't. the lesson they learn is "mom and dad think they are superior to us," or "mom and dad are superior to me" i'm inferior to them i think this is why you see a lot of very wealthy kids who are just psychologically broken because i think and you have well-meaning parents who are like look we're very wealthy but you're not you got to earn your way and all the kid hears throughout their life is i'm inferior i'm inferior i'm inferior i'm inferior and by the time they become adults that's it's so ingrained into who they are that they can't take a step forward they can't advocate for themselves and so look that's that's what the very wealthy deal with but i think that's that's what i think a lot about with kids
the other thing that every parent with more than one kid will understand and recognize this my two kids are could not be more different their personalities their goals uh even with the same parents living under the same roof they are roof they're a million miles apart and so had if you say had like what what are you teaching your kids like i i don't know who they're going to be when they grow up i don't know what their goals or their aspirations are going to be so is it right for me to tell my daughter like oh here's how you can save and become super wealthy over time what if she doesn't want to live that life what if she does have more of a yolo personality of like oh i just want to go travel the world i don't i have no aspirations to become super wealthy and retire early uh so you have to let them them figure it out for themselves and realize that what might be right for you and what may have been right for the era in which you and i grew up in might not be right for them it might not fit the era that they were open i like this saying um none of us know what it's like to be you know picking age 13 years old in 2024 we think we do because we were 13 years old at one point your earlier descriptions of depriving kids of the first class ticket um putting them in coach and and the parents flying in first class it makes me realize that we like to think that those sorts of things will drive integration of the lesson but each one of your examples pointed to the fact that kids are integrating based on the emotion they experience at the time they're not thinking about the larger lesson they're thinking about they're in there in their moment they're thinking i'm hiking up this hill and this sucks and they're not piecing together things over time like okay i'm doing this and he's trying to teach me a lesson right there it's really uh they're very attached to their immediate feelings right and maybe it would be different in chris davis's example if the grandpa hiked up the hill with them because then the lesson you're taking is like oh we're going to do this together and and that is teaching the value of hard work i'm going to do it with you i'm going to suffer with you so leading by example rather than by humiliation i think is the way to do it with kids
when i was a kid um my dad used to walk me to this point along our street where then he would split off to go to work he was a scientist he would go to his laboratory and i'd go off to to kindergarten in first grade and i remember one day asking him what he did for a living and uh he's a physicist and uh and he said well i'm a physicist and i said what's that and he explained a little bit about what it was and i'll never forget we still talk about this he and i i'll never forget um i said do you like it and he said will you know that feeling the night before your birthday? said yeah and he said i feel like that every day and then i think he also said and i'm still a little bit murky on this one i need to touch base with him about this sometime again soon because he said yeah you don't always get presents it doesn't always work out but the feeling that you might or that you're likely going to or there's a possibility that just feels so good and i think i must have internalized that lesson because what i like is work yeah i don't think i'm addicted to work although some in my life have accused me of that um then i'm willing to be open to that possibility but it wasn't even really about discovery it was about the possibility of discovery and so i i think in terms of teaching to kids and teaching to peers and you know teaching among humans getting people in to think about the verb states that really motivate them from the best place seems to be the kind of general theme throughout today's discussion and in your book somewhat
i'm not trying to summarize it to to find a point here but if i may it seems like and what Rick Rubin has said about you know him he has this like just supernatural track record at bringing out the best creative elements in people from different genres of music it seems to be about tapping into these verb states of like what is the thing that brings out your best as opposed to thinking about the rewards that come from that but it's hard right we we see those numbers we see those the followers the dollars etc we see the metrics of comparison it's tough it's it's it's there's a work to this that is not obvious i think it'll always be like that we're never going to live in a world where people don't compare themselves to others we're never going to live in a world where people don't feel inadequate to others who have more than them but back to kids i think this is a great place to place this together if you ask most parents what do you want for your kids most parents will say i just wanted to be happy i just hope i'd hope i hope they're happy one day and then if you said well do you hope that your children are rich and successful parents might say like yeah but mainly just happy like i just wanted to be happy regardless of what they're doing if they're at a kindergarten teacher i want to be happy and i think um the parents themselves say that because they haven't done that themselves because the parents themselves have chased money over happiness and they see the downside of it and i that's that's very common and that's why they say i i hope my kid does this because i haven't done a good job of that myself because the temptation is to do that is to pursue something that's not going to make you is going to make you richer but not necessarily happier
Now that's not an argument against money or working hard which I want to do. I want to work hard and make money and have more money of course. But I think there's such a stark difference between using money as a tool to make yourself happier versus as a yardstick to compare yourself against others by. And so much in the modern world is the latter. We're not using money to make ourselves happier or freer or more independent or to sleep better or to spend more time with the people we enjoy. We use money to measure ourselves against other people. It's just "do I have more than you? Is my car faster than yours? Is my house bigger than yours?" And all of that is completely separated from what we actually want for our kids and ultimately for ourselves, which is, can I use this to become happier and live a better life? What a wild concept, but it seems just spot on. So we need to think about money a little differently, or a lot differently, if we are to get the most satisfaction from our work and from the resources it requires.
A lot of looking in the mirror and just saying, like, who am I and what do I want? I think that's the biggest thing, particularly when we started this conversation by saying everybody's different, what's right for me is not right for you inherent in that is that you have to understand yourself, and a lot of people, a lot of financial damage is done when people have a financial plan that is right for another person but it's wrong for them. And that's dangerous because it's the right financial plan maybe for a lot of other people so it makes sense, it's rational, it makes sense on paper, on the spreadsheet looks good but it doesn't fit your personality that's when a lot of damage is done. So I think to do better with money, you need to spend a lot of time thinking about who you are and your family and your goals and your aspirations realizing that all those things will change and adapt over time. So what was right for you ten years ago might not be right today.
You know in a way that might seem selfish like tuning out the rest of the world and tuning out other people and co-workers and neighbors and whatnot and being just saying how can I use this as a tool to become happier, to live a little better life? Like what's the purpose of money if it's not that? I love it well more and thank you so much for doing the work that you do. It's an incredibly unique perspective on this thing that we all have to deal with, grapple with, and hopefully can develop a symbiotic relationship with money. And it's clear from talking to you today and also from reading your book that you know that there's a strong central chord of benevolence in all of this. I don't know if that was your intent, it seems to just come through and who you are but when I read your book and as we talk today it's just so clear like that you want the best for people.
So I think that's an important thing to highlight because there are a lot of people out there telling people how to make money, what to do or not to do with their money but you're telling us how to live more meaningful lives which is something just in order of magnitude more important so for that and the work that you've done and that you're doing I'm eagerly anticipating your book next September. And for coming here today to educate us thank you ever so much. This has been so much fun. Thank you Edger, thank you for joining me for today's discussion with Morgan Housel. To learn more about Morgan's work and to find links to his two superb books, The Psychology of Money and Same as Ever, please see the links in the show note captions
If you're learning from or enjoying this podcast, please subscribe to our YouTube channel. That's a terrific zero-cost way to support us. In addition, please follow the podcast on both Spotify and Apple. And on both Spotify and Apple, you can leave us up to a five-star review. Please check out the sponsors mentioned at the beginning and throughout today's episode. That's the best way to support this podcast.
If you have questions or comments about the podcast or guests or topics that you'd like me to consider for the Hubremen Lab podcast please put those in the comment section on YouTube. I do read all the comments. For those of you that haven't heard, I have a new book coming out. It's my very first book. It's entitled "Protocols and Operating Manual for the Human Body". This is a book that I've been working on for more than five years and that's based on more than 30 years of research and experience and it covers protocols for everything from sleep to exercise to stress control protocols related to focus and motivation and of course I provide the scientific substantiation for the protocols that are included.
The book is now available by presale at protocolsbook.com. There you can find links to various vendors you can pick the one that you like best. Again, the book is called "Protocols and Operating Manual for the Human Body". If you're not already following me on social media I am Hubremen. lab on all social media platforms so that's instagram x formerly known as twitter threads facebook and linkedin and on all those platforms i discuss science and science related tools some of which overlaps with the content of the hubremen lab podcast but much of which is distinct from the content on the hubremen lab podcast again that's hubremen lab on all social media platforms.
If you haven't already subscribed to our neural network newsletter our neural network newsletter is a zero-cost monthly newsletter that includes podcast summaries as well as protocols in the form of brief one to three page pdfs those one to three page pdfs cover things like deliberate heat exposure deliberate cold exposure we have a foundational fitness protocol we also have protocols for optimizing your sleep dopamine and much more again all available completely zero cost simply go to hubremen lab dot com go to the menu tab scroll down to newsletter and provide your email we do not share your email with anybody.