Before we get to the show, we have some exciting news to share about a chance to experience post-reports live. On April 13, our host, Martin Powers, will be live in conversation with bestselling author Curtis Siddenfeld.
She's the author of books you might know, like eligible, prep, and American wife. Her latest novel is Romantic Comedy. It tells the story of a late-night comedy writer's search for love. This has this tremendous talent for bringing complex women to life on the page.
It is on full display in this new book, and Martin has been all about it. The conversation will be live on April 13th at 7pm in Washington, DC at 6th and I in partnership with Politics and Pros. The event will also be live streamed, so there's still an option if you can't make it to DC. You can purchase tickets at 6th and I dot org. We hope to see you there.
这本新书充分展示了它,而马丁一直关注它。我们的讨论将于4月13日晚上7点在华盛顿特区6th和I举行,并与政治和专家合作。活动也将实时直播,如果您无法前往华盛顿特区,仍有选择。您可以在6th and I dot org购买门票。我们希望在那里见到你。
When I think of Ahmed, for me, it's the name that I was called with so many times and so many occasions with so many memories. Ahmed Ibrahim is a mechanical engineer based in New York. He's a really sweet guy. He's chatty and he's open to talking about himself.
He, like so many other people, has this strong emotional tie to his given name. It's my mom calling my name to share with me good news or my dad yelling at me and he's using the Ahmed, like that's usually what got me off bed, like Ahmed.
He's also struggled with this name because, well, he shares a name with one of the hijackers on 9-11. I literally had pseudo control over that name and that's why I get mad at people judging me, but I understand the amount of weight that is attached to such a name.
He says being named Ahmed has affected everything from his job searches to his chances of landing a date. Something felt funny about certain people that would just like dissipate or, you know, I would be like, this person is a great match. How come I didn't match that person?
Ahmed is one of thousands of people who reached out to Washington Post journalist Mary and John Ming-Lio after she wrote a story about how growing up, she felt the need to anglicize her name to fit in. But in the past few years, as she reported on the rise of racist attacks against Asians and Asian Americans, something changed.
I felt that I was being there for my community in covering all these things and giving them a voice, but I wasn't giving myself a voice and I was hiding. I was also ashamed and scared of bearing my full self and after witnessing a racist incident and running away, my husband stopped me and said, we need to stand up and be proud of who we are. And I decided to say no more and include my Chinese name in my byline. So Mary and John Ming-Lio.
The US continues to grow racially and ethnically diverse and you can see that shift unfold in our names. Still, culture wars persist in some ways, pitting Americans against each other, forcing us to consider what makes us American and to wonder what makes a name American at all.
From the newsroom of the Washington Post, this is Post Reports. This Friday, March 17th, I'm Chris Velasco, your guest host. Two years ago this week, a 21-year-old gunman in Atlanta massacred eight people in three separate spas. Six of those victims were women of Asian descent.
It prompted a wave of reporting about racist attacks and violence and for Mary and it began a deeply introspective churning. Today, Mary and talks with my colleague, Alahe Izadi, about what she discovered on her name journey. And what other people from around the country, like Ahmed, have shared with her along the way.
So Mary and what has your experience been like since you've decided to use this name in your work? In that story, I included a call out to readers who felt that same need to hide, to anglicize their names to fit in and the response from that was overwhelming.
How so? I've gotten people emailing, tweeting at me, even stopping me on the street saying thank you for giving them bravery to share and bear their full selves. There was even a movement in New York among some girls and they went on social media with signs showing their names. And it was like over a thousand people just wanting to talk about their name journey and feeling the same as being, being scared before but now, you know, being brave to show who they are.
Ironically, even when my story came out and I was being interviewed by different media about the piece, they didn't even ask me out of pronounciate and they would also butcher it. So it's names are tough but they also represent your full selves, your whole identity.
So wait, just so I'm clear, you go to do interviews and it's a story about your name and you've had the experience people don't even ask you to pronounce it. I mean, I think that's actually pretty interesting that you had this mixed response and experience because I think that sort of captures what it is like walking around in this country with a name that a lot of people here are unfamiliar with, find it difficult to pronounce.
I have to say your story really did resonate with me. My name is Ella Haye, that is my given name. I didn't always go by that though and it's a decision I made years ago.
Can you tell me the story about your name? Well, so my name is Ella Haye, which means goddess, which is kind of intense. I actually growing up thought it meant angel but I wonder if that's because my parents didn't want it to get to my head. But yeah, it's also I'm Iranian so it's an Iranian name.
But anyway, it is a name that has a lot of meaning for me. It was a name that really came out of my father because there's this song that he loved when my mother was pregnant with me and it's Ella Haye knows. So I was named after this song and he would always sing it growing up. And so that's a name that carries a lot of emotional resonance for me.
But growing up, my parents basically gave me a nickname, a shortened version of Ella Haye because they figured, oh, you know we're in America, people can't pronounce this name. So we want to make your life easier. And it wasn't until college when I took a class in Persian Studies class where I was in a classroom setting where there was a professor who said my real name and could say it correctly. And it was like the first time I was in a setting like that where I heard that you know it was always growing up like when the teacher calls role and they start pausing and like, oh, that's me.
So that was like such a big moment for me and I decided then in my personal and professional life, I'm going to go by my real name and this is really who I am. Like you know, it's also been a mixed experience but I'm largely glad I did this and Maryann, I do wonder how common this experience is in the United States. How many other people have stories like this given the broader demographic changes in this country?
That's a really beautiful story. And one that is similar to the readers I interviewed, one that I talked to a 17 year old Natalie was named after Natalie Portman because her parents, immigrants from Vietnam were worried that they would go through what the dad did, the racism and the discrimination. So they gave her a white name and they said that she should feel lucky for that.
And actually a recent study by Stephen Wu of Hamilton College and Chica of Vassar College found that the harder a name is to announce the tougher it can be for someone to find a job that this name can signal your race or ethnicity and reveal potential subconscious bias. So definitely how your name is, how it's spelled, how it's pronounced, can signal a lot.
Right. It's not enough that we have to fit in like how we look but how we present when we introduce ourselves and even on paper. Maryann, a lot of people as you said reached out to you for this story and you also spoke with someone who had sort of a reverse experience where he decided to go by an anglicized name, right.
Can you tell me about him? So Akban was born in Egypt and immigrated to the US at 19. He's now 33 and he literally A.B. tested his name. My name is Ahmad, Ahmad Rahim and I go by Aiden. The reason why I go by Aiden is an amalgamation of a joke that started with a joke to actually a really, really, really deep and sad reason. And so what was the joke and the sad reason?
Akman was on dating apps and he wasn't getting matches and he tried something else. So his roommate that he changed to something more quote, American, he'll get more matches. And I changed from Ahmad to Aiden, I just, my roommate at the time, do you really bet that it's the name? You know, actually he's the one who said, well, who wants to swipe right on a terrorist, right? Like Ahmad Rahim. So he's air like me so he gets to make a joke like this.
So I went and I changed my name. Everything stayed the same, the pictures. So I went to sleep that day and I was like, okay, I'm going to change it. We'll see what it is. I woke up the next day and my matches just, it was dopamine overload and I was like, holy cow, I have so many notifications and I opened it and lo and behold, my matches are just out of control.
So so wow, like here he's saying when he was Ahmad, he wasn't getting very many matches but he got way more as Aiden and it was just so such a stark contrast. I'm wondering what other changes did he notice when he started to go by Aiden? Even when he was trying to drive on Uber, people were canceling on him to the point where when he tried something else, more American, it totally reversed and instead of being canceled, then passenger gave him free burning man tickets as a driver someone offered him burning man tickets.
哇,听起来挺有趣的。他说当他叫阿迈德的时候,没有得到很多匹配,但是当他改用艾登的名字时,匹配数量增加了很多,两者之间的对比非常明显。我在想,他还注意到了其他哪些变化呢?即使他试图在优步上开车,人们也一直在取消订单,直到他换了一些更符合美国文化的东西,情况完全逆转了,乘客不再取消订单,反而给了他免费的 Burning Man 车票,这个人还提供给他一些 Burning Man 车票,看来他在司机行业也芝加哥了一些成功哦。
And everything else was easier and even though he loves his name, he just goes by Aiden, even down to his email. It's not about pronouncing his name right, it's the connotations it has because one of the hijackers from 9-11 shares the same name. The fact that I was born and haven't chosen that name, I literally had zero control over that name. And that's why I get mad and people judge me but I understand the amount of weight that is attached to such a name and all of that..
And I want the people to look at me and consider me someone called Ahmad, wow, that's different but consider me a blank page, don't put predeterminations on me. That is what I really would love. And sadly, when I used Aiden, it gave me that. Marianne just hearing him, it's his story, it's so many other people's stories where they didn't choose their names but they also didn't choose the like broader circumstances that they were born into and just the sort of like prejudice that can go along with having certain names and having to walk through the world with those names.
But I'm also like thinking about this idea of going by a nickname or an anglicized name and I'm thinking about how for generations, immigrants have come to this country and change their names or their names were changed for them. Maybe in more recent years they would go by and people go by these other names because it's like a matter of convenience when you're moving to a new country, maybe you don't know the language and you just need to make it in this country. So the name thing might just not be on your top list of priorities and I'm wondering if some of these conversations that you've been having if they're like with a younger generation who maybe were born here or are you know of a different era and in some ways it's like maybe even a privilege that they have the opportunity to go by their real names and insist on doing so. I'm wondering have you seen that in your reporting?
Yeah, I talked to a lot of genealogists and they mentioned a pattern, a trend that when immigrants first come to this country they might be fleeing or leaving something horrible or traumatic or coming here for better opportunities and they want to forget the past, they don't want anything to do, they want to cut ties. Why would they want anything, they want to make their lives easier, also they might put their heads down and just want to succeed. And then the later generations kind of miss and kind of want to know what happened before.
Even this one genealogist was saying her grandmother was like why do I want to remember all that? There was a reason why I left that. So that follows their name journey too. One person I talked to, his name is Jaime, he's named after his father who's also Jaime goes by Jim just because it's easier for business and did not think of it as reclaiming let it go or anything just easier.
Marian I know that you talked to a lot of young people for your reporting. Can you tell me more about the stories they shared with you? So there is this 117 year old, a senior in high school out of Irvine, California, Sumena and her parents put a lot of thought into her name. But she said little did they know they would give her a lifetime of never fitting in.
My name is Sumena and Yana Shenmuegan. The story behind my name is that my parents use numerology which is sort of like you go to an Indian like astrologist slash numerologist and then you like find the specific time that you're born, they align it with a certain star and then based off of that they like designate like what type of sound your name should include or like should start with. So like for me the priest said Sue so they had to find a name that started with Sue. So then for me they decided between many names but they ended up choosing Sumena.
I mean that's really beautiful because you know some people they like are like panicking. Oh we need to pick a name just like how can we pick a name and hear her parents put so much thought into this name and you know and now have bestowed it upon her. So what has her experience been like with this name? It's been really tough. She's been called all sorts of things and to an extent she lets it happen just to get through the day.
So I get Sumena, Sumona, Sumona, Sumona. Like with the range of like so many people at my school and how many interactions I have daily like I don't know I go to an academically competitive school like these kids are writing AP literature essays, deconstructing like big pieces of literature and we know your smart we know you're capable but like it's literally just the fact that you don't want to put the effort.
And also I'm a senior and I'm about to graduate so I just feel like it would be a waste of time to just correct everyone and make it a thing to like teach them properly because I feel like half the people will hear it and then they still won't get it but they'll think that they're saying you're right right because I taught them so I don't know I just thought it was sort of futile to just make that effort.. I could focus on other things instead.
I okay I really relate to this because you know my name is one that when people look at it they just I think their brains there's a short while like they go goes a little like haywire which I totally like have empathy for but at the same time when you do have a name like what we're hearing her describe what it means is you have to spend a lot of time out of your day correcting people bringing it up and that's like real like emotional labor and just like actual time that you're spending and I get why she is feeling like you know what I just have better things I can do with my time I don't even want to bother with it but I've also you know I've had the experience where when people find out that I've been letting them say my name incorrectly they get mad at me too so I don't know if she has that experience but it's just kind of like this thing of okay what battle do I want to pick today is this really worth it for me if I want to like claim this name that I think so beautiful and meaningful for me the real world implication of that is I will be spending a lot of time correcting people or just people asking me all sorts of questions like where you from where were you born and I'm like are you trying to get answers to my credit card security question so she actually uses her name is kind of a litmus test like do you really care are you really my friend if they actually care about me in a way like the true friends I have in my life right now like at least one point in the time that we were friends they've asked me how do you pronounce your name are like how do your parents say it because I know you say that you're fine with everything but I feel like you aren't so I want you to teach me I really respect people in my life who take the time to do that it's almost like a way of showing courtesy and respect and care right.
Yeah I think Summoner and other people said though your name is like your cocoon it's your son is your north star it's your identity and when people can't even say your name at the very least they're disrespecting you of who you are you're very core Mary and I'm wondering if you can tell me a little bit more about your take away after hearing back from so many people who wanted to share their experiences with their names from people who wanted to reclaim their name the way that you did to people who had very valid reasons as to why they went by and decided to go by anglicized names has that changed your perspective on this issue of like a name journey.
I think it's definitely a journey and not a destination it's something you get used to it's almost like your name is like that pair of jeans that you have to wear in and you have to feel comfortable it's like an analogy for getting comfortable in your skin and not everybody will do that right away it's hard to find a perfect pair of jeans and I was surprised that we're not as far as I thought we would be that there is not acceptance and yet we've come farther than say my mom's generation where her name is Juan in W8N I N and her professor in grass school was like you're a Wanda now and she just took it she just took it without questioning but I think younger generations and even newer immigrants are now not taking it like Sumata didn't change her name she's you know still goes by her name and that's her name so they're not changing it to fit in they're defending it I think that it's the acceptance that still has a little bit more to go yeah and just hearing your reporting it does make me think that there are so many people who are walking that journey and wanting to reclaim their names or are having these experiences but that you know maybe the idea of an American name will change do you think that's true do you think that in however many years like the idea that these names would be just as American as like Jim and Sue that these names are just as American as those exactly.
I mean, if people are naming their kids Daenerys from Game of Thrones and people can pronounce that, then of course names will change and they'll have to because demographics are changing. America is changing. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Thank you so much to Marion Jiaming Leo, who writes for "About Us," a newsletter at the Post that covers race and identity. She spoke to my colleague Alahe Zadi. If you have a name story that you want to share, Marion would love to hear from you.
Help our reporting on how names contribute to our identities by calling 202-334-7060.
请拨打电话202-334-7060帮助我们报道名字如何对我们的身份做出贡献。
That's it for Post Reports. Thanks for listening.
这就是本期的报道内容,谢谢你的收听。
Today's show was produced by Christina Toshiko Quinn. It was edited by Arena Flores and mixed by Sam Bear. Our team includes Maggie Pennman, Arena Flores, Ted Maldon, Martin Powers, Alahe Zadi, Lucy Perkins, Eliza Dennis, Alana Gordon, Ariel Plotnik, Arjun Singh, Jordan Marie Smith, Renys Frenovsky, Sabi Robinson, Emma Talkov, Sean Carter, and Renita Jablonsky.