17位兄弟姐妹，仍在不断增加
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本文探讨了捐赠受孕（donor conception）复杂且不断演变的图景，从一位家长的个人叙事展开到更广泛的伦理、监管和家庭层面的考量。
故事始于哈里特·肖克罗斯（Harriet Shawcross），她和她的妻子通过丹麦一家精子库的精子捐赠者受孕生子。她描述了从婴儿照片和泛泛的特征中选择捐赠者的超现实经历，感觉就像是“在购物选孩子”。尽管最初计划让孩子在18岁时寻找他们的捐赠者，但哈里特的看法在接触到一些在线论坛后发生了转变，论坛中的供体受孕者强烈主张“血缘关系确实很重要”，并且隐瞒遗传血统是有害的。
这种个人困境引出了亚历克斯（Alex）的故事，他是一位上世纪90年代初的捐赠者，每次匿名捐赠可获得7英镑。几十年后，在疫情期间，亚历克斯意外地被一位名叫芙蕾雅（Freya）的年轻女性联系上，她通过一家商业DNA检测网站找到了他。芙蕾雅一直都知道自己是供体受孕者，并没有主动寻找她的生父，但与亚历克斯的联系被证明意义深远。她形容他不是父亲，而是“叔叔”，这凸显了由此产生的微妙关系。这次会面也解答了芙蕾雅养母长久以来的一个疑问，她一直好奇捐赠者的长相。
本文随后与学者兼前社会工作者玛丽莲·克劳肖（Marilyn Crawshaw）一起深入探讨了历史背景，她曾倡导终止捐赠者匿名制度。她将这与收养制度进行了类比，在收养制度中，早期普遍的保密做法后来被以儿童为中心、强调开放性的方法所取代。克劳肖强调，生育界最初优先考虑的是“成年人的梦想”和捐赠者供应，而非孩子的身份认同权。2005年英国的监管变革赋予了供体受孕者在18岁时知晓捐赠者身份的权利，但该系统仍然面临着延误和不遵守规定的困境。
“捐赠者兄弟姐妹”或“同源群体”（pods）的问题使复杂性进一步加剧。例如，芙蕾雅得知她至少有15个同父异母的兄弟姐妹，其中一些是通过HFEA（英国监管机构）找到的，另一些则通过DNA检测发现。这常常导致个人意外地发现自己是供体受孕者的情况。哈里特本人亲身经历了这一点，她通过一个在线论坛发现，自己的捐赠者因携带导致听力损失的基因而被暂停捐赠，并且用他的精子受孕的孩子已经患有该疾病。这一发现，以及她找到了一个使用同一捐赠者的全球家长网络（其中一些孩子与她自己的孩子长得惊人地相似），将理论上的担忧清晰地呈现在眼前。
本文也探讨了潜在的解决方案。律师丹妮尔·温斯顿（Danielle Winston）联合创立了“Seed Scout”，这是一家将意向父母与“已知捐赠者”联系起来的机构。这种模式强调事先就开放性达成协议、限制家庭创建的数量，以及在孩子16岁前强制披露（捐赠者信息），确保从一开始关系就明确。尽管符合伦理，但这项服务价格昂贵，凸显了进步做法可能在经济上难以普及。其他模式，例如新西兰的模式，强制要求胚胎捐赠者和受赠者会面，更接近于一种类似收养的框架。
最终，本文认为，当前的法规未能跟上DNA检测等技术进步以及不断演变的社会家庭观念。生育产业作为一项商业活动，常常优先考虑供应，导致孩子对身份认同和联系的需求被忽视。文中总结道，家庭本质上是“有弹性的”，尽管法规适应缓慢，但父母有责任从一开始就采取开放和透明的态度，以应对这一错综复杂的新现实。
The provided transcript explores the complex and evolving landscape of donor conception, moving from the personal narrative of a parent to broader ethical, regulatory, and familial considerations.
The story begins with Harriet Shawcross, a parent who, with her wife, conceived their children using a sperm donor from a Danish bank. She describes the surreal experience of choosing a donor from baby photos and generic traits, feeling like "shopping for children." Despite initial plans for children to seek their donor at 18, Harriet's perspective shifted after encountering online forums where donor-conceived individuals passionately argued that "biology really mattered" and that withholding genetic origins was harmful.
This personal dilemma leads to the story of Alex, a donor from the early 1990s who donated anonymously for £7 a time. Decades later, during the pandemic, Alex was unexpectedly contacted by a young woman named Freya, who had found him through a commercial DNA testing site. Freya, always aware she was donor-conceived, hadn't actively sought her biological father, but the connection with Alex proved profoundly significant. She described him not as a father, but as an "uncle," highlighting the nuanced relationships that emerge. This meeting also answered a long-held question for Freya's adoptive mother, who had always wondered about the donor's appearance.
The podcast then delves into the historical context with Marilyn Crawshaw, an academic and former social worker who campaigned for an end to donor anonymity. Drawing parallels with adoption, where early secrecy was later replaced by a child-centric approach emphasizing openness, Crawshaw highlighted how the fertility world initially prioritized the "adults' dream" and donor supply over the child's right to identity. Regulatory changes in the UK in 2005 granted donor-conceived individuals the right to know their donor's identity at 18, but the system still struggles with delays and non-compliance.
The complexities deepen with the issue of "donor siblings" or "pods." Freya, for instance, learned she had at least 15 half-siblings, finding some through the HFEA (UK regulator) and others via DNA testing. This often leads to situations where individuals discover they are donor-conceived unexpectedly. Harriet herself experienced this firsthand when she discovered through an online forum that her own donor had been blocked for carrying a gene causing hearing loss, and that a child conceived with his sperm had been born with the condition. This revelation, along with finding a global network of other parents who used the same donor (some children looking uncannily like her own), brought the theoretical concerns into sharp focus.
The episode also explores potential solutions. Danielle Winston, a lawyer, co-founded "Seed Scout," an agency connecting intended parents with "known donors." This model emphasizes upfront agreements for openness, limited family creation, and mandatory disclosure to children by age 16, ensuring that relationships are clear from the outset. While ethical, this service is expensive, highlighting how progressive practices can be financially inaccessible. Other models, like New Zealand's, mandate meetings between embryo donors and recipients, moving closer to an adoption-like framework.
Ultimately, the transcript argues that current regulations are not keeping pace with technological advancements like DNA testing and evolving societal views on family. The fertility industry, being a business, often prioritizes supply, leading to situations where children's needs for identity and connection are overlooked. The speaker concludes that families are inherently "elastic," and while regulations are slow to adapt, parents bear the responsibility of embracing openness and transparency from the start to navigate this intricate new reality.
中英文字稿 
经济学人 很少有人谈论精子。是的，人们谈论卵子，但不是那些卵子，而是我们的卵子，那些创造人的卵子。然而，在受孕方面，我希望我不是第一个告诉你这些成分非常重要的人。如果我们没有所需的一切，越来越多的人现在找到了获取它们的方法。试管婴儿（IVF）变得越来越普遍，在英国，大约五分之一的出生涉及捐赠者。在最初的时刻，大多数人都在想着他们的生育梦想。但是，作为通过捐赠创造的孩子，该如何以及何时告诉他们这个真相呢？他们有权见到他们的捐赠者吗？兄弟姐妹的可能性又如何？是的，有一些规定，但很难为情感、为需求、为我们无法用语言表达的联系立法。我们认为我们知道家庭是什么，我们可以按照自己的想法塑造它。也许我们需要重新思考。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
The Economist People don't talk about sperm very much. Yes, they talk about eggs, but not these eggs, our eggs, the ones that make humans. When it comes to conception, though, I hope I'm not the first person to tell you that these ingredients are rather crucial, and if we haven't got everything we need, more and more of us are now finding the means to acquire them. IVF is increasingly common, and in Britain, roughly one in five of those births involves a donor. In those early moments, most people are thinking about their dream of having a baby. But then as a child created from that donation, how do you tell them about it and when? Do they have the right to meet their donor? What about the possibility of siblings? Yes, there's some regulation, but it's hard to legislate for emotion, for needs, bonds we don't have words for. We think we know what family is, that we can shape it how we want to. Maybe we need to think again.
我是罗茜·布洛尔，今天在《周末智慧》中，哈丽特·肖克罗斯为我们带来了那些在现实生活中面对抽象概念的人们。她还分享了她关于爱、家庭、捐赠者以及众多疑问的故事。我也有很多疑问，但每次都很惊讶地发现每个人都非常乐于助人和友好，这也是我对欧洲精子库充满热情并决定在这里开始我的生育之旅的原因之一。这是你在欧洲精子库网站上看到的视频之一。这是一家大型的丹麦公司。画面中一位金发女子坐在高脚凳上，穿着牛仔裤，看起来随意而友好。整体色调是温暖的黄色和淡蓝色。听起来不错吧？在这个网站上，我和我的妻子选择了我们用来孕育孩子的捐赠者。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I'm Rosie Bloor, and today on The Weekend Intelligence, Harriet Shawcross brings us people confronting these abstract ideas in their own very real lives. She also tells her story of love, a family, a donor, and so many questions. I had a lot of questions, and each time I was just so surprised by how helpful and how nice everyone was, and that's also one of the reasons that I was really enthusiastic about the European Sperm Bank and starting my fertility journey here. This is one of the videos that greets you on the European Sperm Bank's website. It's a big Danish company. There's a smiling blonde woman in jeans sitting on a high stool. She's casual, friendly. The colour palette is all warm yellows and powder blues. Sounds nice, doesn't it? This is the website where my wife and I chose the donor we would use to conceive our children.
如果你从来没有浏览过精子库的网站，那真是一个让人脑洞大开的体验。我自从2018年我们努力要孩子以来，就没来过这里。我可以肯定地说，现在感觉更怪异了。你无法从成年人的照片中挑选，而是有一个画廊，展示着捐赠者婴儿和幼儿时期的照片。几排微笑的婴儿冲着你。在每张照片上，他们都有一个代号，比如尤利西斯或者伊万，并附有一些帮助区分的小特征描述，比如运动型、冒险型或哲学型。我相信这不是他们的本意，但这些婴儿照片让人感觉仿佛在购物，或者至少是在选择你期望未来孩子的外貌。你甚至可以从下拉菜单中选择你想要的特征。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
If you've never been on a Sperm Bank website, it's mind-bending. I haven't been here since we were trying to conceive, back in 2018, and I can say, with conviction, it feels weirder now. You don't get adult photos to choose from. Instead, there's a gallery of photos of the donors as babies and toddlers. Rows of smiling infants stare back at you. Each one is given an alias, like Ulysses or Ivan, and some headline traits to help tell them apart, like sporty, adventurous or philosophical. I'm sure this isn't the intention, but the rows of baby pictures make it feel like you're basically shopping for children, or at the very least, choosing what you hope your future children might look like. You can select the features you want from a drop-down menu.
有身高、眼睛颜色和头发颜色。现在有一个方便的工具，你可以上传自己的照片，并找到长相与你相似的捐献者。或者至少看起来很接近。你只能看到婴儿时期的照片的原因是，这些精子被运往世界各地，而各国的规定不同。例如，在西班牙，捐献者是完全匿名的，而在英国，捐献者在任何由此诞生的孩子满18岁之前有权保持匿名。我们选择了一家丹麦精子库，因为我妻子来自斯堪的纳维亚。捐赠者的婴儿照片仍然存在，是一个金发碧眼的孩子。那里甚至还有一段声音录音。我们使用了一位演员来保护他的身份。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
There's height, eye colour and hair colour. And there's now a handy tool to upload a photo of your face and have it matched with donors who look just like you. Or near enough, anyway. The reason you only get baby photos is that this sperm is shipped all over the world, and the rules vary by country. In Spain, for example, donors are completely anonymous, whereas in the UK, donors have the right to anonymity until any children conceived turn 18. We used a Danish bank, as my wife is from Scandinavia. Our donor's baby photo is still there, blonde and dark-eyed. There's even a voice recording. We're using an actor for this, to protect his identity.
你好。我身高178厘米，体型健壮。我有浅棕色的头发和绿棕色的眼睛。肤色较白，晒太阳会轻微晒黑。我母亲和父亲的民族背景都是丹麦人。在欧洲精子库中，我的种族颜色代码是白色。当我第一次听到原版时，听起来真的很奇怪，他像个不真实的人。我高中时的一个老朋友和他的妻子在生孩子方面遇到了很多困难，然后我想，很多夫妇都经历这样的问题。所以如果我也能帮助别人，那我愿意这么做。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Hello. I'm 178 centimetres tall, and I'm muscular built. I have light brown hair and green-brown eyes. My skin colour is fair, and I tan lightly on sun exposure. My mother's ethnic origin is Danish, and my father's ethnic origin is Danish. My racial colour code, as established by the European Sperm Bank, is white. When I heard the original, it was really strange hearing him speak. He didn't feel like a real person. Well, one of my old friends from high school, him and his wife had a lot of struggle getting children, and then I thought, OK, this is actually a situation a lot of couples go through. So if I can help others as well, then I would do this.
我们一直都知道，孩子们长大后有权利去寻找他们的生父。考虑到这一点，我们选择了一个已经有孩子的人作为捐献者，因为他会理解当父亲和捐献者的区别，并且，我们希望他已经告诉他的妻子关于他捐献的决定。但如果要坦诚来说，所有这些在当时都感觉是以后的问题。那个时候我们甚至还没成为父母，很难想象现在还不存在的孩子们长大成年的样子。于是，我们把他的精子样本送到了英国的一家诊所，经过一年的治疗，我们怀上了女儿。18个月后，我们再次使用了同一位捐献者，怀上了儿子。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
We always knew the children would have the right to find him when they grew up. With this in mind, we chose somebody who already had kids, so he would know the difference between being a dad and a donor, and would, we hoped, have told his wife about his decision to donate. But if I'm honest, all of this felt like a problem for another day. We weren't even parents yet, and it was hard to imagine what it might be like when the, as yet non-existent, children were adults. So we had some vials of his sperm shipped to a UK clinic, and after a year of treatment, we conceived our daughter. We used the same donor again, 18 months later, to conceive our son.
妈妈和妈咪听说有一种方法可以让她们拥有一个孩子时，非常兴奋。哪个是我呢？也许是那个。在我们家里，没有爸爸。那么，谁最高呢？我不知道，但会有很多爱。是他。那个。所以这就是妈咪。啊。我们从孩子很小的时候就开始告诉他们他们的故事。作为两个女性，我们理所当然地要告诉他们关于捐献者的事情。所以我们买了相关的书，感觉自己做得一切都很正确。在合适的时机，她们去了诊所。医生将捐献者的精子和妈妈的卵子放在她的肚子里。她们需要等待，看宝宝是否会成长。你猜怎么着？宝宝真的成长了。哦，那是我吗？这种情况在我生下儿子后回去工作时开始发生变化。按理说，我本来是要研究一个关于生育的故事，但也许是因为缺乏睡眠，我开始浏览捐赠受孕的论坛。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Mummy and Mama were excited to hear there was a way for them to have a baby. Which one's me? That one, maybe. In our family, there will be no dad. Well, which one is the tallest? I don't know, but there will be lots of love. Him. That one. And so that's Mama. Ah. We started telling the kids about their story when they were tiny. As two women, it was a given we'd have to tell them about the donor. So we bought the books, and it felt like we were doing everything right. When the time was right, they went to the clinic. The doctor put the donor's sperm with Mummy's egg in her tummy. They had to wait to see if the baby would grow. And guess what? It did grow. Oh, is that me? That began to change once I went back to work after having our son. I was technically meant to be researching a story about fertility, but, and perhaps this was the sleep deprivation, I began looking at donor conception forums.
其中一个讨论特别引人注目。这个讨论由由捐精所生的人主持，他们讲述了自己的经历。他们传达的信息很明确：生物学关系真的很重要。他们表示，在孩子还小的时候不让他们接触自己的基因家人是剥夺了他们的人权，这是自私的行为，会对孩子造成伤害。谁在乎法律怎么说？家长有责任尽早找到捐赠者。这让我很震惊。我原以为我和妻子在这方面的决定已经做好处理。按照规定等孩子18岁的时候再让他们决定是否申请了解捐赠者的身份，似乎很简单。然而，现在这一切似乎不再那么清晰或简单了。最近又有一个人联系了我，她目前在爱尔兰，我想她应该是第九个。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
One in particular stood out. It was led by donor-conceived people talking about their experiences. Their message was clear. Biology really mattered. They said keeping donor-conceived people from their genetic family while they were children was denying them their human rights. It was selfish. It would damage the kids. Who cared what the law said? Parents had a duty to find the donor as early as possible. It really threw me. I thought my wife and I had a handle on this particular decision. Follow the rules and wait till the kids were 18 when they could apply for the donor's identity, if they even wanted it. Easy peasy. But that didn't feel clear, or easy, anymore. Another one came through the other day, actually, who is in Ireland at the moment. And she is number nine, I believe.
在1990年代初期，亚历克斯开始捐精时，英国的捐赠是完全匿名的。那年夏天非常炎热，我很享受生活在城市里的时光，我可以靠一些积蓄和少量救济金暂时生活。亚历克斯每次捐赠大约能拿到7英镑，他用这些钱请女朋友吃午饭。一天晚上下班后，我和他聊天。他秃顶，笑得很快，不过很少直视对方的眼睛。我们常常拿着装有样本的试管走去捐赠地点，因为他们总是告诉我们要保持样本温暖。我们和未来的父母们用同一个入口——那是一扇大大的乔治亚风格的正门。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Donor conception in the UK was completely anonymous at the point Alex started donating sperm in the early 1990s. It was a nice hot summer that year, and I just enjoyed the fact I was living in a city, I could live on the dole for a little bit with some savings. Alex was paid about £7 per donation, and he treated his girlfriend to lunch on the profits. I'm speaking to him one evening after work. He's bald, quick to smile, and doesn't make a lot of eye contact. We were trot down to the place, often with the tubes under our arms, because we were always told, we must keep them warm, you know. And we would use the same entrance as the prospective parents. This big Georgian front door, you know.
这并不罕见，按响门铃后站在那儿，然后有其他人过来。我们向左走，他们向右走。这从来不是我想象的能看到结果的事情。但是，近30年后，在疫情最严重的时候，他接到了他姑姑的电话。她问他：“你在90年代捐过精子吗？”当时我不得不坐下来，因为除了非常亲近的家人，我几乎没和别人提过这件事。这不是一件广为人知的事情。他的姑姑是被一个在商业DNA网站上寻找家族信息的年轻女性联系上的。她询问Alex是否愿意做一个DNA测试。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
It wasn't unusual to be sort of stood there, having run the doorbell, and other people to sort of come along. We'd go left, and they'd go right. It was never something that I imagined that I would ever see the results of. But, nearly 30 years later, in the height of the pandemic, he got a call from his aunt. Did you, she asked him, ever donate sperm in the 90s? Yeah, I had to sit down at that point, because I'd not mentioned to anyone really beyond very close family. It wasn't something that was sort of wide, you know. His aunt had been contacted by a young woman on a commercial DNA site, trying to find out about their family. She asked Alex if he'd be willing to take a DNA test.
起初我感到非常震惊，但是你知道，我想我就是一个非常好奇的人。所以我不可能对她说，你知道吗？我不在意。测试显示他和住在英格兰西北部的一名正在研究其家族历史的女性有关系。尽管他当时还不知道她的名字，她叫弗蕾娅。有时候，我会看着镜子，心里想，那部分不是妈妈的吧？而我是否能知道他会长什么样呢？我无论如何都无法想象他的样子。我想，如果有张照片就好了。弗蕾娅在90年代中期的一个双亲家庭中长大。就像我的孩子一样，她从小就知道自己是通过捐精受孕的。但在那时，捐精者仍然是匿名的。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
There was initial great shock, but, you know, I suppose I'm just quite a nosy, curious person. And there was no way I was going to say to her, you know what, no, I'm not bothered. The test showed he was connected to a woman in north-west England, who was looking into her family. Her name, although he didn't know it yet, was Freya. There would be little moments where I'd look in the mirror and kind of go, is that bit not mum? You know, and would I ever know what he could look like? I could not picture him for the life of me. And I think that was, I would have loved a photo. Freya grew up in a two-month family in the mid-90s. Like my kids, she had always known she was donor-conceived. But at that point, donors were still anonymous.
所以，你是什么时候开始考虑去找他的呢？其实我从没真正想过要去找他。我只是想着，做一些关于我妈妈那边的家谱研究。因为在我开始这样做的时候，我的亲生母亲已经去世了，所以那边的家人很少。但我并没有在找我的捐赠者，我也不知道该怎么找。所以我从来没有主动寻找过。这完全是运气。当弗蕾娅和亚历克斯的姑姑匹配成功的时候，她正怀着孕，准备迎接她的第一个孩子，所以当时没太在意没有得到任何回复。但几周后，亚历克斯的姑姑突然联系了她。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
So, when did you first start thinking about finding him? I don't know if I ever thought about finding him. I thought, I'll just do some kind of family tree digging on my mum's side. Because by the time I was doing that, my biological mum had passed away. So, that side of my family was quite small. But I wasn't looking for my donor. I didn't really know how to. So, I wasn't at any point. It was pure luck, really. At the point Freya matched with Alex's aunt, she was heavily pregnant and getting ready to welcome her first baby. So, she didn't think much of it when she didn't hear back. But then, weeks later, from nowhere, Alex's aunt got back in touch.
当我产后第三周的时候，我半夜收到了一封邮件。当时我正在喂夜奶，邮件里说我猜得没错，这个人是你的父亲，并把我们的联系方式告诉了对方。哇哦。你还记得当时的感受吗？我感觉自己快要疯了，因为非常缺乏睡眠。我记得我把妻子叫醒，说，这个女人回邮件了。于是，我们做的第一件事就是搜了一下他的名字。我找到一个旧的推特账号，上面有他的照片。我看了一眼，立刻就觉得，哦，就是他。因为他的笑容和我一个同父异母的姐妹一模一样，简直就像复刻黏贴的一样。我心想，这绝对是他，就是他。然后我想在凌晨三点回这封邮件，但我妻子说，最好别这么做。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
When I was three weeks postpartum, I got an email in the middle of the night. I was up doing a night feed and got this email saying, I was right, this person is your father. I'm putting you guys in contact. Wow. Yes. Do you remember what that felt like? I felt like I was going slightly insane. I was very sleep deprived. And I remember waking my wife up and being like, this woman's emailed back. So, the first thing we did was we searched his name. And I found an old Twitter account. And it had his picture on it. And I looked at it and instantly went, oh, it is him. Because his smile was the absolute spitting image of one of my half-sisters. Like, you could have copied and pasted it. And I went, it's definitely him. That's him. And then I wanted to reply to the email at three o'clock in the morning. And my wife said, maybe don't do that.
经过几个小时的睡眠，她终于回复了。亚历克斯几乎立即回信了。他们很快就安排了一次电话交流。我非常非常紧张，而且我本来就不太喜欢打电话。接通电话的那一刻起，他说话的方式让我感觉他就像是BBC Radio 4 的主持人。他的声音温和、友好、开放。我的第一反应是，哦，妈妈一定会喜欢他的。我还记得我在想，天哪，她听起来像我的妹妹。令人惊讶的是，和她交谈非常轻松。虽然这只是一件很小的事情，但知道她会喜欢他这样的人，确实是一个很大的收获。这很难形容，就好像你已经和这个人有了一段关系，已经认识他了，但这其实并不是一种很深的关系。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
After a few hours of sleep, she did reply. Alex wrote back almost immediately. And they had soon arranged a phone call. I was really, really nervous. And I don't like phone calls for the best of times anyway. And then the second he answered the phone, the way he talks, and the best way that I describe it is he sounds a little bit like he could be like a Radio 4 presenter. He's got a very mild, nice, open voice. And my first thought was, oh, Mum would have loved him. I do remember thinking, God, she sounds like my sister. What was remarkable was it was very easy to talk with her. And it was so minor, really. But just knowing that she would have liked him as a person was, yeah, a big win. It's really difficult to describe, but it's as if you have had a relationship with this person and you do know this person already. It's not a deep relationship at all.
这有点像一种让人感到意外的亲情联系。我的养母Nikki给我发消息问，在我们谈话后，你觉得他像你的父亲吗？我回答，不。他没有任何部分让我觉得像父亲，那个标签不合适。我说，现在“生物学父亲”这个称呼还算可以，但也只是他的名字。现在我有了他的名字，这是我多年想要的东西。Nikki见过他吗？见过。见过后，Nikki确实说那感觉非常奇怪。她说，更像是她坐在那里盯着他看，因为她自从我出生后就一直在脑海中勾勒这个人。她说，当她抱着我的那一刻，她看着我的脸，心想，我想知道他长什么样。她说她就这么望着我很长时间，想着这个问题。见到他让她觉得非常奇怪，但也解答了许多疑问。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
But it's kind of like a kinship that's really quite surprising. My non-biological mom, Nikki, messaged me saying, does he feel like your dad after we talked? I went, no. It's like there's no part of him that feels like a dad. That label wouldn't fit. And I said, biological father feels OK right now, but also just his name. Now I have his name. That was something I'd wanted for years. Has Nikki met him? Yes. And afterwards, Nikki did say, like, that was very strange. But she said it was more that she was sat staring at him because she'd been picturing this person from the moment I was born. She said, the moment I held you, I looked at your face and went, I want to know what he looks like. She said she just would just look at me for such a long time and wonder. And getting to look at him was kind of very, very strange and very weird, but answered a lot of questions too.
听弗蕾娅讲话真的很感动。人们总是告诉我，我的女儿长得像我，但我自己看不出来。孩子们一直都是他们自己，我们从未去琢磨他们身上哪个部分像谁。也许这是一种自我保护，因为我们也不是很清楚。 你能谈谈现在的关系吗？你说他会参加你女儿的生日派对。这是否意味着他有点像是个“爷爷”角色呢？有点像。我觉得他更像是个叔叔，在家庭成员中他的位置应该是这样。那个关系，不是父亲，也不是父亲般的，而更像是叔叔。你希望早点认识他吗？是的，我想是的。我希望能够认识他久一点。弗蕾娅并不孤单，有很多呼声要求在捐赠者受孕方面采取更大的开放态度，这样的呼声已经持续了几十年。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
It's really moving hearing Freya talk. People tell me my daughter looks like me all the time, but I don't see it. The children have always just been utterly themselves. We've never played the game of wondering what bits come from where. Maybe that's self-preservation, because we don't really know. And tell me about the relationship now. You said he goes to your daughter's birthday parties. Is it entering into kind of grandpa territory? Kind of. I see him almost as a bit of an uncle, I think. I think that's where he fits in terms of a family member. And that relationship, it's not a dad. It's not a sort of, it's not even fatherly. It's more uncle. Do you wish you'd met him earlier? Yes, I think so. I would have liked to have just known him longer. Freya is not alone in feeling like this. There have been calls for greater openness within donor conception for decades.
嗨，Marilyn。谢谢你，很高兴见到你。谢谢。Marilyn Crawshaw是一位学者，但她也曾是英国生育监管机构的伦理检查员，并在20世纪80年代担任过社会工作者，那时她帮助安排婴儿被领养。她家的每个表面都堆满了东西，有卡带、成堆的纸张，以及几十张家庭照片，从严肃的黑白照片到穿着雨靴的孩子照片。我想我们从一开始就非常坚持地认为不应有匿名。她曾致力于消除捐赠者匿名制度，当时普遍的建议是：让孩子知道自己是通过捐赠者受孕的会对他们有害。为什么你觉得这样的公开是如此重要？这是你愿意为之奋斗的事情吗？
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Hi, Marilyn. Thank you. Nice to meet you. Thank you. Marilyn Crawshaw is an academic, but she's also been an ethics inspector with the UK Fertility Regulator and a social worker back in the 1980s, when she helped place babies for adoption. Every surface in her house is crammed full of stuff. There are cassette tapes, piles of paper and dozens of family photos, from sombre black and white Victorians to kids in wellies. I think from the beginning, we were very much saying that there shouldn't be anonymity. She campaigned for an end to donor anonymity, when the prevailing advice was that it would be damaging for children to know they had been donor conceived. Why did you believe that kind of openness was so important? It was something you were willing to fight for?
我从小就知道，我的大家庭中有一些成员的孩子不是由他们自己抚养，而是由家族中的其他人抚养。我妈妈出生于1920年，所以这种情况并不少见。无论出于何种原因，有人无法在自己的家庭中抚养孩子，于是家族中的其他人接手抚养。但这件事是公开的，大家都知道，并不是只有少数人掌握的信息。我认为这种公开的态度消除了这种情况的任何耻辱感，并让它变得正常化。每个人都知道他们是谁，以及彼此之间的关系。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I grew up knowing that there were some members of my extended family who had children who were being raised somewhere else in the family. My mum was born in 1920. So it was not unusual. For whatever reason, somebody had not been able to raise a child within their own family. And so somebody else in the family took that child on. But it was known. It was open. It was known about. So it wasn't information that was held by some people and not by others. The fact that it was open, I think, removes any stigma from it and it normalises it. And everybody knew who they were and what the relations were to each other.
与这种开放的安排不同，捐精受孕的世界曾经更为隐秘。35年前，令人难以置信的是，英国还没有集中记录捐精者使用情况的系统。这曾是医生与病人之间的私人安排。这导致了一些不可原谅的行为，比如医生使用自己的精子，有时甚至成为几百个孩子的生父。直到1991年，随着人类受精与胚胎学管理局（HFEA）的成立，才开始有了记录。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Unlike this open arrangement, the world of donor conception was much more secretive. 35 years ago, there were still, unbelievably, no centralised records kept of when a donor had been used in the UK. It was a private arrangement between doctors and their patients. This led to some unforgivable practices, like doctors using their own sperm, sometimes fathering hundreds of children. Records started being kept in 1991, when the regulator, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, or HFEA, was set up.
活动人士如玛丽莲希望在开放性方面有更大进展，这基于她作为社工的经验。我们试图将领养中的经验带到讨论桌上。当时，让一些临床医生感到恼火的是，他们会说这不一样，不一样。而我们会说，当然不一样，但这是我们目前唯一的证据和研究，关于养育一个在基因上与自己无关的孩子是什么样的。领养曾经历过类似的良心危机。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
But campaigners like Marilyn wanted much greater openness, based on her experiences as a social worker. We tried to bring the messages from adoption to the table. And it was struck at the times that you would have clinicians being quite enraged by that and saying, but it's not the same. It's not the same. And we would say, of course it's not the same, but it's the only evidence that we have, it's the only research that we have at the moment about what it's like to be raising a child who is not genetically yours. Adoption had gone through a similar crisis in conscience.
在早期，人们认为孩子不应该知道自己是被收养的。甚至在法庭文件上，用序列号代替了他们母亲的名字。但是到了Marilyn开始工作的时候，根据被收养者的经验，人们意识到让孩子知道他们的出身更好。1975年，他们赢得了查阅出生证明并了解亲生父母身份的权利。如今，养父母必须告诉孩子他们是被收养的，并且在专业人士的支持下这样做。虽然开放可能很困难，但从一开始就被视为理所当然。这就是相似之处。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
In the early days, it was felt children shouldn't know they were adopted. This went as far as replacing their mother's names with serial numbers on court documents. But by the time Marilyn started work, it was recognised, based on the experiences of adopted people, that it was better for them to know where they came from. In 1975, they won the right to access their birth certificate and find out who their parents were. These days, adoptive parents have to tell their children they are adopted, and are supported by professionals to do so. Openness might be difficult, but it's a given from the start. That's the similarity.
收养法承认，就像论坛上的人们争论的那样，生物学关系很重要。但正如Marilyn承认的，这并不是完全相同的。作为一个拥有两个月大孩子的家庭，我们在是否公开使用捐赠者这件事上没有选择。这几乎是这件事中唯一让我无需烦恼的决定。但对于异性夫妻来说，是否告诉孩子并不是必然的事情。可能会有一些情感上的隐患，比如对生育问题的羞愧感，或者引入第三方的威胁，特别是对于没有生物学关系的父母来说。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Adoption law recognises that, as the people on the forums argued, biology matters. But it is, as Marilyn concedes, not quite the same. As a two-month family, we had no choice about being open about the fact we'd used a donor. It's pretty much the only decision in this that I haven't had to worry about. But for straight couples, telling the child isn't necessarily a given. There are potential emotional landmines like shame over fertility issues, or the threat of introducing a third party, particularly for the non-biological parent.
但最大的区别在于，与领养不同，使用捐赠者受孕是一项依赖稳定供应的商业活动，涉及到卵子、精子和胚胎。而在医务界，有些人非常担心，如果取消匿名，捐赠者就会停止捐赠。这是一个漫长的过程，花了很长时间。虽然我们在社会工作领域已经学会将孩子放在核心位置，但在生育领域，核心却是成年人，即准父母。他们希望帮助准父母实现拥有家庭的梦想。因此，他们认为必须保持捐赠者的供应。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
But the biggest difference is that, unlike adoption, donor conception is a business that relies on a ready supply of commodities, eggs, sperm and embryos. And some in the medical profession were terrified that if anonymity was removed, donors would stop donating. It was a long haul. It took a long time. Whereas we in social work had learnt to put the child at the core, in the fertility world, it was the adults. It was the prospective parents that were at the core, and they were wanting to help them achieve their dream of having a family. And so they were saying, we have to keep up the supply of donors.
然后事情开始发生变化。是什么引发了这种变化的呢？或者你是什么时候觉得，“实际上，我们会赢”的？我们开始使用人权的语言。我们已经在收养方面取得了一些变化，这些变化强化了儿童的权利，包括儿童的身份权、知道自己是谁的权利。因此，当宣布这个消息时，我心想，哇。一场诉讼导致法律在2005年发生了改变，这项改变赋予通过捐赠受孕的人查找其捐赠者身份的权利。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
And then it started to change. What was it that tipped it? Or when did you think, actually, this is, we're going to win this? We started to use human rights language. We've got the changes that had happened in adoption that was reinforcing child's right, child's right to identity, to know who they are. So when the announcement was made, I thought, wow. A court case led to a law change in 2005 that gave donor-conceived people the right to find out the identity of their donor.
自那时起，一旦孩子年满18岁，他们就有权知道捐献者的姓名、年龄和最后一次已知的通讯地址。但这并不保证能找到捐献者。当第一批通过捐献受孕的人达到成年时，实际上只有极少数人向HFEA申请。也许这仅仅是因为他们才18岁，并不关心这些事。毕竟，有些人对自己的捐献者根本不感兴趣。或者正如一些活动人士向我建议的那样，可能是因为他们根本不知道自己是通过捐献受孕的，所以从未询问过这个问题。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
And since then, once a child turns 18, they have the right to know their donor's name, age, and last known postal address. But that's no guarantee of being found. When the first group of donor-conceived people came of age, only a tiny number actually applied to the HFEA. Now, maybe that's just because they're 18 and don't care. Some people have no interest in their donors after all. Or maybe, as some campaigners have suggested to me, they didn't know they were donor-conceived, to even ask the question.
随着时间的推移，玛丽莲开始怀疑这个法律是否做得足够。我们应该朝着这样一个目标前进，即从出生开始就可以知道捐献者的身份。我认为我们必须朝这个方向努力。即使在商业DNA检测出现之前，人们也在找到彼此，但不像现在这样大规模。如今，我们已经有商业DNA检测技术。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
And as time has gone on, Marilyn has begun to wonder whether the law goes far enough. We should be moving towards the point at which the identity of the donor is available from birth onwards. I think we have to be moving towards that. Even before commercial DNA testing came on the scene, people were finding each other, but not in the numbers that it is now. But now we have commercial DNA testing.
2023年，HFEA（英国人类受精与胚胎管理局）就相关法律进行了咨询，其中一项发现是，我们应该从出生起就朝向开放的方向发展。但要改变法律，需要议会采取行动。这对我的家庭意味着什么？我是否、应该更早地去寻找捐献者？目前，如果我们想找到他，就必须对孩子们进行DNA测试。而在他们太小、无法同意的情况下进行这种测试，我感到不安。但如果可以不通过DNA测试找到他，我会这样做吗？我不确定。在另一个情境中，如果他知道并预期这种联系，那答案是肯定的。但事实并非如此。开放性在理论上很好，但现实却很复杂。总是有这样的说法，不是吗？“你真正的父母”或“你真正的父亲”。你知道，这很棘手。我认为围绕这个问题的语言使用是复杂的。因为，我不是他们的父亲。我是捐献者，我是附加者，我是额外的存在。而我喜欢这种身份。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
In 2023, the HFEA held a consultation into the law, and one of their findings was that we should be moving towards openness from birth. But that would require an act of Parliament to change the law. What does all this mean for my family? Would I, should I, try to find the donor earlier? Right now, if we wanted to find him, we would have to DNA test the children. And this isn't something I feel comfortable doing while they're too young to consent. But would I find him, if I could, without a DNA test? I don't know. In another world, where he knew that was the deal and was expecting contact, then yes. But that's not where we are. Openness is great in theory. But the reality is complicated. There's always that term, isn't there? Your real parents, or your real dad. You know, and it's tricky. The whole language around it, I think, can be tricky. Because, you know, I'm not their dad. I'm not their father. But I am, I am the donor. I'm an add-on. I'm an extra. And I like that.
Alex已经多次见过Freya和她的家人。自从认识Freya以来，他放弃了在HFEA（人类受精与胚胎管理局）的匿名权，这样其他由捐精受孕的孩子可以联系到他。目前，他已经和九个捐精受孕的孩子取得了联系。他们有一个WhatsApp群组，并计划在今年晚些时候进行第一次大型聚会。这情节听起来像是一部好莱坞电影：一群成年的孩子与他们的捐精者重聚，他们互相推荐电影、开玩笑。但事情并没有那么简单。你希望早一点有这样的机会吗，早点认识他们吗？我考虑过这个问题，或许时机恰到好处，因为我正处于人生的新阶段。我离婚了，对此消息的反应部分是由这种新的生活状态决定的。所以，我真的不知道。而在我们的谈话中，我们了解到，至少有一个捐精孩子还没有告诉他的父亲他们找到了Alex，更不用说他们还有接触了。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Alex has now met Freya and her family several times. Since meeting her, he's also waived his anonymity with the HFEA, so other donor-conceived children could find him if they wanted. He's in touch with nine donor-conceived children. They have a WhatsApp group, and they're planning their first big meet-up later in the year. It sounds like the plot of some kind of Hollywood movie, a group of adult children reunited with their donor, who send each other film recommendations and jokes. But it isn't that simple. Do you wish you'd had that earlier, that you'd met them earlier? I've thought about this, and possibly the timing was really good, in that I, you know, I was kind of up in a new phase of my life. I was divorced. My reaction to this news was partly formed by that new domestic scenario I had. So I genuinely don't know. And as we talk, it emerges at least one of his donor children hasn't told their dad they've found Alex, much less that they hang out.
我确实觉得有时候他在与我交谈时可能感到过内疚，这种情感往往很复杂，这让表述变得困难。比如，是否称呼他为自己的儿子都显得棘手，因为他有一个养育他的父亲，而且我们也没有合适的词汇来表达这种细微差别。你知道吗，在此之前，我有女儿们。我很喜欢有这样一个男孩作为捐献者的孩子，我们可以一起去喝啤酒。确实，这种表达很难，是个男捐献者的孩子。是的，我明白。我有些犹豫，因为我不想自作主张。我想他们有时可能也有同样的感觉。通过与许多捐献者后代交谈，我了解到大多数人的情况并不像亚历克斯和弗蕾娅那样幸运。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
And I do think that sometimes maybe there's been passages of time where he's felt guilty about speaking to me, you know? And these things can obviously be really quite complex. All of this makes the language tricky. Even something as simple as whether to call him his son is difficult, partly because he has a dad who raised him, and partly because there just aren't the words for this kind of nuance. You know, up until this point, I've got daughters. And I really like the fact that I had this donor child who's male. And we could go down and we can go and have a beer with him. The language is hard, isn't it? A donor child that is male. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. And I'm hesitant because I don't want to be presumptuous. And I think possibly on their side, sometimes it's the same. You know? I know from speaking to numerous donor-conceived people that most aren't as lucky as Alex and Freya.
我曾与一些人交流过，他们的捐献者完全拒绝与他们联系。还有些人，虽然承认自己是捐赠者，但随后彻底断绝了联系。也有一些人始终没能找到彼此。并不是每个人都会在DNA网站上找到匹配。此外，并不是所有在匿名承诺下捐献过精子的人都愿意被找到。另一方面，在探索这个问题之前，我没有完全意识到捐献者受孕的复杂性。让我感到震惊的是，我们有15个人。这个发现让我有些意外，哦，好吧。我现在和弗蕾亚在家，她和她的妻子育有两个年幼的孩子，我们坐在她家沙发上，对面是玩具屋和儿童推车。她留着齐耳的短发，戴着鼻环，笑容自然，和亚历克斯很相似。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I've spoken to people whose donors have flat-out refused to speak to them. Or others that have acknowledged they're their donor and then completely cut contact. And those who just haven't managed to find each other. Not everyone matches on DNA sites. And not everyone who donated sperm under the promise of anonymity wants to be tracked down. And there's another aspect to donor conception that I hadn't fully appreciated before going into this. And this is where it gets really messy. I remember being shocked that there were 15 of us. So that was a little bit of a, oh, OK. I'm at home with Freya. She now has two young children with her wife and we're sitting on her sofa opposite doll's houses and child-sized buggies. She has bobbed hair, a nose ring and an easy smile, like Alex.
弗蕾娅在找到亚历克斯的时候并没有刻意去找他。除了研究她妈妈的家族外，她还在寻找她的同父异母兄弟姐妹。如果有人想见到他们的捐精兄弟姐妹，他们可以在满18岁时注册到生育监管机构，该机构会为已注册的人牵线搭桥。在此之前，他们可以申请关于这些兄弟姐妹数量的信息，包括性别和出生年份。弗蕾娅记得自己收到这些信息的时候，有点觉得：“哦，好吧。”所以，脑海中有个数字总是好的，知道了，“好，包括我和妹妹在内是15个。好的，那还差13个要找到。”我一直告诉自己没问题，因为拥有这些信息却又好像什么都不知道的感觉很奇怪。我无能为力，只知道他们在某个地方。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Freya wasn't looking for Alex at the point she found him. As well as researching her mum's family, she was looking for her half-siblings. If someone wants to meet their donor siblings, they can sign up with the fertility regulator, who will then connect any that have registered when they turn 18. Before that, they can apply for information about how many are out there, including their gender and year of birth. Freya remembers when she was sent this information. That was a little bit of a, oh, OK. So, yeah, having a number in my head was good, knowing, OK, 15, including me and my sister. OK, so that's just 13 to find. Fine. Is that OK? Well, I kept telling myself it was OK because it was strange having information and yet having no information. I couldn't do anything with that. I just knew they were out there.
在英国，捐赠者理论上最多可以帮助创建10个家庭。但正如HFEA指出的，这只是指导意见，对每个家庭的孩子数量没有限制。在捐赠者社区中，这些同父异母同胞的群体被称为“pods”。我回头查看那些年的记录，发现1984年出生的同胞有很多，和我年纪相仿的也很多。但是，我不知道他们在做什么，不知道他们在哪所大学上学。有时候会想，我会不会在大学遇到他们？那会很尴尬。或者，我会不会和其中一个约会？这总是让我感到不安，因此我尽量不去想。多年后，Freya通过捐赠者兄弟姐妹链接与四个同父异母的兄弟姐妹取得了联系，并通过DNA检测找到了另外三个。然而，那种既知道又不知道的感觉从未消失。我有好几年没见过他们，但我现在知道他们是谁，我知道他们的名字，知道他们住在哪里。就像一个谜题解开了一部分，我想。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Donors in the UK are, theoretically, limited to creating 10 families. But this is, as the HFEA points out, only guidance, and there's no limit on the number of children within that. In the donor community, these groups of half-siblings are known as pods. I'd look at the years and be like, there are loads of us born in 1984. There are loads of them that are my age. And yes, I don't know what they're doing. I don't know where they went to university. I don't know, like, could I meet them at university? That would be weird. Could I date one? That was always something that I would have to put to the back of my mind because I felt ill. Years later, Freya would connect with four of these half-siblings through the donor-sibling link and she would reach another three through DNA testing. But that feeling of knowing and not knowing never went away. I haven't seen some of them for years, but I know them now. And I have their name and I know where they live and I have something where it's just not that kind of. unanswered question, I guess.
我觉得我还有七个兄弟姐妹没有找到，这让我感到不安。我可能在街上看到一位同母异父或同父异母的兄弟姐妹却认不出来。这是一种很奇怪的感觉，就像失去了某种东西一样。我不确定小时候我想要的关系是什么样的，但至少有这个选项会比较好。就像弗蕾娅说的那样，感觉你在错过一些无法准确命名的东西，这种说法很让人感触。许多与捐精受孕相关的事情，语言都还没有充分表达出来。比如亚历克斯提到他的男性捐精子女和附加的父亲角色。而她渴望与生物家人联系的愿望很令人着迷。在我看来，这种愿望是因为信息没有公开。所有信息都在HFEA那里。你去获取时，常常会像弗蕾娅一开始那样，只得到零星的信息，却不足以真正帮助你建立联系。于是，你愈发渴望了解更多。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I think I've got seven siblings I've not found yet and that is still uncomfortable. I could see a half-sibling on the street and not know. It's a really strange feeling and it feels like being deprived of something. I don't really know what the relationship is that I would have liked as a kid, but just the option, I think, would have been nice. There's something really poignant about what Freya says about feeling you're missing something you can't quite name. Like so many things in donor conception, the language hasn't quite caught up. Like Alex talking about his male donor children and add-on dads. And there's something fascinating about her drive to connect with biological family. To me, this seems driven by the fact the information isn't publicly available. It's all with the HFEA. And when you ask for it, you often end up, as Freya did initially, with scraps of information but nothing that actually helps you connect. And so you become desperate to know more.
与她交谈时，我担心我自己的孩子可能也会面临这些问题。我能否通过提早寻找他们的同父异母兄弟姐妹，帮助他们避免一些困扰？几年前，我开始考虑我孩子的捐赠者兄弟姐妹的问题。网上有很多声音在讨论当前的情况。我们是通过捐赠孕育而生的。当人们问我有多少兄弟姐妹时，我会转移话题。我们是通过捐赠孕育而生的。因此，如果我在公共场合看到一个与我相似的人，我会假设我们有某种联系。对于那些不了解我的故事的人来说，我通过精子捐赠有97个生物学上的孩子。我本不想有这么多孩子，但他们已经存在了，所以我尽力去关心那些希望建立联系的孩子们。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Talking to her, I worry my own children may have all this ahead of them. Could I help them avoid some of it by trying to find their half-siblings earlier? I first started thinking about my children's donor siblings a few years ago. There are plenty of voices online discussing the current landscape. We're donor-conceived. When people ask me how many siblings I have, I change the subject. We're donor-conceived. So if I see somebody in public who looks like me, I'm going to assume I'll relate it. So for people who don't know my story, I have 97 biological children via sperm donation. I did not agree to have this many, but they're here now, so I'm doing my best to show up for the ones who want a connection.
我和妻子在谈论这件事时，用谷歌搜索了来自精子库的捐赠者的别名。我们没料到搜索结果竟然是一则来自奥地利生育监管机构的警告。警告称，由于该捐赠者携带一种导致听力损失的基因，他已被永久封锁。没有人告诉过我们这一点。妻子和我都非常震惊。在惊慌之中，我们联系了精子库，他们证实了这一消息。确实有一个孩子出生时就出现了听力损失。他们告诉我们，捐赠者曾来诊所进行额外检测，结果显示他携带一种导致先天性耳聋的隐性基因。突然之间，这位捐赠者变得非常真实。电话里的工作人员还在几周前和他谈过话。同时，在某个地方，有一个不能正常听声音的孩子。这件事情无法被忽视。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I was talking about it all with my wife when we googled the donor's alias from the sperm bank. We were not prepared for what came up. It was an alert issued by the Austrian Fertility Regulator. It said our donor had been permanently blocked as he had a gene that causes hearing loss. No one had told us. My wife and I were both really shaken. In a panic, we contacted the sperm bank and they confirmed it. A child had been born with hearing loss. They told us the donor had come into the clinic for additional testing, which had shown he had a recessive gene that causes congenital deafness. Suddenly, he seemed very real. The woman on the phone had been talking to him just a few weeks ago. And somewhere, there was a child who couldn't hear properly. There was no way to ignore it.
我们的孩子在外面至少有一个兄弟姐妹，年龄和我们的儿子相差不大。联系这些兄弟姐妹不再像是一个等孩子长大后才考虑的理论问题。现在，我需要知道外面还有哪些兄弟姐妹。我联系了HFEA（人类受精与胚胎管理局），询问在英国使用我们捐赠者的精子出生的孩子有多少。作为通过捐赠者受孕孩子的父母，我们可以申请和弗蕾雅收到的同样信息——一个表格，列出任何孩子的出生年份和性别。我开始等待。一年过去了。然后两年。依然没有回复。在等待的过程中，我回到了一些论坛。找一个使用我们精子库的父母论坛并不难，我很惭愧地说，没有深思熟虑，我就问是否有人使用了我们的捐赠者。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Our children had at least one sibling out there, not much younger than our son. Contacting siblings didn't feel like a theoretical question for when the kids were grown up anymore. And now, I needed to know who else was out there. I contacted the HFEA to ask how many children had been born using our donor in the UK. As parents of a donor-conceived child, we could apply for the same information Freya was sent. A table, giving the year of birth and sex of any children born. And I waited. A year passed. Then two. No reply. While I was waiting, I went back to the forums. It wasn't difficult to find one for parents who had used our sperm bank, and I'm ashamed to say that without really thinking it through, I asked if anyone had used our donor.
大约半小时后，德国的一位女士回复了我并将我加入了一个私密的Facebook群组。突然间，我就加入了一个由其他几位女性组成的封闭群组。她们说她们都曾使用过与我们相同别名的捐赠者。虽然我无法确认这是否属实，但在查看群组历史信息时，我发现了她们发布的孩子照片。当我看到一个长得和我们儿子一模一样的小男孩时，我停了下来。我一直以为他那红色的头发来自我的外祖母，但现在却看到一个小红发男孩在看着我。这虽然是个小细节，但自从我儿子还是个婴儿时，外祖母的基因就一直是他故事的一部分，而发现这些基因可能不是来自她让我感到不安。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Within about half an hour, a woman in Germany replied and added me to a private Facebook group. Suddenly, I was in a closed group with several other women. They said they had all used a donor with the same alias as ours. Of course, I have no way of knowing if that's true, but scrolling back through the group history, I found pictures they had posted of their children. I stopped when I reached a little boy who was the spitting image of our son. I'd always thought his red hair came from my maternal grandmother, but here was a little ginger boy staring back at me. It's such a tiny thing, but the link to my grandmother has been part of my son's story ever since he was a baby, and finding out those genes probably weren't from her was unnerving.
这个Facebook小组规模很小，但在全球范围内，捐精者可以创造的家庭数量没有限制，尽管我们的精子库确实设定了75个家庭的限制。所以从逻辑上讲，这个小组可能只是个开始。我发现和几个兄弟姐妹建立联系已经够让我感到压力了。对我们的孩子来说，跟更大群体的交流会是什么样呢？Freya现在有17个兄弟姐妹，而且这个数字还在增加。这个过程总是简单而积极的吗？并不简单。他们中的大多数都知道自己是通过捐精出生的，这一点很有帮助。前五个知道这一点，这很容易，因为彼此有共同点。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
The Facebook group was quite small, but globally there are no limits on how many families a donor can create, although our sperm bank does impose their own limit of 75 families. So logically, this group could be just the beginning. I'd found making contact with a handful of siblings stressful enough. What might it be like for our children to navigate even bigger groups? Freya now has 17 siblings, and counting. Is it always kind of straightforward and positive? Not straightforward. Most of them have known they were donor-conceived, so that has been helpful. The first one, two, three, four, five of them knew, and that was easy because there was something in common.
最近的两个和之前的两个都不知道他们是通过捐赠者受孕的，所以在Ancestry上与我匹配时，其实是我打破了他们对家庭的原有看法。其中一位最初以为我是某次婚外情的结果，而我正要登上一个九小时的航班的时候收到了他的邮件。我只能回邮件说自己是捐赠者受孕的，因为我不知道如何讨论这个话题。我没有这样的训练，也没有这样的装备。大概每隔一周我就会收到一封邮件，说我有新的DNA匹配。只有一次是一个同父异母的兄弟。其他每次都是四、五代以外的远亲，所以每次打开邮件的时候我都会紧张不已，每一次都是。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
The last two and the most recent two hadn't known they were donor-conceived, so matching with me on Ancestry, I was solely responsible for messing up that view of their family, really. The first thought that I was the product of an affair, and I got this email just about to board a nine-hour flight. All I could do was just send one back saying, I'm donor-conceived, and that's all I could say because I was like, I don't know how to have this conversation. I'm not trained, I'm not equipped. I probably get an email every other week saying you have new DNA matches. Only once has that been a half-brother. Every other time it's fourth and fifth cousins, and so I get the lurch every time I open the email, every single time.
尽管这个系统有很多不足之处，但在生孩子这件事上，弗蕾娅也选择了使用捐赠者。你一直都想要孩子吗？哦，是的，我一直都知道。这方面的记忆可以追溯到我四岁时，怀抱玩偶的照片。我甚至给我的玩具娃娃喂奶。我坚信自己将来要做妈妈。这是无法妥协的事情。她不希望自己的孩子经历同样的困境，并已开始寻找兄弟姐妹。尽管根据英国法律，父母寻找使用同一捐赠者的其他父母以找到兄弟姐妹是没有任何障碍的，但有些人强烈认为不应该这样做，认为这违反了规则，可能会影响捐赠者的匿名权，尤其是在涉及DNA检测的情况下。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
But for all the weaknesses of the system, when it came to having her own children, Freya also chose to use a donor. Always knew you wanted kids? Oh yeah, always knew. There's pictures of me at like four, cradling a baby. I breastfed all my dolls. I absolutely knew that I was going to be a mum. Yeah, that was a deal-breaker. She doesn't want her children to experience the same sort of limbo and has started searching for siblings already. Although there's no reason under UK law why parents can't look for other parents who've used the same donor to try and find siblings, some feel passionately they shouldn't be doing this, that it's against the rules and that it compromises the donor's right to anonymity, especially if DNA testing is involved.
有几个人，特别是在美国的人告诉我，他们担心诊所会销毁精子或胚胎小瓶，如果他们发现父母在寻找捐赠者的兄弟姐妹。那些群体或聊天中的人并没有任何恶意，他们只是为了给孩子们提供更多的信息。感觉上这不应该由其他父母来监督。但是，事实是，这一切对我们来说仍然相当新。就在我的一生中，相关的法规才开始出现。同时，使用捐赠精子的人数一直在增加。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I've been told by a couple of people, particularly in America, they're worried clinics will destroy vials of sperm or embryos if they find out parents are looking for donor siblings. Nobody in those groups or chats or anything are doing it with any ill intention. It's all just to have more information for their kids. It doesn't feel like it should be other parents policing this, though. But the fact is, this is all still quite new. It's only within my lifetime that regulation has come in. And at the same time, the number of people using donor sperm has been increasing.
在过去的20年里，由于越来越多的酷儿家庭和单身女性选择生育孩子，加上女性在年龄较大时生育的趋势增加，鸡蛋捐赠的现象也有所增加，因此这一数字增加了三倍多。所有这些都给系统带来了压力。自2013年以来，10个家庭的限制每年都被多次突破。我知道这一点，因为我曾通过信息自由申请来调查此事。有记录显示，HFEA在历史上曾经错误地匹配过兄弟姐妹和捐赠者。而且这些数字往往并不准确。Freya告诉我，最近她的另外两个同母异父的兄弟姐妹在一个DNA网站上出现了，而他们之前对此并没有任何记录。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
It's more than tripled in the past 20 years due to more queer families and single women having kids, not to mention the rise in egg donation, as women have children older. And all of this is putting strain on the system. The 10-family limit has been breached multiple times every year since at least 2013. I know, I made a Freedom of Information request to find out. It's been documented the HFEA has historically mismatched siblings and donors. And the numbers often don't add up. Freya told me that recently another two of her half-siblings turned up on a DNA site that they had no record of.
HFEA 告诉我他们并没有承受压力。他们说他们正在调查历史上有关人员匹配错误的案例，并对所造成的困扰表示歉意，并理解这些信息的敏感性。不过，他们也指出，他们的数据质量取决于各个诊所的提供情况，因此如果某家生育诊所没有报告出生情况，该信息就不会出现在他们的登记系统中。他们还表示，承诺与诊所密切合作，解决家庭数量超过10家的不合规问题，并且他们已经进行了投资并增加员工以改进其登记系统。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
The HFEA told me they're not under strain. They said they are investigating historic cases of mismatching people and are sorry for any distress caused and appreciate the sensitivity of this information. But they added their data is only as good as the clinics provide, so if a fertility clinic doesn't report a birth it doesn't go on their register. They also said they're committed to working closely with clinics on non-compliance to the 10-family limit and that they've made investments and increased staff to improve the opening the register system.
这当然很好。但是，作为父母，我们感觉就像在随时应变。连接，还是不连接，DNA测试，当法规无法跟上现实的发展时，似乎一切都在摇摆不定。在报道这个故事的过程中，我不断碰到系统失灵的各种原因。但我没能找到任何人给出一个更好的替代方案。然后，我遇到了丹妮尔。我原本是个律师，而现在每天都在谈论精子，这确实是个很大的转变。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Which is all well and good. But as a parent it feels like we're making it up as we go along. Connect, don't connect, DNA test, it's all up for grabs when the regulations are no longer keeping pace with reality. In the course of reporting this story I kept coming up against reasons why the system wasn't working. But I couldn't find anyone who offered a better alternative. And then I met Danielle. My background is that I was a lawyer and now I'm talking about sperm every day which is quite the jump.
几年前，丹妮尔·温斯顿和她的妻子开始寻找捐精者。她们很快意识到，美国在这方面的监管非常松散。除了少数州外，大部分地区都没有家庭数量的限制，捐赠者仍然可以完全匿名，而且精子库通常不需要核实或更新捐赠者的医学信息。我们感到非常困惑，这到底是怎么回事？人们是如何想出这种方式，然后认为这对每个人都是最好的呢？因为这似乎对捐赠者没有好处，对准父母没有好处，对孩子也没有好处。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Danielle Winston started looking for a donor with her wife a few years ago. They quickly realized America has particularly lax regulation. In all but a handful of states there are no family limits and donors can still be fully anonymous and banks usually don't have to verify or update donors' medical information. We're just like how is this how it's happening? like how did people come up with this way and think this is what's best for everyone because it doesn't feel like it's better for donors doesn't feel like it's better for intended parents and it doesn't feel like it's better for kids.
那么除了那些由私募股权公司拥有的银行、大型制药公司等，试图最大化每个捐献者利润的机构，他们还服务了谁呢？我们一直在想，如果我们的孩子好奇，大多数人在生活中的某个阶段都会好奇他们是否是由捐精者孕育的，那么我们希望能够给出答案。Danielle和她的妻子决定以不同的方式来做这件事。经过两年的时间和大约200次捐献者面谈后，他们终于找到了一位朋友的朋友，愿意作为公开的捐献者。现在，他们有了两个孩子，一个两岁的小男孩和一个刚出生几个月的宝宝。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
So who is it serving besides banks who are owned by private equity companies, big pharmaceutical companies, etc. trying to maximize profit per donor? We kept thinking like if our kids curious which most people are at some point in their life that our donor conceived then we want to have answers. Danielle and her wife decided to do things differently. They managed after two years and around 200 donor interviews to find a friend of a friend who was willing to be an open donor. They now have two children, a little boy who's two and a baby just a few months old.
我们的捐赠者是一个内外都极其美丽的意大利人。选择意大利人对我们来说非常重要，因为我的祖母有部分意大利血统，而她是我世界上最喜欢的人。我们非常珍视与他的关系和友谊，同时我们也非常喜爱他的家人。我们和他的妈妈定期交流，给她发照片，这在之前是我们没有想到的。语言在这个过程中非常重要，对吧？你们会如何形容他？你的孩子们会怎么形容他？
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Our donor is this unbelievably beautiful inside and out Italian man and Italian was really important because my grandmother was part Italian and you know she's my favorite person in the world and we adore our relationship with him and our friendship with him and we adore his family. We talk to his mom semi-regularly and send her pictures and that's not something we thought we'd want. Language is a big thing right? How do you describe him? How do your kids describe him?
好的，我们这么说吧，意大利语中叔叔的单词是“Zio”，所以我们会说Zio，然后加上他的名字。他其实不完全理解这个概念，但他总是会说他的名字，每次我们给他看照片时，他立刻就能认出自己。很有趣，他们选择了“叔叔”这个称呼，就像Freya在家庭中选择的一个角色，但并不是太亲近。Danielle和她的妻子现在创建了一家已知捐赠者机构，以便让其他人也能更容易地做到同样的事情。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Yeah we say so the Italian word for uncle is Zio so we say like Zio and then his name and he doesn't really fully understand the concept but he always says his name and every time we show him a picture he immediately recognizes him. It's funny they've landed on uncle the same word Freya chose somewhere in the family but not too close. Danielle and her wife have now founded a known donor agency to make it easier for other people to do the same thing.
当然，您可以在网上找到已知的捐赠者。这个不受监管的市场被认为至少与受监管的市场一样大。人们出于各种原因在网上寻找捐赠者，因为他们希望找到一个熟悉的人，而且这比通过商业银行更便宜、更快，但这一切可能显得相当隐晦。一些捐赠者甚至会提供在家进行人工授精的服务，以提高成功的机会，但对父母的保护措施却很少。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
You can of course find known donors online. This unregulated market is thought to be at least as big as the regulated one and people meet donors online for all sorts of reasons because they want someone known and it's cheaper and faster than going through commercial banks but it can all be pretty seedy. Some donors will even offer a home insemination to increase your chance of success and there are few protections for parents.
作为一名律师，丹妮尔希望事情做得妥当。一个简化流程的服务提供了可靠的指导，帮助你找到合适的捐赠者，让你可以在信心和安心中做出这个改变人生的决定。她的公司Seed Scout重新制定了规则。接受捐赠的父母必须在进行之前先与捐赠者建立联系，并且每年还需向捐赠者发送一条关于孩子的简短更新和一张照片。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
As a lawyer Danielle wanted to do things properly. A service that simplifies the process offers trusted guidance and connects you with the right donor so you can make this life-changing decision with confidence and peace of mind. Her company Seed Scout rewrote the rules. Recipient parents have to connect with the donor before they can go ahead and they also have to send their donor a one-line update about their kids and a photo every year.
我们不要求他们保持联系，但我会说大多数人都会这样做。我甚至刚刚得知，有一对夫妻计划每周与他们的捐赠者通过Zoom视频进行游戏之夜，这已经成为他们的固定计划，除非他们出城。所以，有些人确实变得非常亲近。这是一件非常特别的事情，实际上是一种合同协议，因为必须有协议，父母要告诉他们的孩子他们是通过捐赠者受孕的。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
We don't require them to keep in touch but I would say most do. I even just found out that there's a couple who plans a weekly Zoom game night with their donor for like that's like their standing plan unless they're out of town. So it's like people really some people get really close. It's quite a radical thing really having like a kind of contractual agreement that you because it has to be an agreement that parents will tell their children their donor conceived.
"是的，其实我们大约在六到八个月前才加入这个项目，因为我们当时想不可能有人会完成我们的过程却不告诉他们的孩子他们是通过捐赠者受孕的。直到我们遇到一对由于男性不育的异性伴侣，他们的治疗师告诉我们他们并不打算告知孩子。现在，他们与治疗师合作，帮助人们为这个过程做好准备，他们的合同中已经加入了一项条款，即父母必须同意在孩子16岁之前告诉他们是通过捐赠者受孕的。"
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Yeah we actually just added that in maybe like six to eight months ago because we were like there's no way someone will go through our process and not tell their kid their donor conceived until we hit one straight couple with male infertility and we got alerted by the therapist that they were not planning on telling. They work with therapists to prepare people for their process and now as part of their contract parents have to agree to tell their kids they are donor conceived by the time they're 16.
捐赠者同意作为交换，他们至少要见孩子两次，并且只能创建三个家庭；或者你可以支付额外费用，获得一位只为你捐赠的专属捐赠者。你是否觉得在设计这些关系时有很大责任？我们只想努力为所有三方创造最好的情况，但这确实很难做到。它是否完美呢？可能不是。我也不太确定。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Donors agree in return they will meet their kids at least twice and can only create three families or you can pay a premium for an exclusive donor who will only donate to you. Did you feel there was a lot of responsibility in designing what these relationships should look like? We just wanted to try to make it the best for all three parties which is really hard to do. Is it perfect? Probably not. I mean I have no idea.
时间会证明这种方法的效果，我相信将来我们会对其进行调整。显然，这种需求是存在的。目前，他们大约有900名捐赠者，这与丹麦的大型精子库不相上下，每月有大约30个家庭开始他们的匹配计划。值得一提的是，他们所合作的家庭几乎都是同性伴侣或单身女性，而捐赠者几乎都是男同性恋。老实说，这听起来很棒。这种在孩子出生前就对规则达成共识的开放安排让我觉得非常合理。像这样的私人已知捐赠者安排是酷儿伴侣多年来孕育孩子的方式。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Time will tell for how this works and I'm sure we'll tweak things in the future. There's clearly demand. They currently have around 900 donors which is right up there with the big Danish sperm banks and around 30 families starting their matching programme each month. But it's worth saying almost all the families they work with are same-sex couples or single women and almost all their donors are gay men. And quite honestly it sounds great. This kind of open arrangement before a child is born where everyone agrees the rules makes so much sense to me. Private known donor arrangements like this are how queer couples have been making babies for generations.
区别在于，这个选项附带一个冗长的法律合同和价格标签。最便宜的套餐在开始生育治疗之前就要大约11,000美元，而治疗本身可能还要消费数万美元。我和我的妻子是负担不起的。Danielle指出，他们的费用与从商业银行订购几管精子的费用差不多，但让人感到不舒服的是，这种伦理捐赠只对那些负担得起的人开放。家庭限制现在也在主流银行中逐渐普及。欧洲精子银行现提供更小的家庭限制，但针对限制为一个、五个或十五个家庭的捐赠者，价格尚未公布。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
The difference is this comes with a lengthy legal contract and a price tag. The cheapest package starts at around $11,000 before you even start fertility treatment which can then run into tens of thousands more. It's something my wife and I would not have been able to afford. Danielle points out their costs are on a par with ordering several vials of sperm from a commercial bank but there's something uncomfortable about ethical donation like this only being available for those that can afford it. Family limits are now becoming available at mainstream banks too. The European Sperm Bank now offers smaller limits but the prices for a donor limited to one, five or 15 families aren't publicly listed.
玛丽莲曾是一名社会工作者，现在成为了学术界人士。她告诉我，还有其他模式，其中不仅仅是私人公司在引领更进步的做法。我曾获得了一笔奖金，去澳大利亚和新西兰考察他们的做法，这还是在2010年，当时是在新西兰。那里的一个诊所会将捐赠者的名字告知给父母，这样父母可以用捐赠者的名字抚养孩子。这很不错，我很喜欢这种做法。这是一个非常有意义的举措。在新西兰，如果要使用胚胎捐赠，胚胎捐赠者和接受者必须见面，这是一个必需的环节，而且整个过程都有专业人士的支持。这让人感觉这种做法更贴近于领养的模式。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Marilyn, the former social worker turned academic tells me there are other models too where not just private companies are leading the way on more progressive practices. I got a grant to go and look at what they were doing in Australia and New Zealand and this was 2010 this was actually in New Zealand. One of the clinics there they gave the parents the first name of the donor so that the parents could raise that child using the first name of the donor. That's nice, I'd like that. What a powerful thing to be able to provide. In New Zealand if you are wanting to use embryo donation, the embryo donors and the embryo recipients have to meet, it's a requirement and all of that is supported by professionals. But that feels like it's moving it much closer to that adoptive model.
是的，他们进行了调整。我回来的时候满怀期待地说，我们能不能让孩子知道捐赠者的名字？很多人对此感到震惊，觉得这样做不可以不可以，因为可能会让孩子感到困惑，或者如果捐赠者名字很特别就可能会被找到。实际上，我们需要思考，是什么让我们对此感到恐惧？这个问题问得很好。也许是因为像我们这样的捐赠者家庭没有一个明确的指引去适应这种情况，所以会感到有些害怕。很难想象如何让生育行业更符合收养过程的标准，收养时孩子是决策的核心，而在生育行业中，它目前仍是一个由未来家长出资的商业化产业。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Yes, they adapted it. I sort of came back full of saying, can we move so that they can know the first name of the donor? People are horrified by it, you can't do that, you can't do that. It would confuse the child or what if they had an unusual name and they'd end up being found. And actually you have to think, what is it within us that makes us fearful of it? It's a good question. Perhaps it's because donor families like mine don't have a map to navigate our way through this and it can, frankly, feel a bit scary. It's hard to see how the fertility industry could be brought more in line with adoption, which puts children at the heart of decision making, while it remains a business and it's the prospective parents that are funding it.
也许正是像SeedScout这样的颠覆性商业模式会迫使行业改变，开始关注捐献者子女的结果。经过几个月的成长，我准备出生了。妈妈和妈咪见到我非常高兴。家人和朋友也来打招呼。我们的故事似乎已经远离了那个关于帮助我们生孩子的好心人的寓言。几乎两年后，我联系了HFEA询问兄弟姐妹的事，终于收到了回复。HFEA表示，这类延迟是因为疫情造成的，现在等待时间要短得多。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Perhaps it's disruptive business models like SeedScout that will force the industry to change and start thinking about the outcomes for donor children. After months of growing, I was ready to be born. Mummy and Mama, she was so pleased to meet me at last. Family and friends came to say hello. It feels our story has moved a long way from the fable of the kind man who helped us make a baby. Nearly two years after I contacted the HFEA about siblings, I finally got a reply. The HFEA says delays like this were caused by the pandemic and the waiting time is much shorter now.
我收到了一封邮件，其中有一个简单明了的小表格，列出了我孩子的兄弟姐妹的出生年份和性别。看着这些数字，我感到一种不舒服的感觉，就像弗蕾雅描述的一样，知道他们存在但却不知道他们是谁。也许不知道会更好，因为现在我知道了，却不确定应该怎么办。寄出表格几个月后，HFEA（人类受精与胚胎管理局）又通知我，他们找到了另一个兄弟姐妹，这让人更感到奇怪。即使我们的捐赠者已经停止捐赠，其他家庭依然在使用他们之前制作的胚胎来生育孩子。那么，还会有多少呢？
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I was emailed a neat little table laying out my kids' siblings' years of birth and sex. looking at looking at the numbers I had the same feeling Freya described of it being uncomfortable knowing that they are there but that I have no way to find out who they are. Maybe it's better not to know because now that I do I'm not sure what to do about it. A few months after sending the table the HFEA said they'd found another sibling which was weirder still. Even though our donor had been withdrawn other families were still using embryos they had made to have kids. And how many more might there be?
你可能会认为这只是像我们这样的家庭才会遇到的问题，但实际上并不是这样。在英国，近五分之一的试管婴儿出生都涉及到捐献者。而这还不包括那些因为价格更便宜、速度更快而去国外接受使用捐献者生育治疗的人。所以我们需要认真对待这个问题。那是弗蕾娅和亚力克斯，还有一些同母异父的兄弟姐妹们在酒吧里合影，像一个家庭一样。弗蕾娅现在在社交媒体上分享这一切。这篇报道让我看到，家庭一直以来都是灵活多变的，从玛丽莲提到的1920年代孩子们被分开抚养，到亚力克斯和弗蕾娅及其不断扩大的兄弟姐妹群，家庭的形式远不止是传统的核心家庭。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
You might be thinking this sounds like an issue that's only relevant to families like mine but it's really not. Nearly one in five IVF births in the UK now involves a donor. That's before you factor in the many many people who go abroad for fertility treatment using a donor because it's cheaper and faster. So we need to get this right. That's Freya and Alex and some half siblings posing together for a family picture in the pub. Freya posts about all this on social media now. Reporting this story has shown me families are and of course always have been elastic from the shared out children of the 1920s Marilyn talked about to Alex and Freya and their expanding sibling pod there's scope for so much more than just the nuclear family.
但是规章制度对这一点没有提供空间。就像Marilyn所说的，我们都有点害怕那会是什么样子。要改变这种情况，必须从父母开始。我认识至少五对使用了捐精者的夫妇，他们对告诉孩子这件事只有模糊的打算。除非这种情况改变，否则我看不出还有什么能改变的。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
But the regulation doesn't make space for that. It's like we're all as Marilyn said a little bit scared of what that looks like. And changing this has to start with parents. I know at least five couples who've used a donor and have only the vaguest intention of telling their kids and until that changes I can't see what else will.
在我加入捐献者兄弟姐妹的Facebook小组后不久，其中一位妈妈建议我们都去丹麦见面，因为那里是个中间点。感觉这是一个很大的步骤。现在，对于我来说，知道他们的存在就足够了。我有可以提供给孩子们的名字和身份信息，以便让他们感受到这份关系的真实。无论接下来会发生什么。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Shortly after I joined the donor sibling Facebook group one of the mums suggested we all go to Denmark as a midpoint to meet. It felt like a huge step. For now just knowing they are there is enough. I have names and identities that I can offer the children to make it more real for them. Whatever comes next.
感谢您收听本期《周末智慧》。我相信这是一个许多人会想要分享的故事。即使对方不是订阅者，您仍然可以在《经济学人》网站或应用上分享这期节目。只需点击分享按钮，然后选择“作为礼物赠送”即可。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Weekend Intelligence. It's very much, I think, a story many of you will want to share. You can do so on The Economist website or app, even if someone isn't a subscriber. Click the share button and select give as a gift.
我也想请你回过头去收听我们《周末智识》的最早几期节目之一，主题是关于试管婴儿的希望和心碎。今天的节目由Harriet Shawcross报道和制作，Nico Rofas负责音效设计，并由Lisa Davis进行事实核查。本期节目的执行制片人是Sarah Stollarts，而《周末智识》的编辑是Gemma Newby。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
I'd also urge you to go back and listen to one of our very first episodes of The Weekend Intelligence on the hope and heartbreak of IVF. Today's show was reported and produced by Harriet Shawcross. Nico Rofas did the sound design and it was fact-checked by Lisa Davis. The executive producer of this episode was Sarah Stollarts. The editor of The Weekend Intelligence is Gemma Newby.
周一见。我们周一在这里见。
▶ 英文原文 ⏱
See you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday. We'll see you back here on Monday.