如何讓別人照你說的去做？► 第一步，話不要講太多.. - 美國特勤局前特務 Evy Poumpouras 伊芙‧波普拉斯（中英字幕）

When you start becoming people's friends, that's when the lines get blurred and we get confused. If you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled. How to get someone to do what you want. The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot. If I'm doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening, you're learning everything about me. You're learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems. You're getting a good read on me. There's a myth that people think, if I do most of the talking, I have control. It's garbage. What you want to understand is that person's motivational mindset. What are you motivated by? So that is your value and belief system. Everybody's motivated by something different. But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is. Here, have a drink. Talk to me. Let me know. If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you. But we're so busy talking, we're so busy making noise because we think, everybody needs to hear me. Everybody needs to know me, me, me, me. You know what? Nobody cares.

当你开始成为别人的朋友时，界限就变得模糊，我们会感到困惑。如果你对人过于友好、过于善良、过于礼貌，就容易被人利用。想让别人做你希望的事情，最大的错误就是你话说得太多。如果我一直在说，而你一直在听，你就会完全了解我；你会了解我关心什么，我的价值观和信仰体系，你能很好地看透我。有个误解是人们觉得，如果我说得多，我就有控制权。这完全是错误。你需要了解的是那个人的动机思维。是什么激励你？那就是你的价值观和信仰体系。每个人都有不同的动力因素。但我必须倾听你，关注你，才能理解那是什么。来，喝杯饮料，跟我聊聊，让我了解你。如果给别人足够的空间，他们就会向你展示真实的自己。然而，我们常常忙于说话，忙于制造噪音，因为我们觉得，每个人都需要听我说话，每个人都需要了解我。但你知道吗？没人关心。

If you're really trying to build a connection with a person, then build it. And let them tell you what they think. Because now I see the world through your lens, not mine. I always say when, especially I do a lot of keynotes and training for businesses, you don't matter. They matter. What do they want? What do they need? What's important to them? Let them tell you. And then when they tell you, instead of trying to guess how to enter a conversation, what do I do? I shut up. I listen. I let you reveal to me what matters to you, what your values are. And then I come in more intelligently into the conversation. And I speak to you. People will show you what they care about. If we just hold back, stay silent, ask good questions, and you know what? We're genuinely curious. I genuinely want to get to know you. I genuinely want to understand you. I don't genuinely want to tell you all about me. That's different. And the one factor that's really important is not having judgment, being non-judgmental. When you show judgment to another person, they're going to filter what they say. They're going to shut down. They're going to hold back because nobody likes to be judged.

如果你真的想与某人建立联系，就去建立它。让他们告诉你他们的想法。因为这样的话，我就能通过你的视角来看世界，而不是仅仅关注我自己。我常说，特别是在我为企业做演讲和培训时，你并不重要，他们才重要。他们想要什么？他们需要什么？对他们来说，什么是重要的？让他们告诉你。当他们告诉你时，不要试图猜测如何介入谈话，我该怎么做？我选择闭嘴，倾听。我让你告诉我对你来说重要的事情和你的价值观。然后我会带着更多的智慧进入对话，并与你交流。人们会表现出他们在乎什么。只要我们保持克制，保持沉默，问一些好的问题，然后呢？我们就能真正表现出好奇心。我是真心想了解你，理解你，而不是急于告诉你我所有的事情。这是不同的。一个非常重要的因素是不带有评判。如果你对别人表现出评判，他们就会过滤自己说的话，会封闭自己，会有所保留，因为没有人喜欢被评判。

Also in the room, my goal was not to get them to like me. My goal was to get them to feel heard, to feel respected, for me to be professional. And I think we bring the wrong terms, because it's confusing. If I want you to like me to think of it this way, then I'm going to think I have to be nice to him. I have to be his friend. In business, you can be warm. But when you start becoming people's friends, that's when the lines get blurred and we get confused.

在那个房间里，我的目标不是让他们喜欢我。我的目标是让他们感到被倾听，被尊重，同时保持专业。我认为我们常常用错了词，因为这很容易让人感到困惑。如果我想让你喜欢我，我可能会觉得我必须对你友好，成为你的朋友。但在商业中，你可以表现得温暖。但一旦你开始成为别人的朋友，界限就会变得模糊，我们也会感到困惑。

In fact, there's research done by Susan Fisk and Chris Malone. And they say, be warm to people. Be open and approachable. But if you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled. You want to find that beautiful balance. Where I'm a professional, I'm warm, I'm non-judgmental. Come talk to me, tell me. But at the same time, I maintain my authority. I maintain my boundaries. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority.

事实上，Susan Fisk和Chris Malone进行了一项研究。他们表示，对人要友好、开放和平易近人。但如果你过于友好、过于善良、过于礼貌，可能会被人利用。你需要找到一个美妙的平衡点：既是个专业人士，又友好、不带偏见。欢迎人们来找你聊天，同时保持自己的权威和界限。

I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority. I maintain my authority.

我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。我保持我的权威。