In an episode of "The Gray Area," guest host John Gwynn Hill speaks with Emile Niazzi, a columnist at The Cut who writes about work and motherhood. Niazzi recently explored how the midlife crisis manifests differently for millennials, a topic she delves into further in this conversation.
Niazzi explains her personal draw to the subject, being over 40 herself, and observing a stark contrast in midlife experiences between her generation, Gen X, and her parents' generation. She views millennials as facing a "particularly precarious stage of life" due to intertwined economic, cultural, and fertility crises, positioning herself as a "canary in the coal mine" sounding an alarm about these shifts.
The conversation begins by examining the "quarter-life crisis," which Hill describes experiencing at 25, marked by constant crying over not meeting life's perceived milestones. Niazzi fully relates, recalling her struggles to find work in journalism, pay rent, and navigate romance post-college. They discuss how the "freak out" about life achievements seems to be starting younger and younger, as traditional markers of adulthood—like moving out, securing stable employment, and achieving financial freedom—have become increasingly elusive for younger generations. This collapse of traditional markers leads to earlier panic about accomplishments.
Niazzi differentiates the quarter-life crisis from the midlife crisis, noting that while emotions can be similar, the stakes are significantly higher in midlife. With children, mortgages, and more responsibilities, losing footing means "a lot, a lot more to lose" compared to being 25 and potentially able to move back home or rely on roommates.
Her column features individuals like Joy, who feels she can't afford the lifestyle her parents provided, highlighting a sense of generational regression. Common threads among those Niazzi interviewed include significant fear about the future, particularly regarding ageism in hiring. She recounts a story of a 50-year-old woman struggling to find work until advised to remove all dates from her resume to hide her age. This fear extends to retirement, with many envisioning working until they die, leading to what Niazzi terms a "pool of existential despair."
The discussion pivots to whether this crisis is merely about aging or largely a symptom of "late-stage capitalism." Niazzi affirms it's a significant factor, as stable, long-term employment with pensions, once common, is now rare. This economic instability, coupled with feelings of missing out on core human experiences like having children or achieving emotional independence, creates a unique crisis. Unlike previous generations seeking to recapture youth by shaking up a stable life, millennials often find themselves "searching for adulthood in their crisis."
Key defining events for millennials are identified: 9/11 in high school, the 2008 financial crisis hitting just as many entered the workforce, the tech boom/bust, and the collapse of industries like media. These "domino effects" of "one step forward, 10 steps back" have led to delayed milestones—marriage, children, homeownership, retirement planning, and student loan repayment—and a general lack of economic stability.
They also explore how physical appearance plays a role. Millennials often look younger than previous generations at the same age, contributing to a "prolonged early adulthood" but also creating pressure to maintain youth in a society increasingly obsessed with it. Niazzi questions the societal implications of this obsession, particularly regarding how aging women are perceived in the workforce and the neglect of future societal care needs if fewer people have children.
The "sandwich generation" struggle is highlighted, with millennials caring for both aging parents and young children. Niazzi shares her own experience of her father's recent heart attack, underscoring the shifting adult responsibilities. This dual caretaking role is financially, emotionally, and physically taxing, compounded by smaller living spaces that hinder multi-generational living.
Niazzi acknowledges that the past is often idealized, but notes that previous generations, like her mother who had three children by 26, faced immense responsibilities early on, potentially leading them to seek a lost youth in midlife. Conversely, millennials, having had an extended period of "effing around" and self-focus, now seek stability and "real adulthood."
The conversation touches on the concept of self-actualization over rigidly checking off all traditional adult markers. Niazzi emphasizes that whatever marker—career, partnership, children, homeownership—brings joy and purpose is sufficient. However, for many, being locked out of *all* these markers creates a persistent cycle of crisis and resentment.
Looking to the future, Niazzi expresses both hope and fear for her children's generation, especially concerning climate change and AI's impact on jobs. Yet, she calls having children "an act of optimism" and believes millennials are defined by their ability to actively strive for a better world. She finds hope in Gen Z's attitude toward work and boundaries, believing future generations will reshape the workforce to prioritize personal needs. Ultimately, Niazzi hopes the other side of her midlife crisis brings "peace" and comfort in her evolving self and life.