詹姆斯·维奇（James Veitch）讲述了他回复垃圾邮件的经历，这段旅程充满幽默感且愈发荒诞。这项他偶然开始的行为，后来却全情投入地坚持了三年。 他的冒险始于一封来自“所罗门·奥东卡”（Solomon Odonka）的垃圾邮件，这封邮件竟然绕过了他的邮件过滤器。出于好奇，维奇选择回复而非删除。所罗门的最初提议是运送黄金，维奇可以从中赚取10%的佣金。当所罗门建议从25公斤（价值250万美元）开始时，维奇扮演一个出手阔绰的金融家，大胆地要求“一公吨”，并自称是“对冲基金高管兼银行经理”。他甚至制作了一份荒唐的“视觉材料”——一张满是波浪线的图表——让所罗门向他的“董事会”展示，以证明需要更大批量的黄金。 这段通信的荒诞程度愈发升级。当所罗门透露他想用佣金购买房产时，维奇则声称自己想要“鹰嘴豆泥”（hummus），因为它种类繁多且极具蘸食潜力。这些日常交流逐渐成为维奇生活中的重要一部分，直到一天晚上，维奇以一句“Bonsoir, my golden nugget”（晚安，我的金块）作为邮件结尾。 意识到这个游戏需要一个高潮迭起的结局，维奇为所有未来的通信引入了一套复杂的加密代码。他将“律师”比作“软糖熊”（gummy bear），“银行”比作“奶油蛋”（cream egg），“西联汇款”（Western Union）比作“巨型软糖蜥蜴”（giant gummy lizard），并要求对方称自己为“奇巧”（KitKat）。短暂沉默后——维奇一度担心自己玩过头了——所罗门回复了，并且完美地遵守了这套代码。他的邮件写道：“生意谈妥了。我正在为‘软糖熊’筹集剩余款项。这样他就可以将所有必要的‘可乐瓶软糖豆’（fizzy cola bottle jelly beans）提交给‘奶油蛋’，以启动‘花生M&M巧克力豆’（peanut M&M's）的流程。请通过‘巨型软糖蜥蜴’汇款1500英镑。” 这段令人捧腹的加密对话，坚定了维奇戏弄诈骗犯的决心。他解释说，他的动机并非“恶意”，而是为了浪费这些骗子的时间，从而阻止他们去诈骗那些易受骗的成年人的积蓄。他建议任何想效仿的人都使用匿名邮箱地址，因为他曾有过惨痛的教训：使用自己的真实邮箱导致了大量不相关的垃圾邮件涌入。 维奇还分享了另一个精彩的案例，他收到一封来自“温妮·曼德拉”（Winnie Mandela）的邮件，此人自称是纳尔逊·曼德拉（Nelson Mandela）的第二任妻子，因纳尔逊的“健康状况”需要转移4500万美元。维奇以其辛辣的幽默指出，纳尔逊·曼德拉早在三个月前就已经去世了，这使得他的“健康状况”已经是你能遇到的最糟糕的了——那就是不在人世了。然而“温妮”并未退缩，继续发邮件，索要3000美元以支付她的银行家。维奇坚决拒绝“分享”这笔钱，这充分体现了他应对这些欺诈性诱惑的俏皮而又富有影响力的方式。他总结道，任何收到这类邮件的日子，对他来说都是“美好的一天”。

James Veitch recounts his humorous and increasingly absurd journey into the world of replying to spam emails, a practice he began accidentally and then pursued with dedication for three years. His adventure started when a spam email from "Solomon Odonka" bypassed his filters. Intrigued, Veitch decided to engage rather than delete. Solomon's initial proposal involved shipping gold, with Veitch earning a 10% commission. When Solomon suggested starting with 25 kilograms (worth $2.5 million), Veitch, playing the part of a high-flying financier, boldly demanded a "metric tonne," claiming to be a "hedge fund executive bank manager." He even created a ridiculous "visual" – a chart of squiggly lines – for Solomon to present to his "board meeting" to justify a larger shipment. The correspondence escalated in absurdity. When Solomon revealed he wanted his commission for real estate, Veitch declared his own desire was for "hummus" due to its numerous varieties and dipping potential. The daily exchanges became a significant part of Veitch's life, ending one evening with Veitch signing off with "Bonsoir, my golden nugget." Realizing the game needed a dramatic conclusion, Veitch introduced an elaborate code for all future communications. He assigned nonsensical terms like "lawyer" to "gummy bear," "bank" to "cream egg," and "Western Union" to "giant gummy lizard," requesting to be called "KitKat" himself. After a brief silence, during which Veitch worried he had gone too far, Solomon replied, adhering perfectly to the code. His email read: "The business is on. And I'm trying to raise the balance for the gummy bear. So he can submit all the needed fizzy cola bottle jelly beans to the cream egg for the peanut M&M's process to start. Send 1,500 pounds via a giant gummy lizard." This hilariously coded exchange solidified Veitch's commitment to trolling scammers. He explains his motivation is not to be "mean" but to waste their time, thereby preventing them from scamming vulnerable adults out of their savings. He advises anyone wishing to follow suit to use a pseudonymous email address, having learned the hard way that using his own resulted in a deluge of unrelated spam. Veitch shares another exemplary encounter with an email from "Winnie Mandela," purportedly Nelson Mandela's second wife, needing to transfer $45 million due to Nelson's "health condition." Veitch pointed out, with biting wit, that Nelson Mandela had died three months prior, making his health condition "the worst health condition you can have, not being alive." Undeterred, "Winnie" continued, requesting $3,000 for her banker. Veitch's steadfast refusal to "share it" encapsulates his playful yet impactful approach to these fraudulent overtures, concluding that any day he receives such an email is a "good day."